Obsession
by Sophia Hawkins
Summary: "Watch the door, don't let anybody in," Kelly told his men. "You got it, Kelly," Tony said. Kelly closed the door behind them, and reached over and hit the lights to get a look at Matt. Casey's clothes were filthy and covered in half dried bloodstains. Any and all evidence of what happened that night was going to be destroyed, nobody else was going to find out about this.
1. Chapter 1

Obsession

It was after midnight. It had been a slow shift. Everybody was asleep in the bunk room, the lieutenants in their respective quarters, the whole station house was as quiet as the dead.

Despite this, nobody heard the door open, nor the four sets of footsteps that entered 51. One of them was barefoot.

Kelly maneuvered his eyes through the dark, there was just enough light to see by that everybody wasn't walking into the walls but not enough that it would keep people up when they were trying to sleep. He knew where they were going, he just hoped they could get there without any trouble.

As the four of them moved through the darkened halls, nobody spoke, nobody even dared breathe too loud.

He saw the door to the locker room up ahead and he turned to the others and told them, "Watch the door, don't let anybody in."

"You got it, Kelly," Tony said as he and Capp parked themselves on either side of the door and looked up and down the corridors.

Kelly pushed the door open and closed it behind them, and reached over and hit the lights.

Casey groaned and raised his hands to his face to block out the light. Kelly dimmed it slightly, he needed it bright enough he could see what they were doing. He needed enough light to see the full extent of the damage.

Casey's clothes were filthy and covered in half dried bloodstains, there was also blood on his skin and in his hair, some of it half covered large bruises on his face, his bare feet were about the only part of him not covered in dried blood and dark bruises. He stood unsteadily on his feet, and though he tried to hold himself perfectly still, his legs wavered from one side to the other, he didn't say anything, he _hadn't_ said anything the whole trip to 51.

"Casey, we gotta...we gotta..." Kelly knew what he had to do, but he wasn't sure if Matt would cooperate. Shifting gears, he went to one of the shower stalls and pulled back the curtain. "In here." Casey's clothes would have to be destroyed anyway. Any and all evidence of what happened this night was going to go either down the drain or in the trash. He turned back to Casey and saw he hadn't moved an inch, he took a step towards Matt, and Casey stepped back, his arms hugging himself, a small, animalistic sound escaping from his closed mouth.

"It's alright, it's alright," Kelly told him, "you need to get cleaned up. Just toss your clothes out."

Casey's eyes wandered and looked to the shower, pursing his lips together he hesitantly took a step forward, and another, and another, and stepped into the stall. Kelly pulled the curtain shut behind him.

Casey stood in the shower and looked around at the tiled walls for a minute, then slowly removed his clothes and dropped them in a pile on the floor. Then he kicked them with his foot and they were shoved under the curtain. After a minute, he reached over and turned on the water, he stood in the corner of the stall while the water warmed up and only stepped under the spray when it was burning hot.

"I'm right out here, Casey," Kelly told him from the other side of the curtain, "you need anything, just say so."

Severide headed towards the door, opened it and whispered for Tony to come in.

"What is it?" Tony asked as he entered the locker room.

"Stay over there," Kelly pointed towards the shower, "I need to get a change of clothes out of his locker."

After Casey's head injury and his noted memory lapses associated with it, he'd reluctantly entrusted his lock combination to Severide incase he forgot again, and now Kelly was thankful for that. He got a new set of clothes out of Matt's locker, then headed back to the shower, where so far there had been no sounds whatsoever coming from the stall aside from the running water. Kelly mouthed a quick 'thanks' to Tony and had him leave the room.

"Casey? You doing alright, buddy?"

The silence worried him, and he couldn't pretend it didn't. He grabbed the edge of the curtain and slowly pulled it back, he had to look down, Casey was sitting on the shower floor curled in a ball, some of the dried blood stains gone meaning he'd actually washed himself, other parts were still coated. Casey had his arms wrapped around himself and a dead look in his eyes that stared straight ahead and saw nothing. Kelly inhaled, and sighed as he considered their options. He pulled the curtain shut, went to his own locker and took out a change of his clothes. Then he sat on the bench long enough to untie his boots and stripped down to his boxers, went back to the shower and pulled the curtain open and crouched down in front of Casey, who hadn't moved and didn't even seem to have blinked.

Kelly slowly inched his way towards Casey and was bombarded with the near scalding water, but ignored it as he calmly spoke to his friend, "It's okay, Casey, we're gonna get you cleaned up and get out of here."

No sound came out of Casey but as Kelly neared him, the Squad lieutenant could see the blonde man's whole body starting to shake and tremor. Kelly fell on his knees and leaned over and pulled Casey into a restraining hug and told him, "It's gonna be okay, it's over, you're safe now. Nobody can hurt you again."

* * *

Two days earlier-

Casey's cell phone rang on the bench in the locker room. He was in the shower so Severide grabbed it to answer.

"Hello? ...Yes it is...well it...I'm not...yeah," Kelly was trying to answer the questions of the man who wanted to hire Casey for a construction job, as little hands on experience as he had in the work, Kelly was looking for an opening to explain he wasn't the guy to talk to, but it didn't happen. Instead the man's questions were partially within his realm of ability to answer so he winged it. "It's mainly just a one-man crew...yeah, I'm sure that would work out fine...uh...hold on, let me write it down." Kelly found a pen but with nothing to write on he improvised by scribbling the address on his forearm. "Uh huh...got it...I'll...I'll see what I can do. Yes sir, thank you."

"What was that?" Casey asked as he poked his head over the shower curtain.

"Some guy wants you to come out to his place tomorrow for a job," Kelly answered.

"He say what it was?"

"Something about putting on an extension, you do that?" Kelly asked.

"Preferably with more hands, yeah," Casey's head disappeared back under the curtain. "Get the address?"

"Uh...yeah," Kelly answered as he opened his locker, took out a notepad and copied it on there.

"Good, after today I could use something normal to look forward to," Matt replied.

"Oh come on, Casey."

The curtain opened at the side and an arm reached out and grabbed a towel and slithered back behind the curtain. A minute later the curtain drew back and Casey stepped out and replied, "I will be glad to put this whole day behind me." Grumbling he added half under his breath, "10th annual 51 watermelon eating contest..._why_ do we still do it?"

"You know why," Kelly replied. "At the end of the season Boden gets all the melons the people at the farmer's market didn't sell, that way the farmers still turn a profit...and we get to have a little fun," his eyebrows arched mischievously as he spoke.

"I don't even _like_ watermelon," Casey complained as he got a fresh change of clothes.

"Who doesn't like watermelon?" Severide responded. "That's like not liking white bread."

"I don't like that either," Casey told him.

"You're just mad because you came in dead last," Kelly ribbed him.

"I did not, I just didn't cheat like you, starving for two days to eat as much as possible," Casey reached over and poked Kelly in the stomach, causing the Squad lieutenant to double over moaning.

"Don't do that."

"It's your own fault," Casey told him with a half smirk. It quickly disappeared as he grumbled, "I'm gonna be picking seeds and pulp out of my hair for weeks."

Severide laughed in response and tore off the sheet from the notepad. "Here's that address."

"Thanks."

"So you want some of us to go with you?" Kelly asked.

"I'm gonna check it out and see if I even want the job first," Casey told him. "If I take it, then I'll swing by Molly's tomorrow night and see who's interested in helping."

"Suit yourself."

* * *

"Hey Severide, I know we're off shift but you think you can keep your guys in line?" Otis asked the next night at Molly's.

Kelly turned on his bar stool and asked him, "What're you talking about?"

"I mean we're not going to have any customers left if Capp keeps making faces using the cocktail onions for eyes," Otis explained, "He's freaking people out."

"Ah he's harmless," Kelly said.

"Yeah, but collectors' notes aren't," Herrmann replied as he came over to the bar, "you wanna reel him in before we lose _all_ our business?"

Kelly grumbled something to himself and spun around on his bar stool and called over to the bald man at the end of the bar, who had now switched to using green olives for props, "Capp, cut it out, you're scaring the customers away."

"By the way," Herrmann said, "where's Casey? I thought you said he was coming tonight."

Kelly looked at the clock on the wall for the first time that night and realized how late it was getting. "He must've gotten held up on that construction job, he said he'd be over when he was done." He took out his phone and dialed Casey's number, it went straight to voicemail.

* * *

"Where're you going, Kelly?"

Severide turned around and saw Tony and Capp had followed him out of Molly's to the parking lot. The place had been fairly active that night and he didn't think anybody had noticed him slipping out.

"Casey's not answering, I'm gonna go over and make sure nothing went wrong," he answered as he headed for his car.

"You want us to come?" Capp asked.

"I don't know, it's probably nothing." Kelly couldn't even convince himself of that but if he'd happen to be wrong, he wasn't sure about dragging other people into this.

At that moment his phone rang, and the number on the screen was Casey's.

"About time," he said as he answered the phone, "Casey, what the hell-"

The screams that came over the phone were so long and so loud that Capp and Tony were able to hear them even without the phone being on speaker mode.

"Casey?" Kelly was panicked now as the garbled screams and noises of a struggle came over the phone, and a million different ideas were running through his head of what it meant.

"Oh my God," Kelly exclaimed as the phone went dead.

"You know where he is?" Tony asked.

"I know where he's _supposed_ to be." After last shift Kelly never got around to washing the address off his arm, it was half faded but still legible. "That's where we'll check first, let's go!"

The others ran to their cars as Kelly hopped in the driver's seat of his Mustang, praying that they could find Casey before it was too late.


	2. Chapter 2

Kelly looked around in confusion as he stopped his car and got out, Tony and Capp had followed right behind him and it was obvious they were just as lost as he was.

"Are you sure this is the place, Kelly?"

The address Kelly had taken down turned out to be a construction site, there was no way in hell anybody from here called about Casey adding an extension to their home.

Kelly looked around at the machinery that had been abandoned for the night, road blocks with yellow flashing lights, snow netting cordoning off work areas, supplies piled all over the lot.

"There!" he pointed, seeing something off in the distance, "There's his truck, he's here! He has to be!"

Kelly took off running for the truck, but when he reached it, there was no sign of Casey, just his truck with the 'Casey Construction' sign on the doors, parked at the curb and abandoned like everything else there. He looked at the ground, nothing belonging to Casey was there, indicating no struggle had taken place here. But where could he be?

"He's got to be here, he's got to be," Kelly was hardly even aware of the fact he was stammering, let alone how shaky his voice was. If Casey had been taken out of this area, they'd have no way to find him.

"It's a big place, maybe we should call in the others to help search it," Tony said.

Kelly didn't even know what he was looking at, but he turned his head and just happened to catch the movement of something up ahead, too encased in the shadows to clearly make out, but unmistakably the movement of a human.

"There, there's somebody here," Kelly pointed, "come on."

Kelly took off running and the others were close behind. He fought back every urge in him to yell for Casey, not wanting to take a chance that whatever he saw, was _not_ the Truck lieutenant. Severide, Capp and Tony tried to hurry through the construction site quietly and _not_ trip over the piles of lumber or pipes or the various other obstacles they were just barely able to make out in the dark.

Kelly stopped behind a pile of bags of cement, and just about fell on his knees, and felt the sudden weight of the other two firefighters on top of him, as he struggled to make out the figure up ahead partially revealed in a few lights off the barricades.

Up ahead there was the figure of a man, his back half turned to them, standing tall, arms outspread, then took a step, and another, and crouched down beside another, seemingly lifeless form on the ground.

"HEY!" Severide sprang to his feet.

The figure that was standing turned at the noise and took off running, Kelly ran after him but lost his footing and fell in the dirt, and despite the darkness he saw the second figure on the ground mere inches away from him and saw it was Casey, naked, face down, his hands tied behind his back with a belt, a dirty white handkerchief in his mouth, his legs tied together behind his back, a cord tied in a noose around his neck with the other end tied to his ankle to tighten around his throat.

"Casey! Oh my God!"

Kelly was just barely aware of the sound of Capp and Tony chasing the figure that disappeared into the night, he was too frazzled to even see if Casey was still breathing, he pulled out his pocket knife and quickly cut through the cord, severing the noose from the knot tied around his foot. Without that pressure maintained to keep his body semi-taught, his legs collapsed on the ground and his whole body fell dead against the dirt.

"Casey! Can you hear me?"

Kelly undid the belt that confined his wrists, then turned him over and untied the noose and removed the handkerchief. There wasn't much light to see by, he couldn't see any movement in Casey's chest. As Kelly leaned over to listen for a heartbeat, his eyes widened in horror when he saw the massive trench that had been dug on the site, that Casey's limp body was perilously close to the edge of. It seemed obvious what was going to happen to him once the guy that attacked him had finished with him. Kelly pressed his ear to Casey's chest, the heartbeat was faint, but it was there. He pressed his fingers against the pulse in Casey's neck. Slow, but steady. Then, the pressure of his fingers seemed to catch a breath in his throat because Casey started coughing and he couldn't stop. Kelly grabbed him by the arm and pulled him up in a sitting position and held him in his arms. Casey's skin was freezing, it was obvious he'd been out in the elements for a while. Kelly shrugged off his jacket and draped it over Casey's shoulders as he patted Matt's back and waited for him to catch his breath.

"Casey, can you hear me? Casey, it's Severide, do you know what happened? Do you know where you are?"

A slow moan emanated from Casey's throat as he leaned against Kelly weakly.

"Casey it's me, can you look at me? Can you open your eyes?"

Casey groaned again and slowly raised his head, Kelly saw his eyes open, and was thankful for that, but the dazed expression on his face quickly became a scowl as he violently shoved Kelly and yelled at him, his voice cracking in parts, "Don't look at me!"

"Casey-"

"Don't look at me!"

The disgust and shame and fear were all clear in his voice, Casey turned away and covered his face with his hands and started sobbing hysterically. Kelly fell on his knees and inched over towards him. "Casey-"

Matt shoved away the hand that reached out to him. Kelly looked around and tried to figure out what to do next. With the sparse aid of a few blinking lights, he thought he saw something and crawled along on the ground, feeling his way through the darkness. He found Casey's shirt, and a few feet away from that he found his jeans, and his jacket. He searched the area around that but couldn't find anything else, Casey's boots, his underwear, they weren't there. Kelly didn't have time to think about what that meant, as he gathered up the clothes he could find, he felt something in the pocket of the jeans. He reached in and could make out the distinct feeling of a cracked phone screen. No wonder the phone had cut out on him, it felt like the whole thing had been destroyed. He couldn't think about that now either, he made his way back over to Casey who had all but curled in a ball on the cold dirt ground.

"Casey, look at me," Kelly said as he took his jacket off and tried to help Matt into his shirt, "we're gonna get you out of here, okay? It's going to be alright."

Casey didn't verbally answer but he tried to shove Kelly away, which he interpreted as Casey didn't want his help getting dressed. He set the clothes down and moved away to give Casey some privacy. As he did, he saw two figures heading back their way.

"The bastard got away," Capp announced as he and Tony returned, both of them looking exhausted by the chase.

"Any idea who it was?" Kelly asked.

"Not a chance," Tony sighed, "how's Casey?"

"Alive," Kelly wasn't sure what to say past that. He looked back and saw Matt had gotten his clothes back on, but hadn't moved from where he sat on the ground. "Come on, we better get him to the hospital."

He hadn't considered whether Casey would hear him or not, but apparently he did because when they got close to him, he got a wild look in his eyes and tried to get to his feet, but fell back down trying to get away from them as he barked at them, "No, no hospital, I'm not going!"

"Casey, calm down," Kelly held his hands out in a non-threatening gesture, "we just need to make sure you're-"

"No!" Casey yelled at him, "No hospital, no doctor, nothing!"

Kelly's head was swimming and he didn't have any idea what to make of what was going on. None of this felt real, it was like a nightmare, but he knew he wasn't going to wake up. His brain couldn't process what he had witnessed, but despite this, he was pretty sure he knew what had happened, and he knew why Casey didn't want to go, but he knew they had to do something.

"Okay, okay," he said, trying to get Matt to calm down, "you don't want to go, we won't go, alright? It's okay."

Casey shook his head and scooted back on the ground and drew himself into a ball and buried his face in his hands. Kelly had absolutely _no_ idea what they were going to do.

Something occurred to him, and he mentioned to the others, "I'll stay with him, look around and see if you can find his keys, his wallet, they're missing."

"Copy that, Kelly," Tony said.

While they searched the grounds of the construction site, Kelly tried to inch his way over to Casey without him going into attack mode, and tried to get him to calm down. Both were just about impossible.

"Casey, he's gone, he can't hurt you anymore, we're going to get you out of here and you're going to be alright. Okay? We're gonna..." Kelly took a chance reaching out and touching Casey's arm...and he felt something wet and sticky. He pulled his hand back and mindlessly repeated, "we're gonna-" as he looked and saw it was blood. He hadn't thought, nor had there been time, or sufficient lighting to see what injuries Casey had sustained in his attack.

"No hospital," Casey weakly said as he lowered his hands, "please don't make me go."

"Casey, you're hurt."

"I'm fine, don't take me."

The fight was steadily leaving Casey, even his voice was weakening, he may have been dead set against going to the hospital, but now he just sounded like a tired child trying to be stubborn.

"Okay, Casey," Kelly said, "we _won't_ take you, _if_...if, we're sure that you don't need it."

Casey shook his head, "Don't need it, just take me home."

"We're working on it, Matt," Kelly felt like his head was about to float right off his shoulders, there were a lot of things it should've been obvious to him to point out but he couldn't think of them, and if he did he didn't make the connection to how they fit in the conversation. "Casey, we need to get somewhere that..." he was going to say they could get him cleaned up, but he wasn't sure how that would go over. "We need to know how serious your injuries are."

"Not serious, just take me home, please," Casey insisted.

"Casey, do you trust me?"

Matt shook his head.

"I don't believe you...I think you do...you know I'm not going to hurt you, right?"

Matt looked down and shook his head again.

"Casey," Kelly moved over towards him and said softly, "We're going to get out of here, and we're gonna go somewhere you can wash up, and if your injuries _aren't_ that bad, we _won't_ go to the hospital, you have my word. But...if I see something that concerns me, we're going." Casey took in a wheezing sigh of protest but before he could say anything, Kelly told him, "If we do, we'll go somewhere nobody knows us, we won't give them your name...but if it's not serious, we won't do it, okay? We'll just go home, is that alright?"

A small sob was the only answer he got.

"Casey, you can trust me, you know that, right?" Kelly asked.

There was no answer. Kelly carefully took Matt's hand in his and told his friend, "Come on, let's get you in the car, it's cold out here. It's going to be alright."

Kelly just got Casey in the passenger side of his car and got the heat on, and shut the door when he saw Tony and Capp returning.

"All we found were his keys, no sign of the wallet," Tony said.

"He doesn't want to go to the hospital," Kelly told them. "I understand why he doesn't, but I wish he'd let us take him."

"So what _are_ we gonna do?" Capp wanted to know.

"I don't know...he's _not_ going to want to talk to the cops, definitely _not_ going to want a word of this getting back to anyone else at 51..." Kelly paced around a minute and sighed as he considered their options. Something came to him and he stopped, and told the others, "Okay...here's what we're gonna do...we're going to stop in at 51, it's closer than his apartment...we'll get him to the locker room, he has a change of clothes there _and_ there's enough light to see how bad he's hurt...if it's bad then we're going to take him to the hospital anyway, if not..." he sighed in defeat, "he wants this to go away...it goes against my better judgment but I think we need to honor that."

"Kelly-"

"If there's any..." Kelly felt acid jump into his throat as the visual image of the words he was about to say popped into his head, "if there's any of that guy's DNA on him...it, and the blood...it's all disappearing, nobody's going to find out about this, there's not going to be anything for the cops to go on...we'll get his truck out of here...nobody's going to know he was here." He looked at his men, and said with as much authority as on shift when he was in charge, "Is that understood?"

It was obvious from their faces that there was no question about it.

"Alright," he said, taking their silence for an answer, "let's get out of here."


	3. Chapter 3

Present-

Kelly knew that time was of the essence to make sure nobody on Third Watch came into the locker room to find out who was taking a shower at 1 o' clock in the morning, but once he took over the job of washing the blood and dirt off Casey's skin, he became obsessed with making sure there wasn't a speck of blood left anywhere on his friend. He'd already washed Casey's hair three times, his fingertips tracing all over his scalp, making sure there wasn't a spot of blood hiding between his blonde hairs. Casey still hadn't said a word, had hardly moved, it was only slightly less awkward than trying to bathe one of the rescue dummies. There were a few small cuts on his face, his arms, the bruises were bigger and more concerning, especially the telltale ligature ring around his neck, there was no way these could be hidden if he showed up for next shift, or even the one after that, though Kelly didn't see that happening.

Suddenly Casey leaned forward and with very little strain or noise, threw up on the shower floor. It was little more than clear liquid, but a second bout of nausea washed over him and he pressed his head even closer to the floor as more fluid came up. Kelly crouched beside Casey and rubbed his back soothingly and told him, only half aware of what he was saying, "It's alright, get it out."

As Casey sat up again, and Kelly moved to get behind Casey to resume washing him, he saw much larger cuts running almost straight across Casey's back.

"Okay," he said as he thought about what he had to do. "This is gonna hurt, Casey, just stay with me, it'll be over in a minute."

He tried as best he could to gently scrub the dried blood out of the cuts and see how bad they were. Casey made a few small sounds in his throat, but he squirmed and struggled and tried to get up, and away from Kelly, who maintained a firm hold on him so he could get the job done.

"I know, I know, buddy, I'm sorry," he said sympathetically as he watched the blood disappear and looked at the pink open wounds, so far no new blood rose to the surface, but he knew they'd still have to be cleaned out with an antiseptic to make sure they didn't get infected. And he wasn't looking forward to that either. Though for that matter...he knew it'd be easier to do while he had Casey in the shower.

"Stay right here, buddy, I need to get something and I'll be right back."

Kelly got to his feet, the circulation already half gone from them from kneeling on the shower floor so long, stepped out of the shower, and leaving a wet trail across the floor, went back to his locker and took out a bottle of hydrogen peroxide and headed back to the stall. To his relief, but not much to his surprise, Casey was in the exact same spot Kelly had left him in on the floor.

"This is gonna burn, Casey, I'm sorry," he said as he unscrewed the cap, then poured the peroxide all over Casey's back.

Even with the blood washed out, he watched in awe as the peroxide filled the cuts and the foam thickened enough to actually stand up from the skin. A few small moans escaped Casey but he didn't move much. One thing Kelly had made sure to watch for was any new blood washing down the drain with the water, and so far there hadn't been any, giving him some minor relief that Casey knew what he was talking about when he said he didn't need to go to the hospital. If however, when they got out of there, things started to go downhill, he didn't care what he'd promised Casey, he would have him rushed to the hospital, and he would figure out then what to tell everyone, until that happened though, he was determined to help Casey make this go away, as much as he could. No police, no doctors, no...rape kit, the very thought of it still made his stomach churn. No, he could understand very well why Casey didn't want anyone to find out...he just wished it was as easy to make the _memory_ of what happened also disappear.

A different sound was making its way up from Casey's throat now, Kelly realized he was crying again. He could just imagine how horrible the whole night had been for him already, and how humiliating it must've been for him now.

"It's going to be alright, Casey," he tried to be reassuring, and he thought he knew what it was Casey needed to hear. "I promise you that nobody else is going to know about this...Boden is _not_ going to know about this. Okay?"

The only answer he got was a small sob that caught in Casey's throat.

* * *

Kelly had already changed into a dry set of clothes, and he'd gotten Casey wrapped up in two towels, out of the shower, and parked on the bench by the lockers. Now that Casey was out of the shower, he fell against Kelly, his head against Kelly's shoulder, crying softly and steadily at what had happened. Severide held him in his arms for a couple minutes until he'd dried off, then he patted Casey's shoulder and told him, "I'll let you get dressed, then we'll get out of here. I'll be right outside, okay?"

He let go of Casey, reluctantly if he was honest, and got up from the bench, and headed outside where Tony and Capp were still standing watch.

"Keep an eye on him if he comes out until I get back," he told them.

"Where're you going?" Tony asked.

Kelly took his phone out of his pocket as he headed down the hall and told them, "I'm calling Antonio. The guy that did this to Casey got his wallet, he knows where he lives, he might be planning to come back!"

That idea honestly hadn't occurred to either of the other Squad members. They moved a few feet away from the door and looked up and down the hall to make sure nobody was coming. A minute later they heard the door open and looked back and saw Casey wander out, clean and dressed, and trying very futilely to keep himself pulled together. He took a few steps, then his body sagged against the wall as he started crying again, looking just as lost now as he had when Hallie died, if not more.

The two Squad members looked at each other wordlessly for a minute. Finally Capp walked over to Casey and without a word pulled the Truck lieutenant into a crushing bear hug.

"We're gonna get the bastard that did this, Casey," he told the blonde man, a determination in his voice that nobody at 51 had ever heard before, "Don't you worry about that. You just leave it to us."

A sobbing breath entered and quickly exited Casey's body again as he weakly grabbed hold of the other man and said in another sobbing breath, "Thanks, Capp."

Severide came back just at that time and his eyes widened at the unexpected sight before him.

Capp kept hold of Casey with one arm and raised his other hand and patted the Truck lieutenant on the back as he told him, "You're gonna be okay, just take it easy. We'll take care of this."

Kelly quietly reinserted himself into the situation and came up to them as Capp let go of Matt, and said softly, "Come on, Casey, let's get you home."

Casey tiredly nodded and let Kelly practically lead him down the hall.

"Thanks, guys," Kelly quietly said as he turned towards the others.

"No problem, Kelly," Tony told him.

* * *

Severide took Casey back to his own apartment. Antonio and the guys from Intelligence were going to go over Casey's apartment and see if there had been any sign of an intrusion, and until Kelly was satisfied that it was safe, he was going to keep Matt with him, he just hadn't known at the time how literal that decision was.

2:30 in the morning found Kelly seated on his couch right beside Casey who had latched onto him and buried his face in the crook of Kelly's neck as he sobbed softly, clinging to his best friend as if hanging on for his very life. Kelly wrapped an arm around Casey's back and held him close, he didn't say anything, there wasn't anything to say. He would swear he could _feel_ the terror running through Casey's body, and he knew he had to let Casey wear himself out if he was ever going to sleep, though right now Kelly wasn't sure how likely that was.

They'd gone to his apartment and Casey had moved straight for the couch, he'd been crying for most of the car ride there, but once Kelly locked the door behind him, then the tears had really come. Kelly sat down beside him and Casey had reached over and wrapped his arms around Kelly's ribs like he was scared to let go of him. Kelly understood it, at least he thought he did, he wished he didn't. The scenes from that night, chasing after the man who did this, and finding Casey's body right by the trench, not knowing immediately if he was dead or alive, the cord wrapped around his neck, the blood he'd washed off in the shower, they kept playing over and over in his head and it was like he couldn't see anything else. But he said nothing, just sat there and quietly offered his best friend all the support he could, just wanting this night to be over.

He guessed eventually they both fell asleep, he opened his eyes and it was morning, he had no recollection when or how long they'd slept, Casey was still leaning against him, his arms wrapped around him. Kelly hated to wake him up but he knew there was stuff they had to deal with, and soon.

"Casey," he whispered, "Casey..."

"Hm?" Casey shot up on the couch and opened his eyes.

"You want some coffee?" Kelly asked.

Casey rubbed his eyes and looked around and after a minute seemed to figure out where he was, and looked at Kelly, and merely nodded.

* * *

"How're you feeling?" Kelly asked as he started the coffee maker.

"I don't want to talk about it," Casey said as he sat down at the table.

"Okay...I understand that..." But Kelly still meant what he said, he'd keep an eye on Casey, and at the first sign of serious distress, he was taking him to the hospital, even if Casey hated him for it.

"Can you talk about what happened last night?" he asked.

Casey looked down and shook his head.

"Was it the guy that called you?" Kelly wanted to know, his stomach turning at the thought that he had spoken to the person responsible for this and didn't even realize it.

"I _don't_ want to talk about it," Casey told him, simultaneously defensive and exhausted.

"Casey-"

"I don't want anyone to know what happened," Casey said.

"I promised you, nobody else knows, nobody's going to know, I'm not going to tell anybody at 51," Kelly tried to assure him.

Casey stood up, looking ready to pounce on Kelly, but the fight quickly left him and he fell back in the chair.

"Tony and Capp know, they were _there_!"

"They're not going to tell anyone, you know that, they just want to make sure you're alright," Kelly said.

He knew what was coming next wouldn't be easy, but putting it off wouldn't make it any easier, so he bit the bullet and admitted to Casey, "I called Antonio and told him what happened."

The look of sheer horror and betrayal on Matt's face couldn't be described in words.

"How could you do that to me?!"

"Casey, they have to catch this guy, and they're not going to tell anyone either, you know that. Antonio said they'd keep it in-house."

"You had no right!" Casey jumped to his feet again.

"You can hate me all you want, Casey they _can_ investigate this and keep the worst details out of it. Okay? Officially, you were _still_ attacked, you were assaulted, you were mugged, this guy's got your wallet, he's got-"

Severide's comment was cut off by a gasping sound of disbelief that matched the shocked expression on Casey's face. Apparently he hadn't even put the pieces together that the man who attacked him now knew where he lived, and this piece of information was just too much.

Casey opened his mouth, and at first no sound came out, then a breath that turned into a small sob. He leaned forward and buried his face in the tabletop, despite this Kelly was able to hear the words that followed.

"I don't want everyone to know. I don't want to be a victim!"

Kelly would've sworn he could _feel_ his heart breaking at those pained words.

"Casey," he crossed over to the table and crouched beside the man seated at it, "Casey, nobody thinks that."

A long and loud sobbing breath tore loose from Casey's chest in response.

"Come on up here," Kelly eased Casey back into an upright position and hugged him as his friend cried. "They're just going to make sure he hasn't been there, and they'll ask a few questions, it won't be that bad. I'll be with you."

"I don't want to be a victim," Casey tearfully repeated into Kelly's shoulder.

"I know, Casey," he replied, "trust me, please?"

A louder sob ripped through Casey's throat as he held onto Kelly.

"It's going to be alright, trust me."


	4. Chapter 4

Casey felt like he had a hangover as they reached his apartment and his skull wanted to cave in from the noise of somebody drilling a new deadbolt into his door. He and Kelly made their way past the open door and saw there was a whole crew working in the apartment, a locksmith replacing the locks on the door, forensics people taking prints, and Antonio Dawson and Hank Voight waiting to talk to the two firemen.

"No sign of forcible entry," Antonio told them, "all the same we're not taking chances. You said he didn't get Matt's keys?"

"Just the wallet as far as we can tell," Kelly said.

"I don't keep much cash around the house," Casey said distantly as he looked around at everything happening.

"Do you know how much was in the wallet?" Antonio asked.

"Uh...couple hundred."

"Okay well we can talk to the credit card companies and flag your card so if anybody uses it," Antonio started to say, but was cut off.

"No credit card," Casey said as he turned and looked at what the people in his kitchen were doing.

"You don't have a credit card?" Antonio raised an eyebrow inquisitively.

"I have one," Casey replied with much difficulty, as if it was too hard to even form the words together. "Not in the wallet."

"Okay, where is it?"

"Freezer."

"Huh?" Antonio asked.

"It's-in-the-free-zer," Casey said with heavy emphasis on each word, then added in an annoyed tone, "don't ask."

"We don't think the guy's been here," Voight told Casey. "All the same would you mind looking around and telling us if anything's missing, or been moved?"

Casey looked at the Intelligence sergeant tiredly and confusedly, "Like what?"

Voight shrugged. "Anything...anything that means something to you...anything you know where it's supposed to be. Just look around."

Casey didn't get it, but he sighed and answered, "Okay."

"You want to check the bedroom first?" Voight gestured to the door.

Matt couldn't figure out what relevance that had, but it seemed that Voight was trying to get his attention. He gave in, "Uh...okay..."

Voight stood beside the door and watched as Casey headed in, then as Kelly started to follow him in, Voight inserted himself between Severide and the door and said, "If you don't mind, this is private." And with that, he shut the door in Kelly's face.

Kelly turned to Antonio with a very confused look and asked, "What's that about?"

"Don't worry about it, what can you tell me about the guy that attacked Casey?"

"Not much," Kelly answered, "I think I talked to him."

"You _think_?"

"Some guy called Casey's phone asking about a construction job, I answered the phone."

"Would you recognize the voice if you heard it again?"

"I...don't know," Kelly shook his head helplessly.

* * *

"What am I supposed to be looking for? I already told you I don't keep a lot of money around," Casey said.

"Understood, but you and I both know somebody that comes in and steals a person's underwear is more dangerous than somebody looking for money," Voight responded.

For the first time that day Casey rolled his eyes and laughed, "Oh come on, Hank."

"Matt, you know it's true," Voight told him. "Come on, we read the same papers, we see the same news, that's how these guys work, personal effects are their trophies." He saw Matt grimace and seemed to draw into himself. "What is it?"

"Nothing," Casey insisted.

"Okay, so," Voight gestured to Casey's dresser, "You mind taking a look and just checking?"

"You really think..."

"I'm gonna need you to tell me," Voight said.

Hesitantly, Casey headed over to the dresser and opened the top drawer for his socks and underwear. Very quickly sifting through the contents, he slammed the drawer and said, "I don't think so."

"I get that this is hard for you, Matt," the cop told him.

"What do you know?" Casey snapped.

"I know you would prefer it if this could all very quickly go away," Voight answered softly. "The only way that can happen is if we know what we're looking for."

"I didn't want Kelly to tell anyone."

"I understand," Hank replied, "Anything you tell me, and anything we find, won't go any further than the bullpen at the 21st."

"I didn't want anyone to know about this," Casey said.

"I get it, Matt," Voight told him. "But we gotta find this guy."

"Why?" he asked helplessly.

There was a brief silence before Voight answered simply, "Because this guy has experience and knows what he's doing, he's had other victims, there will be others if we don't catch him."

Casey didn't want to think about that. He didn't want to think about anything. Voight was right, Casey just wanted all of this to go away.

"I know how hard this is for you, Casey," Voight said, drawing the lieutenant out of his own thoughts. "But I need you to tell me what you can, so we can find him."

"How?"

"We establish an MO, we can check for other open cases that match, we could find something," Voight said, and addressed the elephant in the room that Casey thought he'd managed to hide from everyone in the apartment. "Would you mind starting by opening your collar?"

Casey's hand subconsciously raised to his throat.

* * *

Kelly jotted something down on a piece of scrap paper and told Antonio, "Here's the partial on the license plate Tony was able to get when the guy got away, he said it looked like a red Mercedes but didn't get a good look at it."

"It's a good start," Antonio told him.

"Oh, something else," Kelly reached in his jacket and took out a plastic baggie with Casey's smashed phone in it. "I don't know if your guys can salvage anything off it, but maybe the number's on here."

"We'll have it checked," Antonio said. "How's Casey holding up?"

"He's not, he's mad at me for calling you, I get it, he doesn't want everyone to know what happened, he doesn't want to be a victim."

"Nobody does," Antonio said. "But from what you tell me, it sounds very likely we're dealing with a serial killer."

Kelly felt his eyes widen. "Are you serious?"

"He's obviously done this before, he has experience, it's unlikely he was going to let Matt walk away when he was done with him, if we're lucky we can find an open case somewhere that the details match and get an idea about the guy we're looking for," Antonio said. "In the meantime...are you staying with Casey?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Then you better get ready for the fight of your life, everything Casey's feeling, he's going to take out on somebody and right now that's going to be you...just try to remember he doesn't mean it."

Kelly nodded. "I understand."

"Do you know what you're going to do?" Antonio asked. "I mean, he walks into 51 with those bruises, people are going to ask questions, he can't hide the ligature marks on his neck from everyone."

"I know," Kelly sighed, "I'm going to call Boden later and try to buy some time to get us a couple shift off, I figure by then the worst of it should be healed and if not, I'll have a few more days to think of a new excuse."

"At some point he _is_ going to have to talk to somebody about it," Dawson told him.

"He won't even tell _me_ about what happened, he's not going to talk to a shrink," Kelly said.

"Maybe not, but if he doesn't want to do the one-on-one, there _are_ support groups he could try."

"Support groups?" Kelly repeated in disbelief.

"Trauma survivors," Antonio said.

"Casey doesn't want anyone thinking he's a victim, I don't think he's going to take any kindlier to being called a survivor," Severide told the cop.

"Yeah well, it's something to keep in mind once he's had a chance to process everything and come to terms with what happened to him," Antonio replied. "Nobody is going to be _okay_ after going through what he did."

* * *

Voight put his phone back in his pocket and Casey put his shirt back on and buttoned up his jacket.

"Nobody outside of Intelligence is going to see these, and when the case is over, they'll be deleted," he assured the fireman.

Casey didn't say anything and just kept buttoning his jacket.

"I can appreciate how hard this is, but the information you gave will help us find this guy," Voight told him.

Casey glumly nodded and sat on the edge of his bed and looked at the floor.

"You want me to send Severide in here?" Hank asked.

Casey shook his head.

"Okay, I'll get my men and we'll be on our way. I'm sorry about what happened to you, Matt."

Casey lightly nodded his head, still looked at the floor.

"Hey."

Voight's voice was closer now. Casey looked up, Hank stood over him and held out a card in front of him. Casey took it and saw it had his name and number on it.

"You want to talk to somebody about what happened, or _not_, or you see the guy that did this to you...you call me, okay?" Voight asked.

Casey looked at the card, felt his eyes starting to sting, and weakly nodded again.

Voight's hand gripped his shoulder, it took every ounce of self restraint Casey had not to jump up screaming, only to look at it and then at Hank.

"You're gonna be alright, Casey."

He wished he felt as sure of that as Voight sounded. Hank left the room and through the closed door he could hear the cop's raspy voice, "Alright, let's get out of here." After that it got too low for Casey to make out anything. Then it got quiet in the living room, and he heard the front door shut. A few minutes later, there was a knock at the bedroom door and Kelly opened it.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

Casey raised his gaze only enough to be looking at the bottom of the opposite wall instead of the floor, and shook his head.

Kelly stood in the doorway and tried again, "You want to come out here?"

Casey shook his head again.

"You need anything?"

Another shake of the head.

"Okay," but Kelly wasn't moving yet. He thought for a minute, and flat out asked the Truck lieutenant, "Can I give you a hug?"

That got Casey to look at him, and with no readable expression on his face, he stood up and crossed over to the doorway and the two embraced.

"I'm here if you need anything," Kelly told him, "you know that."

He felt Casey's head nod against him.

"You want to lie down and rest?"

Casey slowly nodded again.

"Okay," Kelly pulled back, "if you do need anything, let me know."

Casey nodded mindlessly again as Kelly left the room, he shut the door, took off his shoes and laid face down on top of the bed and closed his eyes.

_A muffled scream caught in his throat as he felt somebody grabbing his legs and jerking them behind his head. He could only look straight ahead, and straight ahead of him was a hole dug in the dirt that he couldn't even tell how deep it was, but it was big enough, and deep enough, and waiting to swallow him. Whatever breath was left in him was choked out as an arm locked around his throat as his head was forced back, he couldn't clearly see the man but his nose burned from the cheap cologne he was wearing, and as the man spoke, the words weren't coherent but his voice boomed in Casey's skull. The sound of his doom._

Casey's eyes flew open and he rolled over onto his back, bent his knees, placed his arms behind his head, and stared up at the ceiling.

* * *

Casey turned over, and let out a startled scream and fell off the edge of the bed. The room was pitch dark, he didn't know where he was, he didn't know what time it was, all he knew was he was falling, and there was a loud sound of impact as his leg got banged against the metal bed frame as he hit the floor. The pain shot through his leg like few injuries he'd suffered before. That alone was enough to draw an excruciating yell out of him, that, coupled with the frustration of it all, left Casey screaming continuously and pounding his fists against the floor and kicking it with his feet.

The door opened and the lights came on and Kelly came in to see what was the matter. He found Casey in a heap on the floor beside the bed, screaming and crying in pain and anguish and right now very much resembling an aggravated child throwing a tantrum.

"Casey, what happened, you okay?" Kelly crouched down beside him on the floor.

Casey stopped kicking and pounding the floor and instead buried his face in the carpet crying. Kelly had no way of knowing what had happened and futilely tried to get answers as he nudged Casey over to look at him.

"What happened, did you hurt yourself? Are you okay? Can you look at me? Can you open your eyes?"

After a few minutes Casey started to quiet down, and with a distressed sigh he finally looked up at Kelly.

"Are you okay?" Kelly asked him.

Casey didn't answer but he absently touched his leg with both hands and Kelly thought he got the picture.

"Let me see," he said as he reached to roll up the leg of Casey's jeans.

"Oh boy," he said when he saw the large section running from Casey's knee almost down to his ankle that was already turning an ugly shade of purple, "that's gonna be sore for a while. Come on let's get you back in bed."

He reached for Casey's hand to pull him up but instead the lieutenant threw himself flat on the floor. It was obvious getting back in bed was the last thing he planned to do.

"Come on, Casey, let's get you off the floor."

"Don't."

The determination in his voice left little room for questions. Kelly was taken aback by this, but still trying to think.

"You want to come out and sit on the couch?"

Casey shook his head.

Kelly tried to think of something else, and he got an idea.

"Hang on." He got up long enough to yank the pillow and the top covers off the bed in one fluid movement. He spread the top sheet and bedspread out full length and managed to coax Casey to roll over in the middle and brought the ends up together like a sleeping bag.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

"Like a cinnamon roll," Casey answered unamused.

"You want the ice pack for your leg?"

"No. Just leave me alone, please."

Kelly tried not to let on that Casey's snipes bothered him, he knew Antonio was right and that Casey wasn't _trying_ to push him away, not really. He wished Casey would let him try to help him but he supposed he should be grateful Casey didn't have a screaming fit every time Severide got near him.

"Okay," he said softly. "I'll be in the living room if you need anything."

"I won't."

"Try and get some sleep."

"Yeah, yeah," Casey grumbled.

Kelly stopped at the door and asked, "You want the light on?"

"No."

"You want the door open?"

"No."

Kelly just nodded. "Okay."

* * *

"Hey Chief, sorry to call you so late," Kelly said as he paced around the kitchen, keeping his voice low so Casey wouldn't overhear, "Casey and I won't be in tomorrow. He called me earlier screaming in pain, I rushed over, he threw his back out, I had to take him to the hospital, we just got back a little while ago, he is pretty much bedridden, he can't hardly get from the bed to the bathroom without me helping him. The docs gave him some meds to help with it but they still said it'll probably be at least a week before he can come back to work."

"Understood," Boden's voice replied over the phone, "Herrmann can fill in for Casey until he's recovered, I'll call in a replacement Squad lieutenant tomorrow."

"Thanks, Chief."

"Let Casey know everybody at 51 hopes he has a fast recovery, and keep me updated on his condition."

"Copy that, Chief," Kelly said.

Kelly hung up and sighed. He knew there wasn't anything he could do now except be patient and wait, and that was the worst feeling in the world to him. If there was something he could actively be doing, that'd be one thing, but standing around and just waiting to see what happened. And what was he waiting for?

He looked to the front door and had another thought, what was Casey waiting for?

* * *

Casey kicked and shoved the covers away and got up. There was a faint light coming in the window from the streetlamp up the corner, it cast a shadow on the wall behind his bed and made a few objects immediately nearby identifiable in the otherwise pitch dark. He looked around at the rest of the room in the dark, and felt his mouth dry, his heart actively beating against his chest, looking this way and that, as if he was expecting something, but what?

He walked towards the door and put his ear against it. No sound from the living room. Severide must be asleep by now. Casey sighed as he considered what he was going to do next. He had to use the bathroom, but he didn't want to wake Kelly up on the way. He quietly opened the door, and looked out into the pitch dark of the apartment. Casey felt himself press his back against the wall so he had a point of reference and wasn't just mindlessly stumbling around in the dark. He knew it was just a few feet to the bathroom door, but he couldn't see anything, and...

There was a sound from somewhere in the apartment and Casey felt his breath catch in the back of his throat. What was it? Where was it? Was somebody there? He pressed himself even flatter against the wall and waited to see if the sound happened again, if it got closer next time, or further, or...

_Ch-chank_

Casey took in a slow breath that came back out as a sigh. It was the ice maker in the freezer, dropping a new batch of cubes in the metal container. Get a grip, Casey, he told himself as he took a step, still with his back pressed against the wall. He was aware that he was doing it, and he knew why he was doing it, and he felt like an idiot for it, but he couldn't step away from the wall, he couldn't turn and walk through the dark with his back exposed. He held his hand out and felt for the door, then for the knob, with a small sound from the bolt that never really held in place anyway when the door was shut, he pulled it open, and was met with more total darkness, and he panicked. He blindly groped out for the light switch and found it, and was immediately blinded by the bright light. He stepped into the room and pulled the door shut behind him before Severide woke up and wondered what was going on.

* * *

Casey sat on the edge of the tub and stared at the door. His eyes had finally adjusted to the light, though they still hurt and he was so tired. He dragged the tips of his fingers down his face and sighed. He'd made his way through the dark a thousand times in his apartment, from the bed to the kitchen or the bathroom, or the living room to watch TV when he couldn't sleep. Never gave it a thought. Never had any need to question what was out there? Was somebody waiting in the dark?

He knew it wasn't possible. Nobody had been in the apartment before Voight and his crew got there. The locks were changed. There was no way anybody could get in, he had the only key so far. There was no way anybody could've gotten in, and hidden out while the cops were searching the place. It simply wasn't possible, so why couldn't he walk through the darkened rooms now, just as he had all those other times? And how...was he going to go back out into the dark, and make his way back to the bedroom, and go to sleep in the pitch dark? Could he do it? Yes. Could he do it without clinging to the wall every step of the way? He had to, but could he?

With a tired sigh, Casey stood up, went to the door, shut off the light and pushed the door open, and stood there in the dark for a moment and listened. No noise. No footsteps. Nobody breathing. He could just faintly recognize the ticking of the clock in the living room. He took a step, as he'd done a thousand times before, and took another step, and then...pressed himself against the wall and inched his way back to his bedroom door, where he quickly shut the door, and turned on his light, and went around the room, checking every possible place somebody could be hiding. There was nobody there. But he was reluctant to turn off the light. Hardly a crack of it should show under the door, it couldn't be enough to wake up Kelly on the couch. Casey returned to his makeshift bed on the floor, and just looked around the room for the next few hours.


	5. Chapter 5

"You hungry?" Kelly asked the next morning when Casey finally dragged himself into the kitchen.

Matt grumbled and shook his head as he headed for the coffee.

"You hardly ate anything yesterday," Kelly pointed out.

"I'm fine," Casey insisted.

"Okay," Kelly knew they weren't going to get anywhere arguing. "Did you sleep?"

Casey made a small grunt and a gesture that could've gone either way.

"How's your leg?"

"Fine."

"Can I see it?"

"No," Casey said quickly and definitively.

"Okay...would you mind if I took your temperature?"

"What?" Casey spun around and saw Kelly had the digital forehead thermometer he kept in the medicine cabinet on the table, "why?"

"Because I know you don't want to go to the hospital," Kelly answered. "And I want to make sure we can afford that luxury."

Casey could tell there wasn't any way out of this, but he told Kelly, "I'll do it."

Kelly slid the thermometer across the table to his reach and asked while they waited, "You having any headaches?"

"No."

"Dizzy?"

"No."

"Feeling weak?"

"No."

"Any chest or abdominal pain? Any vision problems? Feel like you're gonna pass out?"

"I hate you acting like an EMT," Casey said as the thermometer beeped.

"I'm certified as an EMT," Kelly replied.

"Save it for a civilian," Casey told him as he looked at the screen, "98.3. See? I'm fine."

"I called Boden, told him you hurt your back and we'd be off a couple shifts," Kelly changed the subject. "Thought by then the bruises would probably be gone and nobody would be asking any questions."

Casey stared at him for a minute as if he wasn't sure what Severide had just told him. Then he got out a small, uncertain, "Thanks."

Kelly decided to try again, "You want something to eat?"

Casey looked down hesitantly.

"I got cinnamon rolls."

Casey looked up and tried to suppress the smirk that appeared on his face, and failed, "Not funny."

"You gotta eat," Kelly pointed out.

"Alright," Casey said reluctantly, "alright."

* * *

The next couple days passed slowly and painfully, Casey didn't want to go out and do anything, which Kelly understood, so most of the day consisted of the two of them sitting on the couch watching TV, but Kelly quickly discovered that Casey's encounter had definitely had an impact on him. They were watching a cop show when Kelly looked over and noticed that Casey was having a physical reaction to the victim on the screen being assaulted. His eyes were wide, his breathing was slowed and labored, he was starting to perspire and his skin was turning a paler shade than usual. As the simulated violence got more intense and more graphic and the victim's screams got increasingly louder, Casey started shifting uncomfortably in his seat and looked like he was either going to have a panic attack or run out of the room completely. Without a word, Kelly changed the channel and tried to find something 'safer' to watch, and quickly found out that that was not as easy as it seemed. Until now Kelly never gave much thought to the complaints of parents of how violent and graphic TV had become, but quickly realized just how many movies and TV shows really were all the same as far as the content went. Scene after scene after scene of brutal violence, graphic violence, barbaric violence, sexual violence, every one pushing the boundary further and further of what could be shown, some escalating straight into what Kelly understood to be the definition of 'torture porn'. The silence between them was an awkward one but Kelly was more afraid to break it and risk saying the wrong thing and making things even worse between them.

At the risk of sounding like a parent, though not his own, Kelly could remember when he was a kid and you could easily find two dozen channels with family friendly programming on it, granted back then there was a lot less the networks could get away with showing, so maybe that was why. He had to scroll through 50 channels to find one playing reruns of 'Frasier', not something he ever paid much attention to, but he noticed Casey's demeanor changed vastly and his breathing was back to normal, so he sat back and they watched TV for three hours, after that Kelly got up to make lunch, and Casey, who by now was visibly exhausted, sprawled out on the couch and said he was going to shut his eyes for a few minutes. It was 11 A.M. Kelly left him alone while he slept, checking on him every so often, but never getting close enough to wake him.

When Kelly finally _did_ decide to wake Casey up, he went over to the couch and lightly nudged Matt's shoulder. Casey swung at him and tried to hit him, then he woke up, and was confused by how bright the sunlight was in the room.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Casey," Kelly said calmly, "it's 4 o' clock."

"_What_?" Casey shot up on the couch, "That's not possible, it-"

Kelly _knew_ Casey wasn't sleeping at night, but he also knew Casey wouldn't admit it and he didn't know what to do to help him, so he didn't say anything about this either and just let Casey come to terms with the fact he'd slept all afternoon. If he'd actually had to be somewhere, it would make more sense why he was upset, but he hadn't set foot out of his apartment since they'd arrived the other day.

"I'm sorry," Casey said, thinking he'd put Severide out.

"It's okay, come on, let's get started on dinner."

* * *

Kelly left the kitchen and found Casey standing two feet from the front door just staring at it.

"He's not going to come back, Casey," Kelly said. "All the locks are changed, _nobody_ can get in here."

"I know," Casey nodded, not looking at him.

"You're safe now," Kelly told him as he stepped closer to Matt, "it's over."

"I know."

But Casey didn't sound convinced whatsoever.

"Casey...you need to leave this place, you know that, right?"

Casey finally turned and glared at him uncertainly. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you need to get a new phone, yours was broken," Kelly pointed out, not really surprised that Casey hadn't realized this fact before now.

"Oh..." he said, just now putting the pieces together.

"The store's still open, we could probably get in and out relatively quick," Kelly said.

Casey folded his arms against his chest and just stared at the door again.

"Casey..."

"Tomorrow," Casey said. He turned his head and said, "First thing in the morning."

Kelly got it, but he didn't say anything about it.

"Okay," Severide responded. He looked at Casey and pointed out, "And I guess once you do, you can call the DMV to get a new driver's license."

"Huh?" Casey asked absently, "oh, right..."

Kelly didn't like what he was seeing at all. Casey didn't seem to care if he never went outside again, especially at night. He couldn't drive his truck anywhere until he got issued a new license, and this didn't seem to bother him. Kelly had to keep reminding himself that Casey was gradually coming to terms with everything, obviously he wouldn't be back to normal right away. It was a process, it would take time, he just hoped they had that time without everyone else finding out what happened.

* * *

The next day Casey managed to talk Severide into going back to his own apartment, he insisted he was fine on his own. Kelly didn't believe one word of it but he knew Casey wasn't going to listen to reason. He hated that he wouldn't be able to keep an eye on Casey but he pointed out that Casey had his number and could call him at any time, Casey said he would, Kelly suspected he wouldn't, but that was the beauty of phones, they worked both ways. He had Matt's new number and could call and still keep tabs on how he was doing. It wasn't much but it was better than zero contact, and if he suspected anything was wrong he could come back over. But it was starting to dawn on him that maybe he needed to be gone for Casey to fully process what had happened to him. He'd give Casey his privacy, but he wouldn't be completely out of the picture.

Once Kelly had left, Casey locked the door behind him, then just to make sure, gave the knob a firm jerk to test it. The bolts held in place, if this was a fire they were responding to, simply kicking it in wouldn't do it, they'd need tools off the rig to bust the door down. That gave him some mild comfort. Even though it was daylight, Casey took the time to walk clear through the apartment and check everything, behind every door, in every closet, under the bed, behind the shower curtain. He _knew_ that he was alone, but he didn't _feel_ alone. He _felt_ like somebody was still there, watching him, waiting.

That night, even though Casey knew Severide's absence allowed him the freedom to move about the apartment any way he wanted, he tried once again to get through the night with the lights out. Every room was dark, his bedroom was dark, just the way it had always been before. He kept the blinds open to move by the street light, made his way over to the bed, crawled under the covers and closed his eyes. But he didn't sleep. He felt restless. He lay on his back looking at the ceiling, waiting for sleep, which never came. There was a sound outside his door, he instantly turned and looked towards it, as if expecting someone to bust into the room. There was no one. No one, and nothing.

It's the ice maker again, he told himself. Or it was the clock. Or it was water running through the pipes in the wall. All those normal household sounds that happened during the night that nobody ever paid attention to. But he was hearing every single one of them now, and every time he did he wanted to jump, because he was just sure that it somehow meant that _he_ was out there. But Casey kept reminding himself, nobody was out there, and nobody could get in there. Nobody had a key to the door, nobody could get a key, nobody could get those bolts undone, only he could do that, he was the only one with a key, he was the only person in the apartment.

Why then did it feel like there were a pair of eyes somewhere in the dark watching his every move?

Casey turned on his side, facing the window, facing the bluish light shining through the glass, and closed his eyes.

_The sharp treads of a boot dug into the middle of his back, a hand jerked his head clear back until he thought his neck was going to snap, an involuntary groan of pain escaped him. Something wrapped around his neck and started to pull tight._

Casey's eyes shot open and he got up and turned on the lights. It was going to be another long night.

* * *

"Hey Severide," Otis called from his spot behind the bar, "how's Casey doing?"

Kelly looked up from his phone, not really surprised but still disappointed he hadn't gotten a message from Casey, and responded, "Well he's good enough now he thinks he can hobble along without me, so we agreed to see less of each other."

That got a small laugh from some of the firefighters at the bar. It was constant surveillance on Kelly's part to remember the story he'd told Boden, that by now had gotten around to everybody at 51 about Casey throwing his back out, but it worked that Kelly could be half truthful about what was going on, so that was a small relief.

"Yeah?" Herrmann asked, "You think he'll be stopping in one of these days or what?"

"Give it time, Herrmann," was the only thing he could think to say.

A couple minutes later, Capp and Tony joined him at his table and Tony asked, "So how's Casey _really_ doing, Kelly?"

He shook his head. "He won't talk to me. He won't talk to anybody. He's holed up in his apartment all day, he won't sleep at night, I'm worried."

"The cops got anything yet?" Capp asked.

"Antonio said..." maybe it shouldn't have been as shocking to Kelly as it was, but there was something in what Antonio told him that had sat wrong with Kelly ever since that day, "they think it's a serial killer. They're running everything they know about the attack against any unsolved cases with similar patterns...haven't heard anything yet."

It was obvious that this thought had not occurred to either of the other Squad members, the looks on their faces were evident of that.

"You think this son of a bitch could actually come back?" Capp asked.

"I don't know," Kelly said. "Voight called in a favor and had Casey's locks changed, so there's no way the guy can get into the apartment, I guess that's something, but it doesn't help that Casey won't leave it, especially at night, it's hard enough in the daytime but he will _not_ set foot outside at night."

"He needs help, Kelly," Tony commented.

"I know, but I don't know what kind, he's not going to talk to anybody about this, what else can I do?"

"Just keep an eye on him, that's all you can do."

"I'm trying, he doesn't want me watching him all the time, I thought if I cleared out for a couple days it'd help, I saw him earlier...he looks like a zombie. I don't think he's slept since he got home."

"Antonio have any suggestions?"

"Not much...Casey has to know he needs help but he's not going to get it and I can't force him to," Kelly said.

Kelly hated to admit it, even to Tony and Capp who right now understood the situation better than anyone else, but right now he felt just about as helpless as Casey no doubt did, and he didn't know what to do about it.

What he hadn't told the others was over the past couple days he'd checked out every book the library had on serial killers, most written by the cops and FBI agents who worked the cases, hoping to get some insight on how to help Casey, and not only did that not give him any pointers, now _he_ couldn't sleep at night either with all those mental images racing around his head. On one hand, if he had to guess, he didn't think there was any real chance the guy would come back to try and finish what he'd started with Casey. But Casey wasn't convinced of that and Kelly wasn't sure he could make him understand it, and he was running out of ideas what he could do to help Matt get through this right now.

* * *

Casey felt his head lolling from one side to the other and felt his eyes threatening to close, he forced them open again and picked his head up. He was on the living room floor of his apartment with his knees drawn to his chest, his arms wrapped around his knees, and he had no idea what time it was. He didn't know if it was day or night, _what_ day it was, he didn't know how long he'd been there, he didn't remember anything before that, he didn't know anything. His eyes burned so much, the only thing more painful than keeping them open was closing them long enough to blink.

It had been days since he'd even tried to sleep in his bed, days since he'd tried to sleep at all. Every time he closed his eyes, he was back at the construction site, and everything came back to him. Every flash of pain running through his body, every smell from the dirt he was forced face down in, to the cologne and alcohol of his attacker, every sensation, the chill night air, his wrist popping as they were tied behind his back with his own belt, the leather digging into his flesh, the cold metal buckle pressing against his skin, the icy chills running down his spine as his clothes were removed against his will, the sheer terror at _knowing_ what was coming next, the pain that followed, the haunting sensation that it was never going to end, knowing eventually it would, and then he was going to die.

He _felt_ the man's hands grabbing him, jerking his body across the ground, he _heard_ the voice, _heard_ the man's breathing, heavy sounds in the night air, not even sounding human, almost like an animal.

Casey opened his eyes and sat up with a jerk and a yelp. He stood up and paced around the room. It didn't matter what he did, any time he fell asleep, it all came back, he was living it all over again and there was no escape.

Without Severide there, Casey gave up trying to adjust back to the apartment being dark at night, he started leaving every single light on, even that wasn't enough. Still any sound in the middle of the night, he was up, alert, searching all the rooms, looking behind every door, in every shadow. He was out there somewhere, and he was coming back, Casey knew it. The minute he let his guard down, that's when it was going to happen, and if he wasn't alert, and paying attention, he was going to be killed, and he didn't want to die.

He didn't want to. But...Casey tiredly leaned against the wall and sank back down to the floor. If he was going to, he wasn't going to let that bastard get his hands on him again. Whoever that guy was, he was never going to touch Casey again. Being killed wasn't nearly as terrifying as everything that he would do to Casey _before_ murdering him.

Casey felt his eyelids getting heavy again, and forced himself back to his feet and resumed pacing around the room. If he kept moving, he wouldn't fall asleep. If he kept moving, nobody could catch him. He was _not_ a victim, and he _wasn't_ going to be a victim again.


	6. Chapter 6

Kelly had had another restless night with very little sleep and a lot of worry. He hated to think what Casey had been going through on his own, and had been trying to think of an excuse to get back in his apartment and park himself there for a while. Over the past few days he had also suddenly found himself like his best friend, unable to stomach most of the stuff on prime time TV. Knowing the real life details behind the people some of the characters were modeled after, Kelly also found it hard to get through the current crime shows without himself flashing back to the night they found Casey at the construction site, and how he'd screamed at Kelly once the noose had been removed from his neck, not to look at him, and how he'd cried all night, first in the shower when they scrambled to wash away the evidence of what had happened, and then at his apartment when Casey was too scared to let go of him. The dramatized scenes of violence that were played so close to realistic for entertainment value turned his stomach and he found himself quickly changing the channel to something less intense.

As at Casey's apartment, he'd also quickly found out most of the sitcoms and cartoons and the older movies that he'd grown up on and that it seemed had _always_ been there in the channels somewhere, were suddenly nowhere to be found anymore, even on the networks that prided themselves on being family friendly, retro and nostalgic. Searching high and low for something that didn't hit too close to home, he quickly became a big fan of the all night blocks of 'Married with Children' and the early morning reruns of 'I Love Lucy'. Safe, mindless TV he could just tune out in front of while his mind worked in overdrive trying to come up with a plan for what to do next to try and help Casey. So far he wasn't coming up with much, and nothing outside of the protocol answer of getting professional help, seeing a therapist, joining a support group, etc., had been readily suggested to him. Casey wouldn't go for that and Kelly wasn't sure it would help anyway. How did you open up about something like this to a complete stranger who was watching and judging your every move, when you couldn't even tell your best friend about it because _he_ couldn't understand it either?

Kelly thought and thought and thought and wasn't coming up with much. The best he could do was offer Casey his non-professional help and support, and he wasn't sure it was enough. But it would be a start anyway, it had to be better than nothing. Not wanting to worsen the situation, terrified that that could actually be possible, he did some minor research on psychological therapy trying to pick up some pointers of what to avoid and what could help, but every place he checked all said something different and how could you tell which one had the right answers?

Casey did not want to talk about what happened, this was obvious. He wanted to avoid reliving the whole experience at all costs, that went without saying. But not talking about it, and not dealing with it, was _not_ stopping him from reliving it. Kelly could tell. Even not being there he could tell. There was a reason Casey wouldn't sleep at night, a reason he wouldn't set foot outside of his apartment. He needed serious help, and nobody outside of Kelly, his guys on Squad, and the people in Intelligence even knew about it. How long could he realistically hide this from Boden? And could somebody with as much mental trauma as Casey was obviously suffering even _hope_ to return to a career of firefighting if he _did_ get help? Or would this go on his record and end his career at 51? That was the problem with keeping a secret of this magnitude, there wasn't anybody to ask stuff like this to get help.

Kelly _knew_ that there wasn't anyway Casey had let _anyone_ into his apartment since he'd left. He didn't trust anyone right now. Did he trust Kelly? He remembered that first night, asking Casey that very question, and he'd shook his head. Kelly hadn't given it much thought at the time, but now he wondered, how much _did_ Matt trust him? He trusted him enough that the only time he'd really slept was holding onto him on the couch, but he didn't trust Kelly enough to talk to him. There had to be some way to fix that, but how?

A couple of ideas occurred to Kelly, one was just unorthodox and worst case scenario Casey wouldn't open up to him. The other one would risk him his whole career _and_ his freedom. If he did what he was thinking of doing, and got caught, he wouldn't just be fired, he'd be arrested. But Kelly couldn't see any other way to do it. He'd once asked his best friend Leslie Shay to run a similar risk, something he cringed when he thought about now, that's how desperate he had been at the time, he was just as desperate now but not for himself, for Matt Casey. He'd have to wait until tomorrow night at 51 when presumably everybody would be in the bunk room, and he prayed that no calls came in until he was long gone.

* * *

Kelly hadn't been willing to risk anyone else when he went to 51. But he'd gotten in, gotten what he needed and gotten back out undetected, thank God, and now, the gravity of the situation was weighing on him and he was starting to reconsider being able to do this by himself. He had two other partners in crime so to speak, and he knew that they'd do anything to help, he just hoped what he was going to ask fell under the category of 'anything'. Right now he had to trust them as much as he wished Casey would trust him, and he hoped he wasn't wrong. He called Tony and Capp and told them where to meet him so he could explain his plan.

"Kelly, have you lost your damn mind?" Tony asked.

"I hope so," was his response.

"If anybody had caught you-"

"Nobody did, nobody knows...somebody's going to take the fall for the stuff missing from Ambo, but I couldn't think of any other way to do this," Kelly explained.

"Hope it works," Capp said.

"Me too...I tried calling Casey earlier, he's not answering," Kelly told them. "I'm going over, and if he doesn't let me in I'm going to get in that apartment _some_ way, and I'm going to..."

He was going to lose any remaining trust Casey had in him, that's what he was going to do, and he knew it, but he couldn't afford to think of it right now. He had to put Casey's well being ahead of their own friendship, as much as it killed him.

"If he still hasn't slept, it's going to be almost a week, he's going to be erratic, and he could be dangerous, and if I need an extra set of hands or two...I'd rather have them _when_ I go in," Kelly said, hoping they'd understand even if Casey didn't.

Tony and Capp looked at each other, weighing their options, but they didn't need to confer for long.

"We'll do whatever you need, Kelly," Tony said.

Kelly felt like he'd just sealed all their fates, but there was no turning back now.

"Okay," he nodded grimly, "Let's go."

* * *

They pulled up to the curb outside Casey's apartment, but immediately Kelly realized something was wrong. It was night, the street was empty, most lights on the block were out, either nobody was home or nobody was awake. But in the street light there was somebody out walking around, in the yard for the apartment.

"Casey?"

"There was no mistake. The figure may have been 30 feet away in the dark, but when you were best friends with somebody for 20 years, you knew everything about them, even if you couldn't make out any physical features, there was no mistaking the way somebody walked, when they've walked the exact same way all the time you knew them. There was no doubt in his mind that it was Casey staggering around the side yard of the lot.

"Casey?" Kelly opened his door and got out, completely clueless of what had happened. What was Casey doing out here? _Why_ was he out here? What got him out of the apartment?

Tony and Capp had also gotten out of their cars and also realized something was up.

"What the hell is he doing?" Tony whispered.

Kelly shook his head, "I don't know." He raised his voice to cut across the yard. "CASEY!"

The three Squad members took off running to see what was going on, and they saw Casey looking at the west side wall of the building.

"Casey, what're you doing?" Kelly called over to him.

There was no answer. Casey took two steps back, then broke into a run and charged straight at the wall and hit his head against it.

"CASEY!"

Even that hadn't stopped or even slowed the Truck lieutenant, he moved back to get a running start and tried again.

Before Casey reached the wall, he was tackled to the ground by the three other firemen, and he started screaming and struggling and writhing around under them as he tried to get loose.

"Casey calm down!"

It occurred to Kelly that Casey wasn't just mindlessly screaming, there were words in there as well, and when he could finally make out what they were, his blood turned to ice.

"LET ME GO! LET ME DIE! I WANT TO DIE!"

It was only then that Kelly realized with great horror that he'd left his stuff in the car.

"Hold him!"

He got to his feet and ran back to his Mustang, threw the door open, grabbed his bag and was frantically searching through it for the stuff he needed.

"Kelly!"

He looked up and saw Tony running towards him. He found the contents he'd taken from the ambulance and slammed the door shut and the two of them ran back, but Kelly skidded to a stop and his eyes widened at the sight before him.

"Capp!"

Casey was more or less flat on the ground still screaming blue murder and struggling against the large bald firefighter who was half straddled over Casey's back, using his weight to keep him from escaping.

Kelly opened the vial of Haldol and prepared the syringe, he and Tony got down on either side of Casey to assist Capp in restraining him. Tony pinned Casey's wrist to the ground and jerked up his sleeve. Working under what little light there was, Kelly quickly cleaned the area with an alcohol swab, found a vein, and pushed the plunger.

Casey screamed even louder and tried to throw Capp off of him, to no avail. Very quickly the fight started to leave him and his body sagged against the ground.

Kelly had done what he thought he had to do, and he'd known it wouldn't be easy, but he still felt like he'd betrayed his best friend. Nothing to do now except press forward.

"Get off him, Capp."

"I'm not hurting him," Capp responded, wanting to make sure Casey was actually down for the count before risking it.

"Get _off_ of him," Kelly repeated.

Casey was still conscious, but barely, but Kelly felt a need to speak to him before the drug took its full effect. Very carefully he reached out and grabbed Casey's hand in his and told the blonde man, "It's going to be alright, Casey...if you ever trusted me before, I need you to trust me now."

Casey's eyes could barely focus, though they did home in on him. Weakly, Casey got out a quiet, but determined, "I hate you."

It wasn't a 'no'. That was the only thing Kelly could focus on. He looked and saw Casey's eyes suddenly filled with tears that were starting to spill over, a shaky sobbing breath made its way out of him as he lost the strength to fight.

Kelly pushed everything he was feeling back and tried to sound as nonchalant and reassuring as he could as he told Casey, "It's okay, it's okay, we're gonna get this figured out."

Casey slumped flat against the ground, unconscious. Kelly looked at the others, and all of them seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"Now what do we do?" Tony was the first one to actually voice what they were thinking.

Kelly shook his head, "I don't know." This hadn't gone at all like he'd planned. He was going to try and talk some sense into Casey, suggest giving him the Haldol to calm down, make it easier for him to fall asleep. He hadn't foreseen this, there was no way in hell he could possibly conceive Casey would try to kill himself, least of all by running head on into a wall to bash his own brains in.

"All that noise, somebody's gonna call the cops," Capp said.

The odds on that were 50/50, even in this neighborhood most people never reported anything, but Kelly did think it was a good idea to get Casey out of the open as soon as possible. But what _were_ they going to do? He racked his brain, trying to come up with something, anything.

"Okay," he finally said, "I've got an idea. Help me move him."

* * *

When the work was done, the three Squad members left Casey's bedroom one by one and Tony asked Severide, "You sure what you're doing, Kelly?"

"I don't have _any_ idea what I'm doing," Kelly confessed, "I just hope it works."

Tony looked once more inside the bedroom and said as he headed to the door, "I think you got your work cut out for you."

"I know it." The further along Kelly went, the less sure he felt about everything.

"You want us to stick around and help?" Capp offered.

Kelly shook his head. This was going to be awkward enough with just the two of them there, he didn't think Casey's psyche would survive any witnesses to what was coming.

"Thanks but I think I better do this myself. If he hates me when he wakes up, I can deal with that, no sense anybody else getting dragged into this."

"If you _do_ need help, you know where to find us," Tony said.

Kelly nodded, "Thanks, guys."

"Good luck," Capp said as they headed out the door.

Kelly locked it behind them. Yeah, good luck. He was going to need all of it he could get. He'd already messed up beyond belief so far, he hoped the next part went better. He hoped what he had in mind could actually help Casey, instead of just making everything worse.


	7. Chapter 7

Casey was aware of his breathing. Slow, steady, peaceful, it was a strange sensation to him. His head felt like it was swimming, he felt something soft under it. He opened his eyes and saw he was in his bedroom, his arms were stiff and sore. He tried to stretch them out as he yawned, but his eyes quickly widened in horror as he tilted his head back and saw that his wrists were tied to the headboard.

"What the hell?"

Panicked, Casey tried to get up but felt resistance from the other end, he looked down and saw his ankles had also been tied up, to the footboard.

And suddenly, there was Kelly standing in the doorway.

"Severide, what the hell?"

Kelly had a mischievous smirk on his face as he padded into the bedroom and commented slyly, "You know, one thing people never stop to think about when it comes to firemen, what experts we are at tying knots. We tie somebody up, they _never_ get loose."

Despite this comment, Casey started writhing around in the bed trying to break loose and he sniped at Kelly, "What the hell do you think you're doing, Severide? Let me go!"

Kelly shook his head. "Uh uh."

Casey stopped thrashing around and looked at him in shock. "_What_?"

Kelly pointed at Matt as he walked into the bedroom and made his way over to the bed. "You're going to stay right there until we get a few things straight."

"What the hell is the matter with you? What are you doing?" Casey's tone suddenly became one of panic and he thrashed around again, screaming at Kelly, "DON'T COME NEAR ME! GET OFF OF ME!"

Kelly let Casey have his outburst all the while he didn't say or do anything, then finally he calmly told Casey, "Look, Matt, _look_," he nodded downward, "you can see that I am _not_ on you."

Casey lifted his head and saw that in fact he was tied up on the right side of the bed, and Kelly was still over on the left side, closer to Casey than he was comfortable with, but no part of him made contact with Casey's body.

"Alright?" Kelly asked as Casey breathed heavily, staving off panic. "I'm not on you, I'm not touching you, I am not doing _anything_ to you."

"You tied me up! What do you call that?" Casey demanded to know.

"Protection," Kelly answered bluntly. "Yours."

"What?"

"Casey, what's the last thing that you remember?" Kelly asked as he sprawled out on his stomach beside Casey, still with a few inches of space between them.

Casey didn't know what the point of that question was, but he tried to think. He couldn't remember.

"Casey, do you know what day this is?" Severide tried again.

Matt tried to figure it out from counting back from the night of his attack. "Uhhhh..."

"It's Friday." The wide eyed look of surprise told Kelly everything he needed to know. "Do you remember the last time you slept?"

Casey turned his head to the side to look away from him and shook his head.

"Untie me," he said again.

"Not yet," Kelly told him.

"Yes! Now!" Casey turned back towards him. "Why the hell would you do this?"

"Because I didn't know what else to do," Kelly told him. "Matt, you haven't slept for a week, and I can only presume that that's why you tried to bash your head in last night."

"What?" it was obvious Casey had no recollection of that.

"I know what you've been through is horrible, Casey, there's no telling how anybody else would've turned out in your situation, but I _can't_ really believe that you really wanted to die...even though you were begging me to let you."

"_What_?" Casey's eyes glazed over with tears as Severide's words started to register in his head.

Kelly nodded grimly. "I wouldn't have done this if I wasn't terrified what you might do to yourself when you woke up. Casey, do you remember _anything_ about last night?"

If he did, it didn't show. Casey's breathing was labored as he started struggling again, "Kelly, untie me."

Kelly shook his head. "No. Not yet anyway."

"What? Why not?"

"Do you know where you are, Casey?" Severide asked.

Casey rolled his eyes and arched his head back, "Of course I know where I am."

"Then tell me."

"In my bedroom, in my apartment. Happy?"

"It's a start," Kelly told him.

Casey shook his head in disbelief, "Kelly, _why_? Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because I just watched you trying to bash your own head in last night," Severide answered, "and I'm not ready to let go of you yet. Now you've been asleep for the past 8 hours...that's a start...but you've got a long way to go before I'm satisfied you're not still a threat to yourself in your sleep deprived state."

Casey was almost laughing but he didn't find it funny, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm hoping since you actually slept last night that you can think a little more clearly now," Kelly said. "So let's try again, do you know where you are?"

"In my apartment," Casey felt stupid having to answer again.

"And you know who I am?"

"Obviously."

"Okay...and we've been friends for a long time, right?"

"Until _now_ anyway," Casey said.

Kelly ignored that. "And you know I'd never do anything to hurt you, right?"

Casey didn't like the way this conversation was going and his body subconsciously tensed up as he demanded to know, "_Why_?"

"Because I'm going to touch you, and I don't want you freaking out," Kelly answered as painlessly as he could.

Casey shook his head, "No, don't touch me, don't come near me, don't!"

"Casey, open your eyes."

He hadn't realized he'd closed them. He opened them and Kelly was on his hands and knees beside Casey, still maintaining a gap between them.

"Just keep your eyes open and watch me," Kelly said as he reached a hand over, "just remember where you are."

Casey jerked involuntarily and a small sound escaped him as Kelly put his hand on Casey's shoulder.

"It's alright, it's just me, I'm not going to hurt you," Kelly tried to reassure him. "Look at me, don't close your eyes."

Casey shook his head and turned it to the side.

"Casey, do you know where you are? Tell me where you are."

"In-my-apartment," he said unenthusiastically.

"Right," Kelly's hand moved up and stroked over the top of Casey's head, "you're in your apartment, the door's locked, nobody else is here, nobody can get in..." he forced Casey to look him in the eyes as he added, "And I am _not_ going to let anybody hurt you. You know that, don't you?"

Casey squeezed his eyes shut, trying to drown everything out.

"Look at me, Casey. You know I wouldn't let anybody hurt you, right?"

Casey sighed and reluctantly nodded.

"Okay." It was a start, Kelly hoped they could go from there. "I tied you up, _that_ wasn't to hurt you, it's so you couldn't hurt yourself." He reached up and gripped the cord he'd tied Casey's wrist with and let him feel the vibration as the taut cord moved, "Does this hurt you?"

Casey reluctantly shook his head. It was uncomfortable, his arms were sore from being in the same position for so long, but that wasn't the same thing.

"I'm going to move over closer now, don't panic."

"Kelly don't-"

"I'm not going to hurt you, you know that...nobody is going to hurt you. Nobody is here who _can_ hurt you. Trust me."

Casey's eyes were wide and he was still trying to move as Kelly laid down right beside him and their ribs touched, the gap between them fully closed.

"Keep your eyes open, keep breathing," Kelly said as Casey tried to close it out, "it's _me_, you're alright, you're safe."

Casey looked at him and asked, "Why are you doing this?"

Kelly sighed, "I've tried to figure out the right way to help you, but I think I'm just going to have to do it my own way. Now, _especially_ don't panic now."

"What do you mean? What are you-" Casey started screaming and tried to dig his whole body back against the mattress as Kelly got up and straddled his knees. Except he hadn't. Kelly hovered over Casey, his knees on either side of Casey's legs, but he wasn't pressing any weight on Casey's body, despite how uncomfortably close they were, they weren't touching whatsoever.

"Casey, calm down and _look_," Kelly firmly told him, "see for yourself, I'm not touching you."

Casey lifted his head to look, and he quieted down, but his breathing got heavier.

"I'm not hurting you, am I?" Kelly asked.

Casey made a small sound in his throat, followed by a hesitant, "No..."

"And I wouldn't, would I?"

"No," Casey repeated a little surer now.

"And you know I wouldn't, right?"

Casey merely nodded.

"Because you're my best friend, and you trust me, right?"

"I suppose," Casey responded.

Kelly chuckled, "I'll take that."

"Kelly," Casey said with as much patience as he could muster, "Untie me."

Kelly made a sound in his throat as he seemed to consider it, before shaking his head, "No."

"What?"

Kelly moved off of Casey and back over to his side of the bed and told Matt, "Since you're right where I can keep an eye on you and I don't have to worry about what you're doing, we're going to take a nap, then we're going to talk. I'm right here, you're safe, I'm not going to let anybody get to you."

"Kelly, what're you-Kelly-Kelly!" Casey protested as Kelly turned on his side with his knees tucked in, and reached his arms over like an octopus and grabbed hold of Casey, one arm snaked under his back, the other draped over his stomach, both of his hands meeting at the ribs and hugging him tight. Without a word, Kelly laid his head on Casey's chest and closed his eyes.

"Kelly, Kelly!" Casey finally realized that struggling wasn't going to get him anywhere, and he knew Kelly wasn't going to budge on this issue, though he didn't know why. He let out a disgruntled sigh as he looked at the Squad lieutenant, who already looked like he was in a dead sleep. He watched as Kelly's head rose and dropped in time with Casey's breaths, and then Matt realized what he was doing. Severide's earlier words about him trying to kill himself came back to him, and just now he started to realize how terrified Kelly must've been, and it dawned on him that Kelly was listening to his heartbeat. Right now he really wished he had his arms free, not that he wasn't tempted to shove Kelly off of him and onto the floor if he'd had the chance...but as the events of the previous night started to come back and weigh on him, and what it must've been like for Severide to witness and not have any idea what to do, Casey wished he could hug Kelly in return.

Resigning himself to the fact that neither of them were going anywhere for a while, Casey leaned back, tried to get as comfortable as possible given his current position, closed his eyes and eventually fell asleep.

* * *

When Casey woke up, he could tell from the direction of the sunlight in the room that some time had passed, though he wasn't sure how much. He was mildly surprised to find Kelly still in the exact same position he'd been when he went to sleep, still turned on his side, his arms wrapped around Casey, his ear over Matt's heart.

"Kelly...Kelly!"

"Hu? Hm?" Severide opened his eyes, let go of Casey and stretched, "what is it?"

"Untie me," Casey didn't see any way he could still refuse, he'd done everything Kelly told him to.

Kelly looked at him, still as if debating this, and asked, "You're not gonna do anything drastic, are you?"

"I _will_ if you don't let me go," Casey told him. "Untie me!"

"Okay, okay," Kelly grumbled tiredly, "hang on."

Kelly rolled off the side of the bed, stepped behind the headboard and after a minute Casey felt his arms fall flat behind his head. The circulation was gone, but he noticed his wrists didn't feel raw. He looked behind him and saw a towel with the cord Kelly had removed from the wrought iron headboard, and he started to get it. He moved his arms at the elbows to get the blood flowing again, and gradually felt pins and needles shooting up and down his arms and his hands. As Kelly moved around to the front of the bed and started to untie Casey's feet, he looked and noticed another towel wrapped around his ankles to prevent ligature marks from the cord.

"How're you feeling?" Kelly asked.

Casey used one hand with more feeling in it to shake the other until the circulation was back again. "I need to use the bathroom, and I need a shower."

"I kind of figured." Kelly had had his suspicions whether Casey had bathed at all since the first night at 51. If he wouldn't do it when Kelly was there, he sure as hell couldn't see Casey in his hyper-paranoid state of mind, doing it when he was all alone in the apartment. "I need to look at your bruises before you do."

"Why?" Casey asked.

"I need to see how everything's healing," Kelly said simply.

Casey pursed his lips together uncomfortably and looked away.

"I'm not going to look at _everything_," Kelly couldn't be sure yet they were making any progress, he didn't want to risk derailing any that might've been made by pushing Casey too far past what he was comfortable with. "Just take your shirt off."

Casey still looked like he wasn't sure, but as he stood up, he pulled his shirt up over his head and tossed it on the bed.

Kelly couldn't completely cover his surprised reaction to the cuts on Casey's back.

"They're a little infected, let the water run on them and we'll get them fixed up," he told Matt. "I know what I said, but let me look at your leg."

Casey turned around and scowled at Kelly, but he reluctantly unzipped his jeans and removed them, Kelly could tell, at the brim of all the discomfort he could stand.

Kelly bent down and looked at the bruise that ran the course of half Casey's whole leg, and was still a dark blackish purple. A pained exhale absently slipped loose.

"Gonna need to doctor that up too, buddy. Otherwise," Kelly stood up to his full height again, "everything's doing well. You go get cleaned up, I'll take care of everything out here."

Casey didn't stop to wonder what Kelly meant by that, he quickly moved to the bathroom, closed the door, Kelly heard him _lock_ the door, and a couple minutes later heard the water running.

Given Kelly had had to think quick and improvise like hell once they'd had Casey sedated, he thought things were going fairly well. In his non-professional opinion he thought they were making some progress, he was well aware of everything he was risking by tying Casey to the bed, he'd fully expected it to trigger a flashback to his attack, but he had to make sure Casey couldn't try to harm himself again. And given that Casey, despite the reaction he _had_ had to it all, never seemed to lose track of where he was or who was in the room with him, at all times was able to distinguish the past from the present, and Kelly from his attacker, Severide thought they were doing very well so far. He just hoped the next part went as smoothly. He knew how Casey was, he knew privately as well as publicly Casey thought it was his job to keep everything to himself and somehow 'fix' it through those means, and now Kelly was going to have to break through that wall he'd built up in himself and try to get at the truth. He knew it wouldn't be easy, he knew Casey would be defensive, and deflect, and do everything he could to avoid having to deal with what happened, and Kelly knew what he was going to do was very unorthodox and it would very likely push an extremely awkward wedge between them, but he was hoping at the end of it all, it would work.

Kelly figured he didn't have long to get ready, so he made a beeline for the closet, and going into plan B, started hauling out all the bedding folded up in storage. Then he headed to the living room and did the same with all the blankets and sheets piled up in the front closet. As he threw them out on the floor, he found something stuffed on a shelf in the closet in a brown paper bag, he unrolled the top and looked in, and did a double take.

* * *

After Casey finished his shower, he stopped in his room long enough to get dressed and as he did he noticed that all the covers had been stripped off the bed and the pillows were gone. He figured Kelly had some explanation for it, and went to see what it was.

"Kelly what're you-" Casey stopped as he entered the living room, did a double take, and asked his best friend, "What the hell are you doing?"

The coffee table had been moved so the floor between the TV and the couch was a large open space, which somehow for some reason was now covered by every sheet, blanket and quilt Casey seemed to own, that had all been laid out on the floor in one huge square. In the midst of all the covers were two sleeping bags from the front closet, both open, with pillows placed at the top, and Kelly Severide laid in the middle of the mess with a Cheshire cat smirk on his face.

"I told you I was going to try and help you my way," Kelly told him as he sat up, "and I decided the only way to do that was go all out bizarre."

Casey looked at the bedding spread out on the floor and not getting it whatsoever, said, "You got the bizarre part right, but what's this for?"

"I'm just guessing you haven't actually been in that bed a lot in the past week," Kelly said as he stood up, "And I know it's only gonna take a few more falls out of bed for your whole body to be one massive bruise. So I thought this might be a safer sleeping arrangement for the time being."

"Ohhhh-kay?" Casey replied in an obvious 'I don't get it' tone.

Part of Kelly's lighthearted demeanor fell away as he tried to explain, "You need help, Casey. And if you won't talk to the cops, and you won't talk to a shrink, and you won't talk to anyone else at 51, you need to talk to me. And you can, and I hope you realize that...or I must be a horrible friend."

"You can't guilt me into talking about this, Kelly."

"I'm not trying to, I mean it...we've known each other for half of our lives, you know everything about me, including all the stuff I wish nobody knew. Matt...I was there...I saw...I know part of what happened...and I know it wasn't your fault, you didn't do anything to deserve this...why can't you talk to me about it?"

"I don't want to talk to _anyone_ about it," Casey told him defensively. "I don't want anyone looking at me...like that..."

"Like what?"

"Like people do when they find out you've...been..." Casey shook his head and dismissed the rest of the sentence.

There was a brief silence before Kelly asked Casey, "Do I look at you like that?"

Casey turned and looked away from him.

"Casey...do _I_ look at you like that?"

Kelly wasn't trying to make things harder on Casey than they already were, but he genuinely wanted to know. If he had in fact in any way started acting differently towards Casey since the attack, it certainly hadn't been intentional.

Finally, Casey shook his head in answer, even that seemed a tiring feat for him.

Kelly nodded slightly, feeling a tremendous relief. "Good..." Pressing forward, he told Matt, "At first I thought if I stayed here, maybe you'd tell me what was going on. Then I thought maybe if I left you could sort it out for yourself, because I know you don't like opening up about everything...but obviously that didn't work either. So...whether you want me here or not, you're stuck with me for the next two weeks...in which time you _are_ going to talk to me about what happened and what you're going through. I know you don't want to, and I understand why, but it's not helping you, Casey, you can't block it out, you can't ignore it, all you're doing by shutting everyone out and keeping it bottled in is keeping it over your head, you're _never_ going to get better that way."

"What the hell are you saying?" Casey asked.

Kelly wasn't sure, all he knew was how all of this appeared to him, and he had to call it as he saw it, and do it before he lost his nerve. "I think you need someone to _permit_ you to feel the way you do, or you think it's wrong and you need to internalize everything."

He wasn't really sure how he'd come to that conclusion but there did seem to be some truth in it. After the first night Casey just shut down, and Kelly wouldn't push the subject, not wanting to make things worse, and now he suspected that that's actually what _had_ worsened the situation. He was the only person Matt had to talk to, and he'd said nothing, and as a result, Casey had said nothing, and that had led to him not eating, not sleeping, pacing his room all hours of the night with the lights on. Kelly had still chosen to make it Casey's decision to bring the subject up, figuring sooner or later he would, and Casey had almost died because of that decision. No matter what, Kelly couldn't convince himself he didn't shoulder a lot of the blame for what had happened last night, if only he hadn't left Casey alone, if only he'd forced him to get help, if only he'd opened his fat mouth in the first place so Casey knew he wasn't alone. All he could do was go from here and hope it was enough, hope he didn't make things even worse.

Casey looked at him like he was nuts. "Are you serious?"

Kelly held his ground and told Casey, "I know you don't like opening up about your private life...and I get that this is as private as it gets. And I know how important it is to you that nobody else find out about this...I respect that, that's why I'm doing this. You don't have to tell everyone, maybe you don't even have to tell a therapist, maybe if you just tell me, it'll help. I'm willing to try it, are you?"

The expression on Matt's face spoke volumes about how sure he _wasn't_ about this.

"I can't...I can't talk about what happened."

"I'm not expecting you to tell me everything that happened...I don't expect you to talk about it all at once...you just need to start somewhere, and don't shut down on me just because it gets hard. Right now we are cut off from the entire outside world, nobody else is here, nobody else is going to be here...the door's locked, you can check it for yourself. Nobody's getting in here, nobody else is going to see or hear anything that goes on here, and anything you tell me will _not_ leave this room, I promise you that," Kelly told him. "Anything you tell me is _not_ going to change what I think about you, I don't care how bad it is, I am _not_ going to judge you, because I know you didn't do anything to deserve what happened to you."

Casey looked past him to the makeshift bed on the floor and asked, "And this?"

"I told you you're not getting rid of me," Kelly said. "I think you'd sleep out here better than in the bedroom, and it's perfect," to demonstrate, Severide went over to the pile of bedding and sank down on one of the sleeping bags and told Casey, "This way if you need me, I'm right here, and if you don't," Kelly pushed himself over to a mess of blankets beside the sleeping bag and said, "then I'll be over here. There's plenty of room, your space won't be invaded, and there's something for all kinds of weather, if it gets chilly at night, plenty of heavy covers, if it gets hot, kick those off and just use the sheets."

"You are a strange person, Kelly Severide, you know that?" Casey asked.

"I know," he replied as he got back up, "I'm just hoping it'll help."

"How?"

"Well..." it had sounded better in his head when he first thought about it, but he told Casey, "Think of this as a safe space. Don't give me that look, think about it...we'll leave the lights on, leave the TV on, you won't be in the dark, you can adapt back to that gradually."

"The TV?" Casey repeated as that part of Kelly's comment stuck out in his head.

"I know what you're thinking," Kelly went over to the table and picked up his bag. "I called in a favor with Otis, maxed out both his and my library cards." Kelly unzipped his bag and poured the contents out on the couch.

Casey glanced over the DVD cases and saw most of it was films and TV shows before the 1970s, at first sight a few titles stuck out: 'The Lone Ranger', 'Bewitched', 'Gilligan's Island', the 3 Stooges, the Marx Brothers, 'The Flintstones', a few Looney Tunes collections, 'Dukes of Hazzard' and the entire collection of 'The Thin Man', whatever that was.

Casey turned to Kelly and suddenly thought to ask, "What do you mean two weeks?"

"Well I figured it's going to take some time to actually do this, so I lied to buy us some time. I told Boden that you and I have both come down with the measles and I'm staying with you until we're no longer contagious."

Now Casey _did_ look at Kelly like he was nuts. "What the hell are you talking about? I had the measles back when I was 8."

Kelly shrugged, "I had them when I was 12, nobody needs to know that."

"Oh."

"Besides, as panic stricken as everybody is about that right now, that's one lawsuit CFD doesn't need, and Boden was only too happy to agree," Kelly added.

"You think that's going to stop everyone from 51 from coming over here? Mouch and Herrmann probably had them 50 years ago, everybody else would've had them in grade school," Casey said.

"I already told them if they had anything to bring, to leave it on the stoop and go, we weren't up for visitors," Kelly said with a mischievous chuckle. "Hey, I needed a good excuse...with that in the news it seemed like as good of one as any."

"So I really _am_ stuck with you for two weeks?" Casey asked.

"Looks that way."

"Now I _am_ depressed," Casey said.

Kelly laughed.

"I don't know what it is you think you're going to accomplish, Kelly-"

"Well I tried to tell you earlier...I think in your mind you need somebody to _allow_ you to process what happened...and I want you to know that I'm here to do that."

"Meaning what?" Casey asked helplessly.

"Meaning whatever is going through your head, you don't have to pretend you're fine...Casey, I know..."

Kelly couldn't finish that thought. When he'd been researching serial killers, trying to get some insight to what had happened, one point that had been mentioned several times was how people like this bastard, when they tortured their victims, they fed off the fear and the pain, it was what they lived for, it's why they did what they did, and as soon as they got it, that's when they won. Their victim's screams and cries were the fuel that drove them, and as soon as that happened, then it was game over. Since that night, Kelly had gone over the events in his mind over and over and over, and one fact that stuck with him that he hadn't been sure what to do with it, was the fact when he'd found Casey's unconscious body, his face was dry. They had all heard Casey screaming on the phone, and there was no way to really know what was going on at that time, but if Kelly had to guess, he'd wager that at that time Casey had been putting up a struggle with his attacker, if he was lucky even getting a few blows in in self defense. It might've been in between bouts of torture, or it might've been before the real damage really started, he didn't know...but it was his guess that Casey fought like hell _not_ to give his assailant the satisfaction of watching Matt succumb to the pain and the terror of what was happening to him. Once it was all over and his attacker was in the wind, and they'd gotten him out of there and he'd cried all night...the more Kelly thought about it, he didn't think any of that was because Casey was mortified at how they'd found him or who was present, but simply because he knew he was finally safe to do so. But by the next day, something had happened and he had shut down again. What happened? Well everything went to hell after that, and it all built up to what Kelly had witnessed last night.

"I know what you had to do to survive," Kelly told him. "And I know that you think you still do. Casey, he's gone, he's not coming back, he's not coming here...nobody's getting in here, and I'm not going to let anyone or anything get to you. You understand?"

Casey looked at him, his eyes still tired, and now...now the tears came, Casey shut his eyes tightly, trying to block everything out, trying to stop Severide from seeing.

"This is what I was talking about," Kelly said as he put his hands on Casey's shoulders, and noticed this time the Truck lieutenant didn't try to get away from the touch. "Casey, whatever it is you have to do to get past this, you have to do it. There's nobody here except us, and nothing that happens here is going to leave this apartment, you have to get out now everything that you couldn't that night."

Casey shook his head, "I don't want-I don't want..."

"I know, you don't want to be a victim," Kelly replied, watching Casey's pained nod, "you're not. But you still need to do this, Casey. Whatever it is, you need to scream and hit stuff and break things, I won't stop you...you need to cry, nobody's going to tell you not to...if you need me to hold you while you do, or at any other time...I will, no questions asked...you need to talk, I don't care what it is, even if it doesn't seem like anything important, I don't care what time it is day or night...I'm right here, talk to me. Whatever it is you have to do...that's the only way you're going to get better, and I'm going to be right here while you do it."

Casey chanced opening his eyes a slit and looking at Kelly. This was precisely what Severide knew would be the biggest hurdle, convincing Casey that it was alright to stop pretending he was alright, give him permission to break down and do whatever it was that would come naturally to him.

"Casey, _why_ were you trying to kill yourself?" Kelly needed to know.

Casey shook his head, the desperation in his voice was clear, "I wasn't _trying_ to kill myself. I just wanted it all to stop."

"What all to stop?" Kelly asked.

An exhausted sob was the first response he got. Casey opened his eyes and looked around the room as he answered, "I couldn't sleep, every time I closed my eyes, I was right back there...if the room was dark at night...I could feel him here, watching, waiting...there would be a hundred times a day that _something_ took me back to it, a sound, a smell, sometimes nothing, I was just...staring off into space and it all came back, all the time, like deja vu...I couldn't tell you because I didn't want you to think I was crazy."

Kelly resisted the immense urge to tell Casey that he wasn't crazy, he didn't want to risk Casey shutting down and decided to just let him explain without interruption.

"It just got worse all the time...I was so _tired_...I just wanted it to all end...I wanted to stop remembering...stop hearing his voice...stop feeling his hands on me...stop flashing back all the time, just all _stop_...I just wanted it to be over."

Casey was so close to tears now that Kelly felt his own throat tightening. He reached over and carefully put his arms around Matt and held him close and told him, "That's why I'm here, Casey...I can't promise it's all going to stop, but you _know_ I wouldn't let anyone hurt you...as long as I'm here you can sleep, that's why I'm going to be right here with you."

Casey glanced down at the pile of sheets and blankets on the floor and got out a choked laugh. In a weird way he thought he was starting to understand why Severide had done what he did.

"You need to sleep," Kelly told him, "and you need more than you'd usually get...that's why I took us out of service for two weeks..." he pulled back from Casey and added, "Think of this as like a mental health retreat...kind of like vacation...normal routine, normal schedule, all out the window...you sleep as late as you want, you stay in bed as long as you want, if you _want_ to sleep all day or _can't_ sleep at night, doesn't matter, we'll figure it out, but you need to rest."

"And that's why you're here?" Casey asked tiredly, sounding almost amused, "to watch me?"

It sounded embarrassing to actually say, but Kelly explained, "I'm here so you know you're safe enough to sleep."

"Oh, like a guard dog," Casey got out an exhausted laugh.

Kelly laughed, "Something like that."

Casey looked at the floor again and shook his head in disbelief, "You actually thought of all of this?"

"I had a lot of time on my hands," Kelly answered.

Casey laughed weakly and hugged Kelly. "Thank you."

Kelly rubbed his back and told him, "We'll get this figured out. You hungry?"

Casey shook his head. "I just want to _sleep_."

Kelly gestured to the floor, "Come on."

Casey still had enough presence of mind to feel ridiculous about the whole thing but decided it was worth trying. He slowly got down on all fours and turned over on the open sleeping bag, and just as his head touched the pillow, he felt something. He lifted his head and asked Kelly, "What's that?"

"I found something in the closet," Kelly reached over, stuck his hand under the pillow and pulled out a gray teddy bear.

"Oh no!"

"Remember this?"

"Oh yeah," Casey groaned, "I gave that to Hallie on one of our first dates...the closet?"

"I guess you don't clean it out too often," Kelly said.

"Well what..." Casey looked at Kelly with a puzzled look on his face, then said in a confused tone, "You're not serious."

"Works for kids...like I said, _nothing_ that happens here leaves this apartment, if that's what you're worried about then don't be," Kelly told him.

"Kelly," Casey said in an unamused tone.

"Just keep an open mind," Kelly said as he took the stuffed toy with long gangly limbs and sat it down between their sleeping bags. "See? If you change your mind, it's right here."

Casey turned his head and shook it. "This isn't right."

"What isn't?" Kelly asked.

"This, all of this...you shouldn't be here."

"Why not?" Kelly asked before Casey was finished talking.

"I shouldn't be like this," Casey said. "I shouldn't...I shouldn't let it get to me like this."

"Says who? The old CFD protocol to just walk off anything that happens? Yeah there's a reason we got new protocol, Casey, it's because that mentality doesn't work and everybody _knows_ it doesn't."

"I don't want to be _broken_!" Casey snapped.

"Hey," Kelly was up on all fours and moved over to Casey and put his arms around the blonde man who, it appeared, was finally starting to fall apart, and told him softly, "You're not broken, Casey, what happened to you was horrible, but it doesn't mean you're broken."

"Why does everything remind me of it then?" Casey tearfully asked, "Why can't I sleep?"

"We're working on it, Casey," Kelly told him.

"See? You say 'working' on it, that means I'm broken," Matt said as he raised a hand to his face.

"That's not what it means," Severide responded.

"Yes it does," he answered with a small sob, "I can't even be alone in my own apartment in the dark...I can't even get from my bed to the bathroom without the lights on...I'll never be a firefighter again, I can't work in zero visibility like this!"

Kelly tightened his hold on Casey and gently rocked back and forth as he tried to talk some sense into his friend, "You can't think that far ahead right now, Casey, right now you need to sleep, and when you do, everything won't seem as bad."

"When I wake up I'm going to be the same way I am now," Casey protested, "I can't be fixed."

"You don't need to be fixed, Casey," Kelly quietly assured him, "you just need to rest, and to heal."

Casey leaned against Severide openly sobbing.

"It's okay, it's okay," Severide told him as he rubbed Casey's back between his shoulder blades, "this is what you need, Casey. I know it's hard to deal with, but you just need to get everything out you've tried to cover up. It's just me, buddy, you don't need to hide anything from me."

Casey dropped his head on Kelly's shoulder and was beyond forming any words. He clapped his arms around Kelly's back and clung to him as if he was holding on for his very life.

"Matt, you are too exhausted to even think straight, just close your eyes and rest."

Casey made a strangled sob of protest as he clutched even tighter to Kelly. He didn't need to talk for Kelly to catch on to what he was trying to say.

"I'm not gonna let go of you," he assured Matt, "I'm not letting go. Let's just lie down." He slowly maneuvered himself down on Casey's sleeping bag and told Matt, "Come on, put your head down here," and positioned Casey so he was laying on top of Kelly, with his head on top of Severide's chest. He nudged Casey's head to the side so his ear was right over his heart, and he asked Casey, "You hear that?"

He felt Casey's nod in response.

"That means I'm here, you're okay, I'll be right here when you wake up, I promise," Kelly told him, "now just close your eyes and try to relax. Everything's going to be okay. Nobody's going to hurt you again."


	8. Chapter 8

Casey woke up, his heart was beating fast in his chest, he was hot, he was thirsty, he opened his eyes and saw the position of the sunlight had changed again, most of the day was already gone, what time was it? He put his hand on the floor to push up, and instead felt a thigh under him, he jerked his head very quickly and saw Severide half laying half sitting under him, a tired and amused smirk on his face.

"What happened?"

"You've been asleep for the past four hours," Kelly answered, "feeling any better?"

"I'm thirsty," Casey said as he moved off of Kelly and stood up.

That wasn't what Kelly meant, but he knew Casey had to process everything in his own time. He also got up and followed Matt into the kitchen. Several grocery bags were on the table and as Casey skimmed through the contents of one he looked at Severide curiously and asked, "What's this?"

"Well since we're supposed to be quarantined for two weeks I thought I better make sure we didn't run out of food, I know you're not always great to keep the fridge stocked."

Casey looked in two other bags and dumped out the contents which were several cans of spinach, a big bottle of carrot juice, a Neapolitan assortment of six-packs of Ensure, a bag of leaf lettuce, a pack of Airborne, and a bottle of vitamins. "And what the hell is this?"

"We're supposed to be sick, I had Otis get the groceries and leave them on the porch...apparently he looked online and found out vitamin A keeps measles from becoming severe...don't ask."

"Well throw it out," Casey said.

"You could stand to improve your diet," Kelly told him.

"We're _both_ supposed to be sick, remember?" Casey returned mockingly, "I think your reputation precedes you as well."

Kelly laughed in response as Casey got a glass of water, quickly drank it down, then refilled his glass. "Anything sound good for dinner?"

Casey shook his head, "I don't feel like eating."

"Sure you do," Kelly opened the freezer and took out a half gallon container, "See? Ice cream."

Casey choked on a laugh and set his glass down, "Oh you just think of _everything_, don't you?"

"I try."

There was a small pause as Casey thought about something and he said, "Kelly, has it occurred to you that what you're doing is essentially turning this whole experience into a slumber party?"

"Well who said recovery had to be _all_ so serious?"

That drew a small laugh out of Casey.

"Seriously...I appreciate everything you're doing, Kelly...but I wish you wouldn't have gone to all the trouble."

"I'm glad to be here," Severide told him. "I told you, this isn't going to be quick, it won't be easy, but I'm hoping it'll help."

"What makes you think it will?" Casey asked.

"Because you've been carrying this all around by yourself, all that does is make everything worse. I can understand not wanting to talk to anyone else about it but I think if you at least talk to me it'll help some."

"What makes you so sure of that?" Casey wanted to know.

"Think back," Kelly told him, "Remember when Voight was gunning for you?"

"As if I could forget."

"And you know how crazy the whole thing was making you...and we all knew about it. What if you'd tried keeping _that_ to yourself? How do you think that would've gone over?"

Casey thought about it for a minute before deciding, "Eh, fair point. The irony, the cop who tried to have me killed is now trying to find the guy that tried to kill me."

"Hey, if anybody can..." Severide said.

"Yeah..._if_," Casey replied uncertainly. He looked towards the floor, and out of nowhere asked Kelly, "Capp and Tony were there, weren't they?"

Kelly's eyes widened, "There where?"

"That night, at the construction site, they were there too, weren't they?"

Kelly nodded.

Casey closed his eyes and shuddered, "They were there and they _saw_ me like that."

"No, no, no," Kelly told him, "they didn't."

"Yes they did."

"No they didn't. They chased after the guy and tried to catch him, they didn't see anything."

"And they were here last night, weren't they?" Casey asked.

Kelly reluctantly nodded again. Casey hung his head and groaned.

"And they..." Casey raised his head and looked at Kelly, "they helped you with this, didn't they?"

"They helped me get you back in here, yeah," Kelly said. He left out the part where they had helped him tie Casey to the bed, hoping to get it done incase the Haldol wore off soon or it hadn't been enough to keep him sedated. If they hadn't felt time was an issue, Kelly would've waited until he was alone and done it himself for the sake of Casey's privacy, but he couldn't take that chance with Matt already trying to kill himself once that night. He'd wanted to make sure he was restrained and couldn't hurt himself when he came to. All he'd told them at the time was that he was going to try an unorthodox way to help Casey, and he hoped it worked because he really had no idea what he was doing. Tony and Capp hadn't asked any questions about what he had planned.

"And they know what's going on?"

"They know I'm staying with you for the time being, they know this is a hard time for you. They don't know specifics, they don't know any of the details."

"This just gets worse and worse," Casey helplessly said as he turned and left the room.

"Matt," Kelly followed after him, "Matt, _stop_."

"Why did they have to be there? Why did they have to know about this?" Casey asked.

"Casey we talked about this...you don't have to tell them anything, but that's two more people you don't have to worry about them finding out what happened...they know and they are not going to tell anyone. Believe me, they want this bastard caught as much as you do."

"Oh they wouldn't say anything to my face, that's not what worries me...but they'll be talking about me behind my back," Casey said, "And if they know about it, _everybody_ at 51 will know about it, nothing spreads faster than firehouse gossip."

"Casey _stop_, they're your friends, they wouldn't do-"

"No they are not, they are your men, we work in the same house but they are _not_ my friends," Casey told Severide.

"Casey just take it easy. The only thing that they're concerned about is that you're alright."

"You call this alright?"

Kelly came so dangerously close to blurting out 'Better than it could've been', he stopped himself just in time. Instead he walked over to Casey and put his arms around him and held him tight.

"Let go of me," Casey struggled against him.

Kelly smiled to himself in spite of Casey's outburst, and replied nonchalantly, "Ohhhh, in a little while."

"What?"

"I told you you're not getting rid of me. I know you need somebody to lash out at right now, but no matter what you do, you're not going to go through this alone. Hopefully sooner or later I can get that through your skull," Kelly told him. "Look, this isn't going to be easy, but we'll get through it."

"I don't _want_ to get through it," Casey replied with a heaving sigh as he rested his head on Kelly's shoulder.

"I know, that's why you have to," Kelly said. "Casey, I know this is hard for you, but believe me, this isn't too big for all of us to help you shoulder the weight."

Casey's voice was shaking as he responded with much difficulty, "You don't know what happened, you don't really know..."

Kelly nodded in understanding. "You don't have to tell me now, but sometime you _are_ going to have to talk to someone about it...and if it's not me, I will understand...but if you don't trust anyone else, I hope you will talk to me. Just...any time...any little detail you _can_ tell me...do it...I think it'll add up and help you a lot."

Casey fell against Severide, his whole body trembling as he broke down crying again.

Kelly patted his shoulders consolingly and told him, "That's a good start, get all of that out too, because you actually can now, it's safe, _you're_ safe. It's going to be alright."

* * *

The first couple of days passed slowly, and it was a hell of a learning experience. Even with all the lights and the TV on, Casey would not go to sleep once it was night. He could get from the living room to the bathroom easily enough but he had to leave the light on in the bathroom so he could even set foot in it without tensing up. Kelly sat up with him all night watching TV, during which time Casey would not talk, about anything, would just sit on the floor hugging his knees to his chest and staring at the TV. It was only when the sun actually started to come up that he felt safe enough to lie down and close his eyes, most of the time Kelly fell asleep alongside him, other times he got up and tended to stuff around the apartment that needed doing. He called Antonio to see if there was any update on the case, Antonio pointed out officially he couldn't talk about it. Unofficially they didn't have a whole lot to work with, Casey wouldn't let Voight photograph all of his bruises, they had an incomplete M.O. to work with and there were a lot of open assaults, rapes and homicides that had similar patterns but there was nothing definite. The partial license plate had eventually been traced back to the owner of the red Mercedes, who it turned out the car had been stolen from that day, and latent found no usable prints on the car to run through the system.

"Casey's just being paranoid about this, right?" Kelly asked, keeping his voice low so he wouldn't wake up the blonde man sleeping two rooms away.

"Well take everything you see on TV about serial killers with a grain of salt, they're not all as predictable as the prime time writers make them out to be," Antonio told him. "That said, while some of them actually do target specific victims, it's usually not for personal reasons. More likely they fit either some physical type or they somehow parallel somebody in the killer's own life. It's not that often they actually stake out a specific victim and get to know every detail about their life before moving in for the kill. Even if they do target people for specific motives, if they're interrupted they don't generally come back to finish what they start. More likely they just find somebody else who fits the type to move on to and try again."

"So Casey's got nothing to worry about," Kelly said hopefully.

"I said usually...I think he's making more out of this than he needs to, but it's still best to err on the side of caution...this guy _is_ still out there somewhere, he could still be in the area, and if it would turn out that Casey was some kind of pet project for him, and he saw him again, he _could_ try again."

"Thanks a lot," Kelly grumbled.

"How's Casey doing?"

"How do I answer that?" Kelly asked. "He's scared of the dark now and he's crying all the time."

"Unfortunately, Kelly, that's pretty much on par...anybody who lives through an ordeal like this, their life changes."

"Tell me about it."

"Is he talking anymore about what happened? Any other details we can go on?"

"He's not saying anything, he just cries all day and all night," Kelly told him. "I'm hoping if I keep at it he'll start to tell me something, but it's rough getting there."

"Sounds like it. The best thing in his favor right now is he has you with him and he's not alone," Antonio responded. "I'll let you know if we have an update."

"_If_?" Kelly didn't like the sound of that.

"Like I said, there's not much to tie this to other open cases yet," Dawson told him. "As soon as we find out anything you'll be the first to know."

"Thanks, I appreciate it," Kelly nodded.

He disconnected the call, left his phone on the table and went back to the living room. Casey was curled on his side asleep, Kelly went around to his side of the bed and slipped down beside him. He reached over and ran his hand over the top of Casey's head, he shuddered slightly under the touch but otherwise didn't respond.


	9. Chapter 9

Even with his brainstorm idea of converting the whole floor into a bed, Kelly quickly found out their sleeping arrangements weren't the most comfortable to live with. A couple times he woke up and found Casey on top of him crushing his ribs, the Truck lieutenant had rolled over on Kelly in his sleep and didn't even realize it. He didn't dare wake Casey up and took some comfort in the fact that at least subconsciously Casey trusted him enough to find his way to him. Sometimes Casey cried in his sleep, some times Kelly moved over towards him and held him while he did, other times he stayed back on his own side of the bed and left Casey alone, figuring he needed his space to process things, and that if Casey _really_ needed him, he'd come over to him, a few times he did. Several times Casey woke up screaming, sometimes he remembered where he was, other times it took a minute for everything to register with him. Some incidents he insisted were merely falling dreams, and not related to his attack. Kelly had commented that at least on the floor he had far less to 'fall' in that case. Casey still would not talk about what happened, Kelly was patient, hard as hell though it was, figuring sooner or later the truth would have to come out.

On the third day Kelly woke up and saw it was 5:30 in the morning, he'd fallen asleep sometime during the night. He turned over to see what Casey was doing, and almost laughed. Casey had also fallen asleep, and had apparently found Hallie's teddy bear and was turned on his side with the bear tucked in the crook of his arm like a gorilla and her baby. Kelly brought both hands up over his mouth to keep from laughing, he didn't want to wake Matt up, but this sight was just too adorable.

An hour later Casey had tossed and turned a dozen different ways, still with the teddy bear in tow, and this time was laying flat on his side facing Kelly, with the stuffed animal tucked under his chin, and he opened his eyes and stared at Kelly.

"What's going on?"

Kelly was too amused to even answer.

Casey glanced down, and realized what Kelly was staring at, and he groaned in embarrassment. He grabbed one of the blankets nearest him and pulled it up over his head.

"Come back here," Kelly reached over and flipped the blanket down, and was beyond amused to see Casey was still clutching the bear.

"Don't say it," Casey groaned.

"You two are cute together," Kelly grinned as Casey used his free hand to shield his face, either in embarrassment, or it almost looked to Kelly, to keep from laughing.

"Don't start," Casey grumbled.

"Hey, just more of the same, nobody else will ever find out about this," Kelly told him, "but I thought you _might_ want it."

He noticed as Casey rolled over on his side, still hugging the bear against his chest, the fur pressed against his nose, and Kelly understood. It was one of the last links Casey had to Hallie, probably even had a faint trace of her scent, her perfume on it. Kelly wondered momentarily, if Hallie were still alive, if she were here right now, how differently things would be. Realistically he knew if that were the case, _everything_ would be different, but he wondered if she were there right now, how she would help Casey get through this? Being a doctor she might have some actual idea what to do, unlike Kelly who was just winging everything and hoping for the best.

"Thank you," Casey said quietly.

"Come over here," Kelly told him.

Casey looked at him skeptically, then moved over towards Kelly's side of the bed and wrapped his free arm around him.

"You feeling okay?" Kelly asked as he wrapped one arm around Casey's back and stroked the back of his head with his other hand.

He felt Casey's head nod against him, though he wasn't oblivious to the fact that Casey didn't say anything, and he thought he knew why.

"You sleep alright?"

In response, he felt a pulsing spasm running through Casey's body and pounding against his.

"Hey," Kelly cradled Matt's neck in the crook of his elbow, "it's okay, everything's going to be okay. Hey, you actually slept last night, that's a big improvement."

A particularly loud sob tore out of Casey's throat as he pressed his weight against Kelly and clung tighter to him.

"I know, I know," Kelly said softly, "it gets tired, but you're doing well." After a few minutes Casey started to quiet down, Kelly asked him, "You want to get something to eat?"

He felt Casey shake his head.

"You want to go back to sleep?"

This time he felt Casey nod again.

"Okay," Kelly reached over Casey and pulled one of the blankets up over both of them, "close your eyes and relax. You're doing great."

* * *

"I'm worried, Kelly," Casey admitted the next day.

Severide looked at him. "About what?"

"I'm not getting any better," Casey told him.

"Of course you are," Kelly replied.

"No I'm not," Casey insisted. "It was already a week when you moved in here, it's been another four days now, and I can't do anything right."

"What're you talking about?" Kelly asked.

"I can't sleep at night unless the lights and the TV are on, I can't go outside, I..." Casey sighed irritably, "I start crying all the time and then I can't stop...this is dehumanizing, Kelly, nobody should have to live like this."

"Your problem is you're too impatient," Kelly told him, "it's going to take a while."

"Oh yeah? How long?" Casey asked. "I need to know, Kelly, how much longer am I going to be like this?"

"Casey, just calm down," Kelly said. "There's something I wanted to run by you. Sit down."

Casey sighed and sat down at the kitchen table, Kelly pulled up a chair and sat beside him.

"What's the longest time you've had to wait for an injury to fully heal? Do you remember?" Kelly asked.

"You mean besides the month I spent recovering from having my skull fractured?" Casey asked.

"Yeah, smaller scale, non-lethal, what's the longest it ever took for an injury to heal?"

"I don't know," Casey said, "what's that got to do with anything?"

"You know, Shay told me once that a pulled muscle can last for up to six months," Kelly told him.

Casey looked at him uncertainly, "Are you serious?"

"Think about it, six damn months, just for a pulled muscle, we've both had major surgery and been fully recovered in less time than that," Kelly pointed out.

Casey looked at Severide like he was nuts, then pressed his forehead to the tabletop, not getting what Kelly was talking about at all.

"And then," Kelly added, "One time when I was a kid, I was running through the backyard and tripped, I heard my ankle go _crunch_, like a damn carrot. And you know what that means."

"You broke it," Casey said as he picked his face up from the table.

"That's what I thought...I hobble back to the house, Benny takes a look at it, he says 'You wrenched it, you would've been _better_ off breaking it because then they could do something, but you're stuck with it, and there's nothing you can do but wait it out'. I mean he tied it up, kept me on the couch for a couple days and kept ice on it, I could walk on it again after a week, but he was right. It was two months before all the swelling was gone and I could run on it again."

"You must've been climbing the walls," Casey noted, "but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Just been thinking...since the beginning of time it's pretty much been a given physical injuries need time to recover from, but applying the same logic to mental health is still new, hell, before people knew what PTSD was they called it shell shock and before they knew what that was they called it desertion because they thought soldiers were faking just to get out of battle. So this is still new territory, and I know, it used to be expected whatever firemen saw on the job, they just shook it off and didn't let it bother them...and we know that's bullshit, nobody could see what we've seen and not be traumatized by it."

"Still not getting what this has to do with me," Casey said as he shook his head helplessly.

"You're the same way, you're basically expecting to brush off what happened and resume life as usual. It's not going to happen that way, Casey, and you know it."

"Why not?" Casey replied, and elaborated, "This isn't the first time somebody tried to kill me, this isn't even the _worst_ way somebody's tried to kill me-"

"Maybe this time was just the final straw," Kelly remarked, "I hate to break it to you, Matt, but I don't think people were meant to be _nearly_ killed on a regular basis, our job notwithstanding."

"So it's like I said before, I _am_ broken," Casey said hopelessly.

"No, you're not," Kelly said, "but you're not going to be better in a week either. Maybe...maybe mental injuries take just as long to heal as physical ones do."

Casey looked at him somberly and told him, "I can't be like this for six months."

"I'm not saying you will be, but I think it's a lot of the same thing, some days are better, some days are a step back, but you keep getting better a little at a time...and one day you won't even think about it."

"I wish that were true," Casey grumbled. "I can't go a few hours without thinking about it."

"It's still a process," Kelly told him. "Think about it, if what was going on inside your head was as visible as your bruises, people wouldn't expect you to just walk that off."

"I do," Casey told him, "I expect to be able to."

"I know, that's one of your worse qualities," Kelly said teasingly.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," Casey said in a frustrated tone, "I shouldn't be like this."

"Casey, you were almost killed, you were..." Kelly couldn't bring himself to say the rest.

Casey shook his head, "You don't have any idea what happened."

Kelly wasn't going to argue, he'd only come onto the scene in the middle of the attack. "I know, and I know you don't want to talk about it, but you have to. It's the only way you're going to get better."

Casey groaned and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Think of it like this," Kelly told him, "everything you don't want anybody finding out about, the more you keep it bottled in, the worse it gets, it's like a poison, Matt, the only way you're going to get better is to get it out of you, get rid of the hold it has on you."

"I don't want to," Casey said with a moan, "I just want to be normal again. This feels like it's never going to go away."

Kelly nodded sympathetically. "I know, but it makes sense if you think about it. It's like being sick, nobody _wants_ to throw up, they do everything they can to avoid it, because it's a very _miserable_ experience...but once it's over, you feel better. It's easier in the long run just to get it out of your system."

Casey shook his head miserably, "It doesn't feel like _anything_'s going to make it stop."

"Hey believe me, I've had a few hangovers where I said the exact same thing," Kelly replied.

Casey got out a weak laugh and dropped his head on the tabletop again.

* * *

"It _was_ the man who called."

Kelly turned and looked at Casey. It was the first thing he'd said all night. The two of them were sitting on the floor leaned against the couch watching a box set of 'The Real Ghostbusters' cartoons when that revelation suddenly came out.

Casey stared ahead at the TV but wasn't watching it, and he slowly continued, "I got there, and I thought there had to be a mistake. He was waiting for me, said his house was across the street from the construction site, and that _I_ must've just gotten the address written down wrong. I follow him, and I'm looking at the house across the street...took my eyes off him for a second...next thing I knew, something hit me in the back of the head."

Kelly grimaced at Matt's confession, but didn't say anything, he hoped by staying silent it would allow Casey to get out everything that was weighing on him.

"When I came to, it was getting dark, I don't know how long I was unconscious...I wasn't tied up yet...he was standing over me. He...was tall...even when I first saw him, I noticed that, he was taller than me...6'4, 6'5 maybe, looks a lot taller when you're flat on the ground."

Casey paused, and his eyes moved from one side to the other, and he nervously licked the corner of his lip as he recalled, "I thought he was just going to rob me...he said to give him my wallet...and everybody always says just give them what they want, don't fight because it's not worth your life...so I did...I thought he'd leave...he kicked me, he stomped me...then he...he uh..." Casey's gaze traveled down to his feet, and Kelly knew he wasn't going to hear what happened next, and he was secretly relieved.

"I couldn't figure out...if I gave him what he wanted...why didn't he just go? Why was he doing this? I didn't think...it never occurred to me that..."

Kelly bit his teeth over his bottom lip and reached over and put a comforting hand on Casey's shoulder. Casey hadn't thought of it, but Kelly had, get Matt's wallet to find out his address from his driver's license.

"You ever see that movie 'Duel'?" Casey suddenly asked.

"Huh?" Kelly asked.

"'Duel', you know, guy driving cross country chased the whole way by some guy in a semi trying to run him off the road...never find out who the driver is...never know _why_ he's trying to kill this guy."

Kelly slowly nodded, "Yeah, I used to watch it with Benny."

"Remember all the license plates on the front of the truck? I mean when I grew up I knew that means truckers are licensed to work in several states...but the first time I saw the movie...I thought...he killed all these people and took their license plates as trophies..."

"Interesting theory," Kelly responded, not sure what else to say.

"You think wherever this guy is...my wallet's in a pile of them he took off other people?" Casey asked, swallowing hard at that thought.

Kelly had no idea how to even respond to that.

"I don't know," he said finally, shaking his head, "I, I don't know how that works."

Casey absentmindedly hugged his knees to his chest and started nervously rocking as he continued, "I got up and I ran...thought if I could just make it to my truck...but he caught me...the only thing I could think was to grab hold of him and take him down with me. I thought it'd at least give me a fighting chance...he rammed me into a pile of boards, that must've been when you got the call, I remember screaming then, it felt like half the bones in my back had been broken."

Casey paused, and breathed heavily, and when he spoke again, his voice was starting to break. "You don't know what all happened...and I can't...I just can't..."

Kelly slung an arm over Casey's shoulders and pulled the blonde lieutenant against him, "It's okay, anything you _can_ tell me is a huge step forward..."

"You don't understand," Casey told him, his voice thick with tears, "you don't understand...nobody would, and I can't make anyone understand..."

Kelly rubbed Casey's shoulder and assured him, "It's alright, it's alright, just take it easy."

"I...I just..." Casey dropped his head on Kelly's shoulder, struggling to speak over the sobs that came out with every breath, "I almost wish I were dead...think it'd make everything easier."

"Don't say that," Kelly quietly said into Casey's ear as he held his best friend.

"I hate this," Casey's voice was slightly stronger as he forced out the words, "I hate everything about this."

"I know, so do I," Kelly told him.

Casey shook his head and weakly insisted as he cried, "You don't understand...you don't understand..."

* * *

Kelly entered the brightly lit bathroom and found Casey perched on the edge of the bathtub, his head to his chest, his hands pressed to the sides of his head, his eyes bloodshot, his face was flushed. He'd cried until he'd thrown up, and he hadn't returned to the living room since. Kelly got a washcloth out of the cupboard and ran it under the cold tap.

"I don't _feel_ any better," Casey said miserably, remembering their conversation from the other day.

"I know," Kelly wrung out the washcloth and sat beside Casey on the edge of the tub and lightly brushed the cloth over Casey's forehead, then smoothed it over his eyes and cheeks, "but you will tomorrow."

"Tomorrow has to get here first," Casey replied.

"Come on, you can't stay in here all night," Kelly told him as he dabbed the cloth across Casey's mouth, then tossed it on the counter.

"I don't want to go back out there," Casey said with an exhausted whine. "If that happens again I want to be closer to the toilet."

"You're not sleeping in here," Kelly said.

Casey moaned and weakly responded, "I want to sleep in my own bed."

Kelly felt his eyebrows jump at Casey's comment. This sounded like a very large step in the right direction, though Casey seemed completely oblivious to it.

"Okay then, come on," Kelly took Casey's hand and pulled him to his feet.

They crossed from the bathroom to the bedroom where Casey promptly collapsed on the bed, paying no apparent mind to the fact the pillows were missing.

"I'll be right back," Kelly said as he headed back to the living room.

Casey lay there moaning softly for a minute. When he heard Kelly reenter the room he opened his eyes, did a double take, then sank back against the mattress with his eyes half closed and an unamused expression on his face. "Not funny."

Kelly had the pillows stuffed under one arm and in the other hand he was holding out Hallie's teddy bear, a very amused smirk on his face.

"Come on, Casey, pick your head up."

Casey grumbled as he half sat up long enough for Kelly to stuff two pillows under his head. As he laid back down he took the teddy bear from Kelly and automatically curled into a ball on his side.

"Stay on your back so you don't throw up again," Kelly told him.

"Ohhh shut up," Casey grumbled tiredly.

"Hey," Kelly patted his thigh to get his attention, "you want me to stay in here with you?"

Casey forced his eyes open and looked at Kelly, wanting nothing more than to go to sleep. "You don't have to do that, Kelly."

"What if I want to?" Severide responded. "Is that okay?"

Casey forced his eyelids up again and looked at Kelly, and managing a small unreadable smile, nodded, "Sure...thanks."

"Kelly," Casey had his eyes closed now, even then it appeared that they were sore from the way they moved under the eyelids.

"Yeah?"

"Could you get the light please?"

Kelly felt his own eyes double in size. "Uh yeah...sure...hang on."

Severide had no idea if Casey would make it through the night without his previously newfound fears resurfacing, but right now Casey didn't seem to even remember that, so he took that in itself as a small miracle.

"Better?" Kelly asked as the room was pitch dark.

There was just enough light coming in the window to see the movement of Casey nodding his head as he answered, "Much better, thanks."

* * *

Kelly felt a bright light against his eyelids, he opened his eyes and turned towards the window and looked out. Just that one lamp up the street on the corner, that wasn't it. Kelly sat up and looked out the window and waited to see if there was anything. He watched the street, then looked up towards the sky. There was a faint flash of lightning from one of the clouds above. A storm somewhere, but too far away to come here. He laid back down and turned over and looked at Casey, who was still asleep and lay flat on his back, the teddy bear hugged tight to his chest, his chest rising and falling at a slow, steady pace.

"Kelly!" Casey suddenly shot up in bed as he woke up.

Severide reached over and gripped his shoulder, "I'm right here, Casey, I'm right here, it's alright."

Casey heaved in a ragged breath and fell back against the pillows, his heavy breaths quickly turning into a frustrated sigh.

"You okay?" Kelly asked.

Casey nodded his head quickly and replied unconvincingly, "Yeah, sure, fine."

Kelly raised his head to look at the clock.

"Casey."

"Huh?"

"You want to go back out in the living room?"

Casey laid perfectly still for a few seconds as he thought it over, then slowly nodded his head.

Kelly decided it was better not to mention it, but he felt himself beaming with hope since Casey had slept in his own bed, in the dark, for almost four hours, seemingly with no trouble.

Kelly got up and grabbed the pillows off the bed and told him, "Let's go."


	10. Chapter 10

Casey slept off and on the next day, the stress and strain of trying to help him was wearing on Kelly and he spent most of the day parked on the floor as well. He dozed off for a while, waking up constantly, looking over at Casey, making sure nothing was wrong. He woke up once and Casey was curled on his side with the teddy bear in the crook of his arm, like a lifeline. He woke up again, Casey was rolled on his other side and the bear was between them on the floor, collapsed on all fours and looking like it was in a permanent yoga position. The next time Kelly woke up it was because Casey had rolled over onto him in his sleep again and had his face pressed in the crook of Kelly's neck. It seemed to him that whatever Casey was dreaming about, it was _not_ his attack. Instead, sleep seemed to have become a source of escape for Matt, and Kelly was thankful for that.

That night, Casey sat against the couch and looked around the room. Kelly noticed this but wasn't sure whether he should broach the subject or not.

Finally, Casey turned to him and said, "I want to try having the lights out tonight."

Kelly nodded, "Okay, sure, whatever you want." He hoped that it didn't backfire on them, he turned off the lights and they sat on the floor watching TV for the next few hours before they finally fell asleep. The night seemed to pass without incident, and Kelly took that has a huge improvement.

The next night however, they took a step back when out of nowhere, there was a loud noise and all the power went out in the apartment.

"Kelly!"

Severide was two rooms away from Casey and his first instinct was to get to the breaker box.

"Hang on!" he said as he made his way through the apartment in the dark. Working by pure instinct, he found the box and flipped it open, not having a light to see the switches by, he felt them all to see if any were in the wrong place. He found one that didn't align with the rest and threw the switch. The lights came back on.

"Casey?"

Kelly found him on the kitchen floor beside the table, his arms up covering his head, his eyes were closed and he moaned incoherently. Kelly fell on his knees beside Casey and nudged him to get his attention.

"It's alright, Casey, the lights are back on, it's alright."

"It's not that," Casey moaned as he lowered his arms and opened his eyes and reluctantly looked at him. "I hate this, I hate everything about this...I hate myself. I hate what I've become. He...he...he," Casey's chest started heaving as a dry hiccuping sob tore through him, "He's in my head, and I can't get rid of him. I'm never going to get rid of him...it's like he...possessed me...he owns me...I'm never going to get away from him."

Kelly was at a loss for words and his only response was to put his arms around Casey and hold him as tightly against him as possible, wanting nothing more than to be able to promise Matt that that wasn't the case, but he couldn't.

"Why..." the word came out of nowhere and surprised Severide, as Casey struggled to keep speaking, "Why did he do it? Why...why did he target _me_?"

"I don't know, buddy, I don't know," Kelly said, "I'm sorry."

A particularly heartbreaking sob made its way out of Casey as he sucked in a desperate breath and told Kelly, "I'm never going to be normal again...I'll always be broken."

Kelly shook his head, furious that he didn't know how to help Casey get past this mental block the attack had left on him.

"You are _not_ broken, you are recovering, and you _are_ going to get past this, you just need to be patient with yourself. I know it's hard, I know it feels impossible, but I know you can do it. That's the kind of person you are."

Casey held onto him and tearfully replied, feeling far less sure of himself than Kelly did, "The kind I _used_ to be."

Kelly shook his head again. "You still are, Matt. Nothing's changed that."

Casey collapsed against Severide, out and out sobbing, any words far beyond his ability to form now. It took some coaxing but Kelly finally managed to get Casey up off the floor and led him out to the living room and got him settled on the blankets and got him tucked in for the night as Matt started to wear out, a while later he was actually asleep, and Kelly hoped he'd stay that way. It went without saying, the lights would be on all night.

* * *

The next morning Casey sat at the kitchen table with his hands on the sides of his face and his eyes cast down towards the table, he'd been this way practically since he woke up, and so far he wouldn't tell Kelly what it was about, though Severide suspected it had to do with what had happened last night.

Finally, Casey looked over at Kelly and told him, "I'm ashamed of what my life has become. I shouldn't be this way."

"It's not your fault," Kelly said. "Your mind is just responding to the attack the only way it knows how."

"By crippling me," Casey replied as he leaned back in his chair, "I can't do anything. I'll _never_ be able to go back to 51 at this rate...how the hell am I going to operate in zero visibility when I freak out if the lights go out here?"

"It's just going to take time, Casey."

"I don't _have_ time," Casey pointed out. "It's only one more week until we're supposed to go back on shift."

"A lot can happen in a week, look, obviously you won't be back at 100% in 2 weeks, but you'll be a lot better than you were immediately after it happened," Kelly told him. "I'm sure you'd at least be well enough to go back to work, and you'd still be recovering while you did it."

"I can't have anyone else find out about this," Casey shook his head, "what will I do back at work?"

"Well, maybe by then you'd be up to speaking to a therapist about this," Kelly suggested.

"_No_!" Casey shot that idea to hell.

"Okay then," Kelly thought again, "maybe you could talk to Orlovsky."

Casey's face took on an expression of pure horror. "I _can't_ talk to a chaplain about something like this."

"You wouldn't have to tell him the whole story, just fine tune the details...fact, you were attacked, fact, you were nearly killed, fact, you are having a hard time processing this, it's still the truth, just not the whole truth, and he'd understand that."

"I'm pretty sure it's a huge sin to lie to a chaplain, Kelly," Casey remarked, "even if it is only by omission."

"You could always tell him you don't want to go into all the details, he counsels people through all kinds of stuff, he wouldn't think that's unreasonable."

"But he'd _know_ what that meant," Casey said. "You tell somebody you were attacked and you don't want to go into all the details, that only leaves _one_ possibility as to why. And that's not even..."

Kelly's eyebrows knitted together, "That's not what?"

Casey looked down again and shook his head, "I can't tell you. You don't understand."

"I'm trying."

Casey moaned in defeat, "No, you don't understand, you don't know what happened, what...really happened...I don't want to talk about it."

"Then you don't have to."

"I wish I _could_, Kelly...I think if I could that it _would_ make some difference, that it _would_ help...but I just can't."

"If you ever change your mind-"

"I don't think it's possible," Casey shook his head miserably.

Kelly reached across the table and patted Casey's hand with his own. "If you ever decide you do...it doesn't matter what it is, Casey, it's not going to change what I think of you."

Casey lifted his head up and nodded, "Yes it will...it will change a lot of what you think. I never meant...I didn't want...I can't tell you about it, I'm sorry."

"Matt, you haven't done anything to be sorry _for_," Kelly told him. "This wasn't your fault."

* * *

That night Casey opted to try having the lights out again, the TV was kept on but as the night got later and both men got tired, Kelly turned the volume down to practically mute, hoping they'd both be able to get some sleep. The light from the screen was still enough to wake him up repeatedly. One time he woke up, and turned over and saw the second sleeping bag was laying open and empty. Confused, Kelly got up on his hands and knees and moved over to the other side of the makeshift bed and quietly called out, "Casey? Casey?"

It wasn't that he heard something that made him turn his head and look, but somehow a feeling just came over him to look behind him. And from the light of the TV he was able to make out Casey sitting on his knees beside the couch, his arms wrapped around himself and his head hung low. Kelly moved over towards him and up close he saw Casey had Hallie's teddy bear hugged against his chest with his chin pressed against the top of its head, and though he didn't move, and his breathing wasn't erratic, and in fact he wasn't making any sound whatsoever, it was impossible not to notice the two trails of tears running down his face, that spoke volumes about everything he was trying to hold in and gradually failing to.

Kelly didn't say anything, he didn't know what to say, he wasn't sure there was anything to say. He just sat beside his friend and pulled Casey into his arms, and pressed his chin against the top of Casey's head, and let him cry until he fell asleep.

The next thing Kelly knew, he opened his eyes and saw the two of them were still sitting up against the couch, Casey laid against him, still sound asleep, the teddy bear still tucked firmly in one arm. Kelly's back was sore but he didn't want to wake Casey up, slowly he pushed himself down to lay flat on the floor with Casey on top of him, through it all the Truck lieutenant never stirred. Kelly reached over and grabbed a sheet from the pile of linens and draped it over both of them, and closed his eyes and waited for sleep to take him again.

* * *

"I didn't want to tell you what happened, but I don't think I have any choice," Casey said to him when he woke up the next morning. It was early, it was still dark outside, the only light in the living room was from the TV which had been playing a marathon of 'Bewitched' for most of the night and the disc had restarted itself. Casey's eyes stayed focused on the TV and not the man sitting beside him, as he tried to explained, "I told you that you didn't really know what happened..."

Kelly tried to prepare himself for what was coming, tried to imagine what the worst news could be. Tried to brace himself not to react to what it was that Casey said.

That however seemed to be all the further Casey could go without any noticeable trouble. He cast his gaze towards the floor and anxiously rubbed the side of his head with one hand as he tried to get up the nerve to talk.

"Can I ask you something?" Kelly wanted to know. He was sure this went against everything of how to get a victim to open up, but something had been eating at him that he just had to know. "Did we get there during the worst of it?"

"Um..." Casey hesitated as he continued to compulsively touch his face, "that's just it...I don't think the worst had started yet...I told you about what he did to me the first time..."

He remembered the boot grinding into his back, the kicks he'd taken to the ribs, to his face, that had been easy to deal with compared to what came next.

"He uh...he...he _grabbed_ me," Casey forced the words out. "That was the first time I realized that he was...was going to..." he gagged before the next word came out. But he pressed on.

"After I tried to get away, after he body slammed me into the boards...I was on the ground and I was in so much pain I couldn't move, I couldn't fight. I felt his hands...I felt him taking off my belt...I still couldn't get up...he..." Casey squeezed his eyes shut as he recollected, "He took off my clothes...then he jerked my arms behind my back and tied my wrists together with the belt..."

With every word it was physically obvious how much harder it was getting for Casey to continue, finally Kelly decided he had to intervene.

"You don't have to tell me anymore, Matt...whatever happened it wasn't your fault."

"But that's just it," Casey turned to him, a shamed look on his face, "nothing _did_ happen...I wasn't...he didn't...I-I-I...wasn't...raped...not really...not _yet_."

Kelly looked at him confusedly, "What do you mean? I saw-"

What had he seen? More than he ever cared to, that was for sure, but what had he actually seen?

Casey lowered his head and burst into tears as the memories came flooding back, he latched onto Kelly and clung to him, unable to continue with his confession, for the moment at least. Later, gradually, with much difficulty, he finally confided in Severide what had actually happened before he and the others arrived.

* * *

Kelly waited until Casey was taking a shower, the only time he could be sure Matt wouldn't overhear what he was doing, and he called Antonio.

"Casey gave me a few more details about what happened, that maybe it'll help you catch the guy," he said reluctantly. "The problem is...I'm not sure I can tell you."

"What the hell does that even mean, Kelly?" Antonio asked.

"He didn't want to tell me...it's taken him this long to even do it...and...I understand now why he didn't want to...I think I understand now why he wanted to kill himself."

"Why _what_?" Antonio asked.

Kelly shook his head dismissively, "Nothing...just forget I said anything."

"What happened, Kelly?"

"Uh..." Kelly reached up with his free hand and grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked it nervously. "I...I don't think I can say it."

He heard Antonio sigh in frustration. "Kelly, you know we're not allowed to ask people leading questions about stuff like this."

Severide nodded. "I know."

"But I'm gonna do it anyway so we can narrow this down," Antonio told him. "Did Casey say he was raped?"

"No...not exactly."

"Alright," that didn't seem to slow Antonio down, "was he assaulted?"

"Yes."

"Sexually?"

There was a pause.

"Yes," Kelly admitted.

"I know this is hard, Kelly, but bear with me. Was Casey penetrated?"

Oh God, Kelly ran his hand over his forehead, to say he knew why Casey didn't want to tell anyone this was an understatement, _he_ didn't want to tell anyone either and he knew he had to if the cops were ever going to catch the bastard responsible.

"Yes," he finally answered.

"Was he sodomized?"

Kelly groaned and just about dropped the phone. No wonder Casey struggled to tell him any of this.

"Kelly?"

"I don't...I don't think so..."

"If he'd had any symptoms of internal bleeding, you would've noticed long before now," Antonio pointed out.

"I know."

"But he was penetrated."

"Yes," Kelly hissed, wishing all of this was over and done with.

"Did he specify?"

Kelly looked at his phone then put it back towards his ear as if he'd heard wrong, "_What_?"

"Look Kelly, I don't get kicks out of asking this, but we gotta know. Was it anal, oral, or digital?"

Kelly hit his phone against the table and was just about to start hitting his head against the linoleum too.

"Kelly?"

"_What_?" he asked helplessly as he picked up the phone again.

"Did Casey specify?"

Kelly sighed in aggravation, "Go with number three."

"I know this is hard, Kelly, but this could help us find the bastard," Antonio told him.

"He's embarrassed about the whole thing," Kelly said. "He can't figure out why it's traumatized him so much since...since he wasn't...actually, raped."

"Violation is violation, Kelly, of course it's going to affect him, when somebody does something like this, it takes away their sense of security, they feel powerless, and we know Matt doesn't do well when he can't be in control of a situation, let alone his own life."

"Believe me, I've noticed," Kelly murmured.

"Did Casey put up a struggle, do you know?"

Kelly shook his head. "He couldn't, I think...I think he was too scared to try."

"That might not be the worst thing possible, Kelly. These guys aren't one size fits all, sometimes it pays to fight back, sometimes it just makes things worse. Given that he didn't do anything to Casey while he was unconscious the first time, it's possible he's one of these bastards that lives for the fight, it drives them on to watch their victims struggle...it's possible Casey delayed the worst of it simply because he didn't try to fight, the sooner this guy got what he wanted from Casey, the quicker he'd lose interest and probably kill him."

Kelly had had his suspicions about that but actually hearing somebody confirm it was far worse.

"Doesn't do much for his peace of mind though."

"Even though we advocate people fighting back, we still teach people _not_ to fight, as long as they _survive_ what happens they can probably learn to deal with that."

Kelly wondered something for a minute and asked, "What if you can't?"


	11. Chapter 11

"I had a thought I wanted to run by you," Kelly told Casey that night, "try and keep an open mind."

"Okay?" Casey answered cluelessly.

"Remember when we were in the academy, and we had to learn to take our SCBAs apart and put them back together blindfolded?" Kelly asked.

Casey looked at him. "You're _not_ blindfolding me."

"I'll just turn the lights off. This is your home, Casey, you've been here for years, you know where everything is, I know you can make your way through here in the dark."

Casey's eyes were looking around the room, his chest notably rising and falling deeper now than a minute ago.

"We've been over this before," Kelly told him. "The door's locked, it's just the two of us here, you _know_ that...you'll be alright."

"Kelly-"

"We'll just start with one room, I know you can do it."

Casey turned his head and looked to the next room, then back at Kelly and asked, "What if I can't?"

"I'll be right here, you'll be fine."

"What if I'm not?" Casey asked. He opened his mouth to say something else but then quickly decided against that.

"I told you to talk to me, what is it?" Kelly asked.

"What if I can't do it? Is that going to change...what you think of me?" Casey shifted his eyes to the floor for the last part of his sentence, not able to face what the answer might be.

"Can I hug you? Is that alright?" Severide asked him.

Not really waiting for an answer, he closed the gap between them and put his arms around Casey supportively.

"If you can't...and I don't think that's likely, but if you really can't, then we'll try again, that's all there is to it," Kelly told him. "Just like everything we had to learn at the academy, anything you can't do, just keep at it until you can."

Casey slowly raised his head and looked at Kelly, and nodded hesitantly. "Okay...okay..."

* * *

Casey heard the switch thrown and the apartment was plunged into darkness. He was standing in the middle of the living room, and his eyes automatically started looking every which way, but everywhere there was only blackness. Cautiously glancing around, he took a step forward, then another, slowly, quietly creeping along one space at a time, after a few feet he raised his arms and held them out at his sides, as if testing to make sure there was nothing around him. He was practically holding his breath as he listened for any sounds in the apartment. He couldn't hear Severide, he couldn't even hear him breathing.

"Kelly?"

"I'm here," a voice called out in the darkness, not moving. "Keep going, you're doing fine."

Casey flexed his fingers, feeling the air, making sure there wasn't anything or anyone close by he was going to bump into. Acting on instincts he made his way from the living room to the kitchen. He felt the wall and kept one hand pressed against the surface as he moved step by step, he felt the light switch, and the wallpaper, then he felt the microwave, and two feet from that the stove. He felt the cold metal top, the four burner knobs, and moving alongside that, he soon felt the countertop, then the sink.

"Kelly?"

"Still here," a voice called from the other room. "You're doing great."

Casey wasn't so sure. He felt like his heart was climbing in his chest as he felt his way past the table, and over to the refrigerator, then turned around and made his way back. He moved slowly, only a step or two at a time, and he'd pause, and listen, then move again, and listen for any sounds.

"Kelly..."

"You're almost there, just keep going," Severide told him.

Casey moved through the doorway, then suddenly something inside of his head felt like it had been stabbed with pins and needles. That feeling of being watched, that sensation of _knowing_ somebody was there who shouldn't be.

"He's here...he's here!" Casey just knew it, somewhere in the dark his attacker was lurking, just waiting to move in for the kill, he could feel the icy breath on the back of his neck.

There was a click and the lights came on again. Kelly crossed over to Casey who stood in the entryway to the living room, his legs were stiff as boards but his upper body was shaking like a leaf. Kelly pulled Casey into a tight embrace and tried to comfort his friend.

"It's okay, it's okay, it's over, you did great, Casey you did it."

Casey looked around the room, "He was here...I know it..."

Kelly rubbed Casey's shoulder. "He's not here, Casey, there's nobody here...you want to check the locks on the door to see for yourself?"

Casey started to calm down and shook his head as he pulled away, "No...no...I'm-I'm sorry, I'm...so embarrassed."

"You don't have anything to be embarrassed about, you're working through your fears, it's going to take some time but I know you can do it," Kelly said.

"Yeah, but not quick enough to go back on shift...what am I going to do, Kelly?" Casey asked hopelessly.

"Have you considered telling Boden the truth?"

"NO!"

"Doesn't have to be the whole truth," Kelly said. "Hey, remember a few years back when that guy was trying to kill Brett? He banned her from going out on any other calls until the guy was caught...we could tell him you got mugged and the guy's got your ID, he'd understand."

"No, I don't want anybody else to know, I don't want anyone feeling sorry...or being disgusted with me."

"Casey, that's not going to happen."

"No, I'm not telling Boden, end of discussion," Casey insisted.

Kelly just nodded and replied, "Okay, okay, we'll figure it out. Hey, you did great."

Casey shook his head, "I don't want to talk about it...can we...can we just forget about it for now and watch TV?"

"Sure, buddy," Kelly patted him on the back, "come on."

* * *

"I know why he did it," Casey said suddenly and quietly.

They'd been watching TV for three hours and it was the first thing Casey had said since they'd started. Kelly turned to him and asked, "What?"

"I know why he did it," Casey repeated, sounding like he was miles away, his eyes not even focusing on anything as he talked. "The things that he did to me...they weren't about sex...it was so no matter what happened, I'd never be able to get away from it. Like he was embedding himself in my memory...every little thing reminds me of what happened, I remember him...I remember what he did to me...and I'm never going to be able to put any of it out of my mind. It's like...he's making himself immortal...I'll never be able to get away from him...he wants me to be haunted by it for the rest of my life."

Kelly looked at Casey and had no idea what to say. He just stared at Casey for a minute, who was oblivious to it, and finally he reached over and pulled Casey against him and held onto him.

* * *

The next night the lights and the TV were off, which should've been a tremendous improvement, but the room wasn't dark. Outside there was a thunderstorm, and every so often the lightning would flash in the windows and light up the whole room. It had started earlier in the evening as little more than rain, but as time passed, the rain got heavier and the wind started blowing, then the thunder and lightning. Once in a while there was a particularly loud rumble but for the most part it was a low continuous rolling thunder.

Kelly turned over and looked at Casey. With the illumination from the lightning he was able to make out a somewhat amusing sight, Casey was in his sleeping bag with an extra sheet drawn up to his chest, and once again he had the teddy bear in the crook of his arm, and the bear was half concealed by the sheet, only its face from the nose up was sticking out beside Casey. As a brighter flash of lightning lit up the whole room, Kelly saw Casey's eyes were wide open and staring towards the ceiling.

"You awake?" he quietly called over.

Casey made a small sound in answer.

"You okay?" Kelly asked.

Casey just grunted again.

Kelly listened to the weather outside, and thought to ask, "You scared of thunderstorms?"

After 20 years on the job and countless shifts spent in storms that had all the smart people barricading themselves in their homes, he figured he knew the answer, but Kelly figured right now it wouldn't hurt to ask.

"No," Casey quietly responded, he turned his head and asked, "you?"

Kelly almost laughed. "No, definitely not."

A particularly loud crash of thunder coinciding with a blinding flash of light immediately following his answer definitely left him feeling slightly rattled though, and he was sure Casey had to feel the same way.

"All the same, why don't you come on over here?"

Casey didn't need to be told twice, somehow in one fluid movement he got out of his sleeping bag and moved across the floor until he bumped right into Kelly. As he moved so Casey could get straightened out, he felt something furry sticking in his side and realized Casey still had the teddy bear in his grip. He said nothing and let Casey get comfortable beside him, now he noticed Casey clutching the bear in both arms tightly against his chest as he curled on his side, only a couple inches between he and Severide.

"Okay now?" Kelly asked.

"Yeah, I think so," Casey answered.

A deafening **_BOOM_** exploded somewhere overhead, shook the whole room, actually sounded like a bomb going off, had both firemen yelping in shock and pulling the covers up over their heads. A couple seconds later after the noise and the vibrations died down they both resurfaced, and looked at each other, and started laughing.

* * *

An hour later Kelly was still awake, still listening to the storm rage outside. There had been nothing like that one explosive crack of thunder since, but still he hadn't been able to fall asleep. And he suspected the same was true for the man laying next to him, despite Casey not having moved or made a sound.

"Casey, you asleep?" he asked.

He was mildly surprised by how coherent Casey was as he responded, "Uh uh."

"What's the matter?" Kelly asked.

Casey scooted on his hip to adjust his position, still, Kelly noted, cradling the teddy bear against his chest, as he answered, his voice shaking, "My heart's still racing."

By which Severide knew he was referring to that earth shattering boom. He'd been in his fair share of thunderstorms and tornadoes, but he couldn't off hand recall ever hearing anything that loud in the sky.

"Yeah, mine too," he confessed.

He could see that sleep was futile for the immediate time being, so he pushed back the covers to get up and told Casey, "Come on, let's get something to eat."

* * *

Casey sat at the kitchen table with his head propped on his hand, his eyes slowly adjusting to the bright light. His heart was still pounding against his chest and he didn't know when it was going to stop. Across from him, he watched through one eye as Kelly took a couple Oreos out of their package and crushed them in his fist to coat over the top of the two bowls of ice cream with.

"I think they make it like that now," Casey cynically commented with an exhausted smirk on his face.

"Shut up and eat," Kelly remarked as he slid one bowl across the table to him.

"Thanks."

Outside the thunder rumbled again, nowhere near as loud as before, but still enough to wake up any light sleeper in the vicinity.

"I _hate_ storms," Casey admitted.

"I never exactly hated them, but when one'd come out of nowhere in the middle of the night and scare the hell out of me as a kid, it sounded like the whole house was going to come crashing down," Kelly told him. "One summer we had bad storms every Thursday night like clockwork, the nights Benny was home I ran into their room and got into bed with him and Mom, finally it reached a point he just went and slept in my bed and left me with Mom. He complained I never stopped kicking him in my sleep."

Casey bowed his head laughing and about choked on a spoonful of ice cream.

They ate in silence for a couple minutes before Casey looked over at Kelly and asked him, "What happens if I can't go back on shift? What happens if nothing works?"

"Can't think like that," Kelly shook his head, "you've still got plenty of time. We'll try it again tomorrow."

"I couldn't get through two rooms in the dark without panicking...the whole apartment? A structure fire?" Casey shook his head. "I don't think I'll be able to do it."

"Remember I said to trust me? And I said nothing that happened here would leave the apartment? Next time we try it, I want you to talk me through it."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean when you start to panic, you tell me why you are, if you can do that, you can look at it logically, and if you can do that you should be able to get past it."

Casey shook his head, "I don't know, Kelly, it sounds stupid."

"Of course it does, because it's embarrassing to have to admit _why_ you're scared of something. But it's also the only way you can figure out how to beat it," Kelly told him. "Anything you tell me, I'm not going to judge you. I know this is hard as hell for you to deal with, and I'm trying everything I can to help you."

"I don't want..." Casey couldn't finish that sentence, he tried again, "I'm worried that our friendship can't survive all of this."

"Why would you think that?" Severide wanted to know.

"Because so much has already changed, it's not the same at all."

Kelly was silent for a moment as he thought about this. It hadn't occurred to him that things had changed between them at all, but looking over the events of the past couple weeks he guessed there was some truth to that.

"Okay, so things are different...that's not necessarily a bad thing, is it?"

"How long do you honestly think you can put up with all of this, with..." Casey didn't, or couldn't, finish the question.

Kelly reached across the table and gripped Casey's hand in his and squeezed it tight to get his attention. "You're my best friend and nothing's going to change that."

He saw the tears starting to build in Casey's eyes as Matt told him, "This feels pretty broken to me."

"It's gonna get better," Kelly promised him.

By the time they returned to the living room, the storm had largely died down though the rain was still beating against the window, and some faint thunder and lightning could be heard and seen off in the distance. Casey returned to his side of the bed and crawled into his sleeping bag, then he felt something thrown on him, a heavy sheet, that Kelly straightened out across his chest and more or less tucked him in with. Just as Casey moved around to get settled back in for the night, he felt Kelly poking him in the shoulder and heard him say, "Hey."

Casey turned his head and even in the dark he could make out Kelly sitting on his haunches beside him, and saw him holding Hallie's teddy bear out to him.

"Here you go," he said quietly as he gave it to Casey.

Casey felt beyond words, all he could manage was a low, "Thanks," as he absently cradled it in the crook of his arm again.

There was a sudden breeze and the sound of the air whooshing and the next thing Casey was aware of was Kelly laying on the floor beside him, one hand placed over on Casey's shoulder.

"Kelly?"

Even in the dark he could see Severide smiling assuredly.

"I got you, you're safe...think you can go to sleep now?"

Casey opened his mouth to ask Kelly what he meant, then he realized he couldn't feel his heart pounding against his chest anymore. Somewhere between here and in the kitchen it had finally slowed back to normal. Casey closed his mouth and merely nodded.

Outside the thunder started rolling and Casey could feel vibrations from the floor under him. Kelly reached over, grabbed another blanket from the pile and draped it over both of them.

"Goodnight, Casey."

"Goodnight."


	12. Chapter 12

Casey stood at the window and looked at the the world outside. A lot of the rain from last night's storm had sunk into the ground, though everything was still shining from the water, the sky was still dark and dreary, it looked like it could start storming again at any time.

"Hey," Kelly said as he entered the living room, "you ready to go?"

"I'm not sure about this, Kelly," Casey said as he turned away from the window.

"Nobody's going to see us, it's dark," Kelly responded. "We won't be gone long." He watched Casey breathing hard and anxiously rubbing his face with his hands. "What's the matter?"

"I'm not sure I can do this, Kelly," he answered as he sat down, "and if I can't, I don't want to embarrass myself...or you..."

"Remember what I said about treating like this a physical injury and using that to gauge the recovery time?"

"So what?"

"So, I've had my fair share of falling on my face because I tried jogging again too soon after turning my ankle. I got through that, you'll get through this. Come on, let's go."

Casey sighed and followed Kelly to the door, they stepped outside, he locked the door behind him, pocketed the key and zipped the pocket shut so he wouldn't lose it. He'd gotten outside, but his feet felt like they were cemented down. Something grabbed him, he looked at Kelly and saw the Squad lieutenant had grabbed Matt's hand in his own and was squeezing it.

"You got this," Kelly told him, "come on."

They walked down the steps and for the first time since his attack, Casey walked down the sidewalk, and he kept pace with Severide as they headed down the block into the night. The street lamps were on and several of the neighboring homes were lit up, but there was still plenty of darkness in between and Casey found himself turning his head every which way looking towards every dark corner.

"Talk to me, Casey, what's going through your mind?" Kelly asked.

Casey looked across the street, then behind them, and said, not able to keep the fear out of his voice, "He's out here somewhere."

Kelly squeezed Casey's hand reassuringly, "He's somewhere, but he's not here, he's not watching you, he's not after you."

"You don't know that."

"It's not how they work," Kelly replied, "By now he's somewhere else laying low until the heat's off."

"I wish I could believe that," Casey told him.

"Just remember he's not _here_," Kelly said.

Casey kept turning his head back every so often to see how far from the apartment they'd gotten. There were a few other people out walking by but they didn't directly encounter any of them. He wanted nothing more than to go back and lock himself in for the rest of the night, but he didn't want to let Kelly down, and he knew, as Kelly had pointed out repeatedly, that Severide wouldn't let anything happen to him. If _Kelly_ thought something was wrong, they would turn back, so for the time being Casey let Severide pull him along and decide how far they went. He tried to trust Kelly's instincts.

He tried to, but as it got increasingly darker and there were more and more areas where he couldn't see what was hiding in the shadows, he felt his heart starting to race again.

"Let's go back," he said, hoping they'd gone far enough that Kelly would agree.

"Just a little further," Severide responded, "you're doing fine, trust me."

"I'm trying."

He tried, but the shadows were growing, multiplying, a hundred different places somebody could be hiding and they'd never know it.

"He's here," Casey said suddenly, "I can feel him watching me."

"There's nobody here, Matt, everything's fine," Kelly told him.

"No, he's out there somewhere," Casey said, looking around.

"Just keep reminding yourself, he's not here," Kelly said. "He wouldn't have any reason to be here. He's not coming back for you."

Casey stopped in his tracks and used all his weight to force Kelly to a stop as well, "I want to go back...please, let's just go home."

"What're you scared of, Matt?" Kelly asked.

Casey knew what Kelly was doing, the same thing he'd mentioned doing in the apartment working from room to room in the dark. He wanted Casey to explain to him _why_ he was afraid, thinking that that could somehow take away the fear by looking at things rationally.

"I can feel somebody watching me, I don't...I don't feel safe, _please_ let's just go back home, I don't want to be out here," Casey told him.

Kelly kept his grip on Casey's hand, and with his other hand reached over and clapped it on Matt's shoulder, "Okay, okay...you did great, Casey, this was great for a first try, you're getting there."

Casey felt pins and needles running up and down his neck and back, it was getting harder to breathe, "I want to go home."

"Okay, we'll go."

* * *

Getting home didn't automatically alleviate Casey's fears. Even though he had the only key to the new lock on the door, once they returned to the apartment, he and Severide had to search every room, every single hiding place, and only once they'd scoured the whole place and couldn't find anybody lurking there, was Casey finally able to take a deep breath and start to relax.

"Don't turn out the lights," Casey said.

"Matt, we just went through the whole apartment, you saw for yourself there's nobody here, this is the perfect time to try it."

"No..."

Kelly thought for a minute, and he told Casey, "Stay here and give me a few minutes, we'll try something different."

* * *

By 'something different', Kelly's idea was instead of plunging the apartment into complete darkness, to only plunge it into almost total darkness. He'd found some votive candles leftover from Halloween and put one in each room and lit them, then hit the breaker. It wasn't enough light to make out too much, most of each room was just shrouded in strange shadows against the faint glare, and Casey, knowing what he knew, knowing that Kelly was right and there wasn't anybody there, but still not able to shake the feeling of eyes watching him, forced himself from room to room, walked all the way around the room, then put out the candle on his way out, and did this in the kitchen, the bedroom, the bathroom, and made his way back to the living room, and put out the last candle on the coffee table.

Now he was plunged in total darkness again. He stood right where he was, not moving, practically holding his breath, feeling his heart beat against his chest, and waited...waited...waited...

The lights came back on, and he could see everything again, and he saw Kelly enter the room.

"You did great, Casey, I'm proud of you."

Casey felt exhausted by the process and he could barely even form any words in response. Kelly went from one room to the next picking up the candles to put them away, and when he was in the kitchen, Casey called out, "Kelly!"

Severide dropped the candles on the table and hotfooted it back to the living room. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Casey didn't say anything. Instead he reached over and locked his arms around Kelly's back and held onto him as tight as if his life was depending on it.

Kelly was caught off guard by this but he didn't say anything, he understood. He remembered everything he told Casey when they'd started this, no questions asked. He got his own arms loose and wrapped them around Casey's back and held his best friend for several minutes, the only sound in the apartment that of Casey's distressed breathing. When he finally quieted down and started to pull back, Kelly asked him, "You okay?"

Casey looked at him and answered, "I think I'm getting there."

* * *

At Severide's insistence, Casey spent the next few days doing more of the same. Both in the daytime and at night the two of them would leave the apartment and walk around the neighborhood, getting Casey reacquainted with the environment outside his apartment. And at night, Kelly would cut the lights and Casey would maneuver his way through the dark from room to room, until he'd made his way all through the apartment. The experiments weren't without their setbacks, despite Casey's best efforts there were still instances the sensation of somebody else watching him got overwhelming and he would beg Kelly to put the lights back on. But they kept at it night after night and Casey reached the point he could feel his way through the whole apartment without any lights, without panicking, and though he could still feel someone watching him, he managed to convince himself that it was all in his head and there was nobody there.

The two weeks passed, and they had binge watched every single DVD set Kelly had gotten from the library, and Casey had finally started sleeping in his own bed again, and staying asleep most of the night. There was one more day until they would be back on shift, and Kelly had told Casey he wanted them to go out that night and do something. He had something in mind but told Casey he wanted it to be a surprise. Casey didn't have any idea what Kelly was up to, but he agreed to go along with it. They got in Severide's car and he drove for about half an hour without so much as a word about where they were going. Casey looked out the window at the scenery passing by, and after a while he realized they were getting further and further off the beaten path.

"Where're we going?" he asked, suddenly becoming concerned.

"You'll see," Kelly answered as he kept his eyes on the road.

After a few more minutes, the car slowed down and Casey looked out the window and did a double take. Even in the dark he could recognize the abandoned 6-story walk-up that the fire academy used to train recruits. It was where all of them took their final test.

"Kelly, what're-" Casey turned towards Severide.

"Come on," Kelly nodded his head towards the door, "we're going in."

Casey didn't get it, but he saw Kelly reach for his door, so he got out too. He stood beside the car and looked up at the building, Severide went around to the trunk and opened it up.

"I called in a favor with some of the guys at the academy, come on," Kelly said.

Casey went around to the back and looked in and saw the trunk contained two sets of turnout gear complete with SCBAs, masks, helmets, lights and radios.

"What's going on?" Casey asked.

"This is the real test before we go back to 51. There's a couple smoke machines in there. We're gonna go in like a primary search, check all the floors. Now come on, let's suit up."

* * *

"Third floor's clear," Kelly said into his radio. He and Casey had gone in and split up, Casey was to check the 4th through 6th floors, and Kelly would work his way up from the 1st to the 3rd. He and Matt had been keeping in touch through the radios and reported when the sweep of one floor was finished and the ascension to another began.

There was no response.

"Casey? Where are you?

Nothing.

"Casey! Report!"

Nobody responded.

Severide made his way through the smoke to the stairwell in the hall and looked up. "Casey?"

He heard something, but it wasn't on his radio. The faint sound of somebody moaning echoed up from somewhere down below.

"Casey?" A dozen different scenarios ran through Severide's mind as he rushed down the stairs as fast as he could with 80 extra pounds on him. He checked the whole second floor and didn't find anything, then headed down to the first floor and found Casey huddled on floor in the corner.

"Casey! What happened?" Kelly made his way over to Matt and crouched down beside him.

It was only now that Kelly realized Casey wasn't moaning, with the illumination from his helmet light, he could see through the mask that Casey was laughing, a look on his face that Kelly could only describe as delirious with relief.

"Casey?"

"I did it." The words were so quiet, Kelly almost missed them. Then, slightly louder, Casey repeated as he looked up at him, "I did it...I...I...I made it through all six floors." A small hysterical laugh ripped through him as this fact fully dawned on him.

Kelly felt like he was grinning from ear to ear as he realized Casey had made it through the whole building without panicking. He reached over and pulled off Casey's helmet and mask and told him, "I knew you could do it," and pulled the blonde man into a hug.

Casey sounded like he was laughing and crying at the same time, as he pulled back he told Kelly, "Thank you."

"You did this, buddy, this was all _you_," Kelly said as he helped pull Casey to his feet. "Come on, let's finish up and get out of here."


	13. Chapter 13

Everybody was on the apparatus floor with a hearty welcome back for the two lieutenants as they entered 51 the next morning. Everybody commented on how good the two of them looked and how glad everybody was to have them back and hopefully things could get back to normal now. The bells went off very early into shift and it was a dead run from there. Truck and Squad were sent out on most of the same calls, and every so often Kelly would look over at Casey, and it seemed to him that the Truck lieutenant was holding everything together very well for his first day back. As the saying went, Casey adapted back to the routine of 51 like getting on a bike, to anybody that didn't know better, it was like he'd never been gone.

At night, things seemed to calm down for a while, everybody crashed in the bunk room to get some sleep before the bells went off again. Kelly waited until it was quiet, and left his quarters and crossed over to Casey's. The blinds were drawn but he put his ear to the door and listened. Faintly he could hear Casey's steady breathing and an occasional snore. Feeling like a weight had been taken off his shoulders, Kelly headed back to his own bunk for the night to get some rest.

But sleep didn't come easily. Kelly had thrown all his energy in the past 2 weeks into helping Casey recover from his attack, and while he'd done everything that came to his mind that could help his friend, it had also been a distraction from some of the thoughts that had been eating at him since he'd left Casey's apartment days earlier.

He'd felt guilty for leaving Casey. He'd thought by giving him some space he could process what had happened, he'd thought his presence was a hindrance for Casey's recovery. Apparently he'd been wrong but he hadn't known what to do. And when they came back, and he saw Casey trying to kill himself, he'd been racked with guilt over several other things.

_"What was that?" Casey asked as he poked his head over the shower curtain._

_"Some guy wants you to come out to his place tomorrow for a job," Kelly answered._

_"He say what it was?"_

_"Something about putting on an extension, you do that?" Kelly asked._

_"Preferably with more hands, yeah," Casey's head disappeared back under the curtain. "Get the address?"_

_"Uh...yeah. Here."_

_"Thanks."_

_"So you want some of us to go with you?" Kelly asked._

_"I'm gonna check it out and see if I even want the job first," Casey told him. "If I take it, then I'll swing by Molly's tomorrow night and see who's interested in helping."_

_"Suit yourself."_

Kelly should've insisted he'd go with Casey, whoever had attacked Casey expected him to come alone, if Kelly had gone with him, they wouldn't be in this mess.

_"What can you tell me about the guy that attacked Casey?" Antonio asked._

_"Not much," Kelly answered, "I think I talked to him."_

_"You think?"_

_"Some guy called Casey's phone asking about a construction job, I answered the phone."_

_"Would you recognize the voice if you heard it again?"_

_"I...don't know," Kelly shook his head helplessly._

Kelly had replayed the conversation he'd had with the man over in his mind a hundred times already, trying to place the voice, trying to remember if he'd heard it somewhere before. Trying to remember it well enough he _could_ recognize it if he heard it again, but he always came up empty. If the cops had ever said they had someone and wanted to do a voice lineup, Kelly knew that he would fail. It felt like that was all he'd done, fail his best friend, which was part of why he'd tried so hard the last couple weeks to try and undo some of the damage, the damage that _he_ had caused without realizing it.

No, sleep did not come easily to Kelly that night.

* * *

Casey had sneaked out to the kitchen to get a drink, then quietly made his way back towards his quarters without waking anyone. He knew it was late but he thought about stopping in Kelly's quarters to talk to him while he had the chance before another call came in. He opened the door and went over to the bunk, and saw it was empty. He looked around the room, Kelly wasn't there. Casey doubled back and checked the bathroom, Kelly wasn't there either. He checked the kitchen and the common room, nothing. It was getting harder not to panic but Casey knew it was a big station house. He didn't know why, but his next instinct was to check the apparatus floor. Maybe Kelly had gone out for a cigar break and hadn't wanted to bug him.

As Casey made his way past the trucks, he thought he heard something. He stopped, and held his breath, and listened, and he heard a muffled sound coming from the Squad rig. He backed up, pulled open the door and saw Kelly seated on the floor where they changed into their scuba gear. Even in the dark Casey saw the Squad lieutenant tucked in a ball, softly crying, and Casey felt like the rug had just been pulled out from under him.

"Kelly, what's wrong?"

The Squad lieutenant ran the back of his hand under his nose and sniffed as he answered, not even able to look at Casey, "I should've gone with you on that job, then none of this would've happened."

Casey had no idea what he was talking about. "What do you mean?"

"I _talked_ to the guy, Casey," Kelly looked up at him, "I told him it was a one-man crew, he knew you'd be alone, if I'd gone with you, he wouldn't have been able to do anything."

The words started to fall into place in Matt's head that he could realize what Kelly was saying, and he just about laughed even though there was nothing funny about it.

"Kelly, what happened to me isn't your fault, I _told_ you I didn't want anyone going with me."

"I shouldn't have listened, I should've gone anyway," Severide replied.

"Kelly," Casey stepped into the rig and knelt down beside him, "There's no way you could've known what was going to happen. This isn't on you."

"It feels like it is," Kelly told him.

"Oh Kelly..." Casey put his arms around his friend and pulled Kelly against him.

A choked sob broke loose as Kelly pressed his face into the crook of Casey's neck, Casey calmly rubbed his back with both hands and murmured soothing reassurances.

* * *

Three more calls came in before shift change, a four car pileup on the highway, a two story house fire, and it took both companies to get a 500 pound pregnant woman from the floor of her living room out to the ambulance to be rushed to Med. By the time Kelly and Casey got back to his apartment and basically fell in the front door, they were running on a combined total of maybe three hours' sleep.

"You want some coffee?" Casey croaked out as he fumbled to get his jacket off.

Kelly groaned and shook his head, "All I want to do is get a couple more hours' sleep."

"Sounds good," Casey agreed.

Kelly made it over to the couch and fell face down on the cushions, his eyes already closed, a prolonged moan escaping his lips.

"Kelly."

"Hmm?" he forced himself to roll over and opened his eyes to look at Casey.

Matt stood beside the couch and Kelly saw he was holding Hallie's teddy bear, which he then held out to Kelly and said simply, "Here."

Kelly got out an exhausted laugh as Casey tucked it into the crook of his arm. "Thanks."

Casey pulled the blanket off the top of the couch and draped it over Kelly, then turned and headed off to the bedroom.

Kelly had one eye half opened as he looked at the stuffed animal, he hadn't paid much attention at the time he dug it out of the closet, but as it brushed against his bare skin he noticed how soft it was, and that coupled with the memories that no doubt flooded Casey, it was no wonder he held onto it so much over the past couple weeks when he went to sleep. Kelly rolled onto his side and adjusted the blanket covering him, and with the teddy bear still tucked under his arm, it was amazing how naturally it seemed to fit there he noted, he closed his eyes and eventually fell asleep.

* * *

Kelly knocked on the door frame as he poked his head in Casey's room. It was 11 A.M., and though the sun had been out that morning when they left shift and looked like the beginning of a beautiful day, when he woke up it was dark out and it looked like it was going to start pouring any minute.

"Mind if I come in?" he asked the lump turned away from him in the bed.

Casey turned his head back enough to see Kelly and answered tiredly, "Sure."

Kelly walked over to the bed and saw Casey hadn't even pulled back the covers, just dug a quilt out of the closet and burrowed under it. Kelly lifted up the other end and crawled in beside him.

"You okay?" he asked the blonde man who still looked exhausted.

Casey merely nodded and replied, "You?"

Kelly just nodded.

"None of this was your fault, Kelly."

"I know, but it still feels like it is. I'm sorry that there wasn't anything else I could do."

"You've put up with me for two weeks and helped me get through the absolute _worst_ time of my life," Casey responded as he turned over to face Severide. "I couldn't ask for more than that."

"It's still not enough," Kelly shook his head.

"You saved my life...that's enough. I can deal with the rest...I'm _learning_ to deal with the rest."

Kelly didn't know what to say after that. They laid there for a couple minutes and through the open window he could hear the rain starting outside.

"You want to get lunch?" Kelly asked.

Casey shook his head, "Just wanna stay here for a while."

Kelly thought for a minute and decided, "Me too."

* * *

Kelly stood over the kitchen table peeling leaf lettuce off their stems then put them on a cutting board and chopped them into little pieces when he saw Casey stroll in to the room.

"Hey Casey, you want a chef salad for dinner?"

"Yeah, sure, fine," Casey said with no conviction as he pulled out a chair and sat down at the table.

"What's wrong?" Kelly asked as he put the knife down and straightened his back.

"Kelly."

"Huh?"

Casey looked at him and asked, "Has there been any update on the case?"

Kelly shook his head, "They're trying...but there are a lot of open cases with similar stuff but nothing real concrete."

"I need to talk to them again, don't I?"

"About what?"

"Anything else I can tell him...what this guy looks like...what, what he did...maybe then they can catch him...if I don't, he _is_ going to do this to someone else, and they will die. I can't live with _that_ on my conscience."

"You're not obligated to-"

"No, I'm not...but that's the whole point of being a firefighter, we don't just do what we're obligated to do, we do what we have to do and what we can do...and if I don't apply that same reasoning to this...then I'm a hypocrite."

"This isn't the same thing at all, Casey."

"We save lives...and if the cops can catch this bastard before he finds another victim, it _is_ the same thing."

Kelly looked at him and didn't say anything for a minute. Finally he responded, "If that's what you want to do, okay."

Despite this, Casey grimaced as he realized, "Everybody in Intelligence knows about this."

Kelly brainstormed, and said, "I bet we could get Antonio to come over here and you could talk to him."

"I hope so...I know I have to do this, but I can't face all of them right now," Casey said.

Kelly reached over and patted Casey's shoulder, "It'll be alright. They know how hard this is for you, and Antonio will understand."

He just hoped that this actually worked.


	14. Chapter 14

There was a knock at the front door. Casey undid the locks and saw it was Antonio, he was early.

"Hey Casey, how're you doing?" he asked as he entered the apartment, both hands in his jacket pockets.

"Not really sure," Matt answered.

Antonio looked past him and saw another person in the room. "Kelly."

Severide hadn't gotten around to asking Casey how he wanted to do this, and decided the best thing for him to do was vacate the situation immediately to make it less awkward for Casey.

"I'll-be back later," he said as he moved to grab his jacket.

"No, don't," Casey told him, "you might as well hear this too."

"I know how hard this is for you, Matt," Antonio said, "nobody's expecting you to tell us anymore than you can. Just anything new you can tell me, it'll help us know what we're looking for."

"Okay," Casey sighed as they sat down, he and Kelly were seated on the couch, Antonio sat in a chair facing Casey.

"Just start whenever you're comfortable," Antonio told him.

Casey was silent for a minute, and finally he said, "The guy who attacked me...he was...maybe half a foot taller than me...slightly bigger than me...I don't know, I'd guess somewhere around 200 pounds...he had..."

Casey's face went blank for a moment, and both Kelly and Antonio noticed, but finally he spoke.

"Short...dark hair...brown...he was clean shaven...I'd guess...late 30s...maybe early 40s...white...white but tanned..."

"And you spoke with him?" Antonio asked.

"Briefly."

"Was there anything about his voice that stuck out? A lisp, an accent?"

"I...I...don't know," Casey was visibly struggling to recall, "I think there was an accent but I'm not sure."

"Alright, that's okay...do you think you could identify the voice if you heard it again?" Antonio asked.

Casey thought about it and slowly nodded his head. "Yeah, I think so."

"That's something."

"Uh...when you guys were here a few weeks ago...I lied about something to Voight."

"Okay," Antonio didn't seem surprised, "what was it?"

"When we were in the bedroom...he told me to look around and see if anything was missing...clothes...personal effects...I said no."

"Something was taken?" Antonio asked.

"Not from here," Casey looked down as he reluctantly answered, "During the attack...he took my...he took my clothes off...and...he kept my...my underwear, and my work boots...we never found them after he left."

"I realize this is hard, Casey, but this is important, this could help break the case," Antonio told him.

"I know, and I know I should've told Voight in the beginning, but I didn't," Casey was becoming increasingly anxious and almost panic stricken as he struggled to keep talking.

"It's alright, Matt, this is the worst thing anybody has to talk about, we get it," Antonio assured him. "Do you need to take a break?"

Casey shook his head, but the words didn't come right away. "He...he said...he said..."

That voice. That alone was enough to wake him up countless times screaming over the past 3 weeks. Like the voice of the devil himself. There was no way he could ever describe it to anybody.

"He said...when he was finished with me...I was still his property...even when he sent me down to hell he would still own me, that he was in every single cell of my body and there was no escape."

Kelly was finding it harder to breathe as he sat beside Casey and watched this unfold. There was nothing more he wanted at that moment than to reach over and hug Casey and assure him it was all over, but he kept his distance and waited to see what happened next, if Casey could possibly continue after that.

Even Antonio was visibly struggling not to react to this newfound information.

"Okay...uh," he cleared his throat, "I need to ask Kelly some questions now, and I really need it to be one on one so if we find this guy, no lawyer can ever say that you were led or coaxed."

Casey nodded in understanding and moved to get up, but Antonio clarified, "Actually, Severide, if you could come out to the car with me for a few minutes, this won't take long."

"Yeah, sure," Kelly got up and told Casey, "I'll be right back."

Casey stayed where he was and just nodded.

* * *

"Please _tell_ me you have something," Kelly said when they closed the doors, "I'm not sure how much longer he can take this."

"Unfortunately there are a lot of open cases with some matches, but so far nothing definite," Antonio said.

"How can there be that many and you still don't know anything?" Kelly asked.

"Kelly, there are to date over 200,000 unsolved murders in this country just in the last 35 years and counting," Antonio told him, "And even with all the advances forensics and DNA evidence come up with, a lot of them are still going to remain unsolved until a miracle happens. We've been running what we've got against cases all over the country, and we've come up with three that seem most likely to fit the pattern. Three construction workers, all in their 30s, all tortured, stripped, sodomized, strangulated, all dumped at construction sites, posed postmortem. Their vehicles were at the sites, their keys were nearby, their clothes were gone. We found one case in Texas, one in Washington and one in Alaska."

Kelly looked at the Intelligence cop in horror at this news and asked, "All the same guy?"

"Looks like, there's a lengthy cool off period in between each one, what happened with Casey fits the time frame for a new victim. The thing that doesn't add up is none of the workers belonged to the crews at the sites where their bodies were dumped...and none of them owned their own construction company."

Kelly was confused. "So why Casey?"

"Maybe he's getting more confident," Antonio said, "or maybe he couldn't find anybody else that fit his type for a victim, everything else still checks."

"But no DNA?" Kelly knew there had to be a catch.

"He knows to cover his tracks, no DNA, no hairs, no spermicide, whatever he sodomized them with, nothing was found during the postmortem."

"Was there anything in the victims' mouths?" Kelly asked. "When we found Casey he'd been gagged with a dirty handkerchief, did they check?"

"Nothing usable in the victims' mouths _or_ stomachs," Antonio answered. "They all had similar ligature marks but there were no usable fibers in any of them. This guy is no amateur, he knows what he's doing."

Kelly tried to comprehend what Antonio was telling him, and asked, "But only three victims so far?"

"Three that match anyway, he could've spent years working his way to this point, starting out in a comfort zone with minor assaults, maybe some breaking and entering, maybe some kidnapping charges, possibly sexual assault. Technically this doesn't qualify as a sex crime but if he did this to anybody else, most guys would not report it because they're too embarrassed."

"So why would he start killing them?" Kelly wanted to know.

"Possibly just torturing and humiliating them stopped being fulfilling to him, or maybe he got too careless and accidentally killed one, and it upped the satisfaction he got out of it," Dawson told him.

"_Would_ he come back?" Kelly asked.

Antonio looked at him and answered honestly, "I don't know. Just be aware, be vigilant, if you notice anything, give me a call."

"I know, Voight already gave me a card."

"Yeah, well put me on speed dial," Antonio said, "Casey even _thinks_ he sees this guy again, let me know."

"He was doing pretty well until now," Kelly said. "I think this just set him clear back. Any suggestions?"

"If he won't talk to anyone about it, unfortunately there's not much you can do," Antonio answered, "he has to want help."

"He wants help, he just doesn't want anyone to find out what happened," Kelly replied.

He sighed exasperatedly and told the cop, "I better get back in and check on him."

"Good luck, Kelly."

* * *

Kelly moved to knock on the front door for Casey to let him in, and saw that the door was ajar, Casey hadn't locked it, hadn't even closed it.

"Casey?" Kelly stepped in and looked around. He shut the door behind him, and quickly found Casey curled in a ball on the far end of the couch, his face pressed against his knees as he cried and shook like a leaf.

Kelly felt the weight of the whole planet back on his shoulders. Without a word he went over to the couch, sat down beside Casey, leaned over and pulled Matt towards him and held him in his arms. Casey didn't respond to the touch, but Kelly supposed he should just be grateful that Casey didn't try to retreat from it either. There were so many things he wanted to say, and so many things he wished he could say, but he couldn't give voice to any of them. So he just held his friend and let him gradually cry himself to sleep.

He didn't know when Casey finally did fall asleep, he didn't know what time it was, all he knew was that he was exhausted, and he slowly and very awkwardly got them both laid down on the couch, Casey laying on top of his chest. Kelly hoped he would sleep through the rest of the night, and very tiredly closed his own eyes and tried to block out the light and the sound from the TV and the lights being on again.

* * *

"Kelly...Kelly...Kelly."

"Huh? Wha?" Kelly opened his eyes, the room was dark. After a few seconds he remembered he was in his quarters at 51, and he sat somebody standing beside his bunk, and he knew who it was.

"What's wrong, Casey?" he tiredly whispered.

Casey stood stiff as a board, and it was with much difficulty that he was able to answer, "I...had a...nightmare."

This wasn't the first time since they'd been back to work that Casey had done this. It wasn't every shift but most nights he was woken up by Casey, who asked without asking, if he could stay with Severide.

"Okay, come on," Kelly threw back the covers, and reached out and grabbed Casey's arm assuredly, then recoiled as he realized, "Casey you're soaked."

Now that his eyes had had time to adjust to the darkness, he realized that Casey's hair was standing up in small spikes, he must've sweated through his whole bunk.

Kelly sighed to himself as he realized what he had to do now.

"Okay...okay," he said as he swung his legs over the side and got up, he clapped a hand on Casey's back and told him, "Let's go."

The two men quietly made their way through the bunk room and over to the locker room. Kelly got a change of clothes out of Casey's locker as Matt stripped off his clothes that were practically stuck to him, turned on the hot water and stepped in one of the stalls and pulled the curtain behind him. Ten minutes later he all but fell out of the shower dripping wet and his skin bright pink from nearly scalding himself.

"You okay?" Kelly asked as he handed Casey a towel.

Casey dried off his arms and his face first and for a brief second buried his face in the towel, then lowered it and merely nodded with a strained groan for an answer.

"I'm sorry," he finally managed to get out.

"It's okay...you get dressed," Kelly picked up his discarded clothes and said, "I'll get your stuff tossed in the washer."

Casey nodded his head mechanically and said only, "Thanks, Kelly."

Severide made his way back through the bunk room, into Casey's quarters, quickly stripped the bed and took it all to the laundry room and got it started. On his way back, a sudden deep voice said, "Kelly."

"Ah!" Kelly spun on his heel and saw it was Boden.

"Chief...you scared me."

"What's going on, Kelly?" Wallace asked.

"Oh...Casey threw up."

"Is he alright?"

"Yeah, I think it's just a stomach flu."

"Oh great," Boden grumbled. "Well I sincerely hope it runs its course with everybody at 51 before the next shift."

Kelly didn't know what else to do, so he just nodded.

* * *

"You told Boden?" Casey's eyes were wide with panic when they returned to his quarters.

"I told him you threw up, he seemed to buy it," Kelly answered as they made short work of remaking the bunk with fresh bedding.

Casey groaned, "Kelly, this whole thing is a mess."

"I know," he replied. "It'll get better."

"When?" Casey sounded close to losing any hope of that.

"Little at a time," Kelly put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it reassuringly.

"I don't think I can wait that long."

"You'll be fine, come on, let's try and get some sleep before the bells go off," Kelly said as he laid down on one side of the bed.

"I can't sleep," Casey told him.

"Lie down anyway."

Reluctantly, Casey did. The two of them fit on the bunk, albeit awkwardly, Casey turned on his side so there was more space between them.

"I can't sleep," he repeated.

"Just close your eyes and rest," Kelly told him. He watched Casey until he did. "Okay, take a deep breath...another...another...good, just take it easy."

Kelly was still awake, and still watching Casey when his breaths became steady and rhythmic and let him know the Truck lieutenant was finally asleep, half an hour later. Then Severide laid back and closed his eyes as well, and hoped it was a slow night.


	15. Chapter 15

"Severide, are you okay?" Brett asked.

Kelly opened his eyes and honestly didn't have any recollection of what was going on.

"Uh, sorry, what?" he asked.

It had been a long couple of weeks with Casey either up all night or waking up screaming every few hours, on shift Kelly felt like he couldn't take his eyes off of Matt. Several times on a job he witnessed Casey just blank out staring off into space, only what he was really doing was looking around for the man that attacked him. He did it almost everywhere they went. They'd finally had to go to to the grocery store to restock the fridge, and every few steps Casey trailed behind him and looked around, almost expecting the guy to come around every corner. There had been no update from Antonio, they didn't seem to be any closer to catching this guy, and if they were, they weren't telling Kelly anything. It was all wearing on Kelly, he was exhausted, his head was throbbing, he felt like he had the flu but he knew he wasn't sick, he just felt sick, and he couldn't explain it to anybody.

"Are you feeling alright, Kelly?" Brett asked again.

"Uh, yeah...just tired," he said.

But the blonde paramedic didn't seem convinced. "Maybe you should let me check your vitals real quick."

"I'm fine," he insisted.

"Then you shouldn't have anything to hide, should you?" she replied knowingly.

He glared at her but he was too tired for it to come off as threatening.

"Okay, okay," he gave in, "If it'll make you happy, fine."

* * *

"Kelly!"

"Huh?" Severide opened his eyes against and found himself sitting on the bumper of 61, a blood pressure cuff squeezing the life out of his arm, and Sylvie seated beside him with a concerned look on her face. His head was pounding even more now, even his eye was throbbing.

"Sorry, what were we talking about?"

"Something's obviously wrong, Kelly, I've never seen these kinds of vitals on the _same_ patient; your resting pulse is 100 beats per minute, your blood pressure is 230 over 115. What's going on?"

"Nothing," he said as she removed the cuff, "nothing's wrong, I feel fine."

"You're _not_ fine, you don't look fine and I don't believe for one second that you feel fine," Brett replied.

"I said it's nothing," Kelly snapped, "get off my back!"

Sylvie's eyes popped open at twice their normal size in shock of being yelled at. "Kelly."

Severide stormed off the apparatus floor, wouldn't speak to anybody, wouldn't even look at anybody, just made a beeline straight for his lieutenant's quarters, slammed the door, and for a moment he leaned against the door with his forehead pressed against it, and felt like his head was going to explode. Heaving in a deep breath, he turned around, and hit the wall. A domino effect had started, and he punched the wall again, and again, and again, and though he wasn't sure when exactly it started, he knew that at some point as he hit the wall with his fists, he was screaming. To Kelly it just seemed to go on forever, and he wasn't aware of it stopping.

Outside the door, Casey was passing by when he heard a commotion from inside, threw the door open and found Severide collapsed on the floor in a heap.

"Kelly? Oh my God...somebody _help_!"

* * *

Kelly had the strange sensation he was being watched. He opened his eyes and saw he was laying down somewhere, and Boden was standing over him, so was Cruz, and Otis, and in the corner of his eye he could see Brett standing nearby. He had no idea what they were doing there or what was going on. He got ready to move when he felt somebody grabbing his hand, he moved his head to the side and saw he was on his bunk in his quarters, and Casey was laying right beside him squeezing his hand.

"Casey?"

"It's okay, Severide."

"How're you feeling, Kelly?" Boden asked.

"I..." Kelly looked around the room and tried to figure out what it was all about, "what's going on, Chief?"

"His vitals are normal now," Sylvie said. "Blood pressure's back to 140 over 90, heart rate's 60."

"You gave us one hell of a scare, Severide," Wallace told him.

Kelly's eyes roamed around the room and gradually he saw the rest of the guys from both Squad and Truck were there as well. What had happened? He tried to sit up and the sudden movement stirred up the air enough he could feel something wet on his face, it took a few seconds for him to realize they were half dried tears. Slowly he was starting to remember, he remembered beating the wall with his fists and screaming, feeling like his heart was about to completely burst out of his chest...then somewhere after that he started crying instead, and he could vaguely remember the sound of people around him, but the rest was still a blur. Only now did he realize that his head no longer felt like it was going to explode and his eyes had stopped throbbing in their sockets.

"We thought we were going to have to load you in 61 and rush you to Med," Brett explained, "then your blood pressure dropped 50 points in 15 minutes."

"What?" Kelly wasn't fully able to comprehend what she was saying.

"Everyone, give us a minute," Boden ordered his men.

Casey squeezed Kelly's hand and said quietly in his ear, "It's okay, I told Boden it's my fault," and he quickly followed the others out of the room, and closed the door behind him.

Kelly slowly got up from his bed and stood up, feeling a little shaky on his feet.

"Chief? I...don't really remember what happened."

"That's what I'd like to know," Wallace replied. "Casey found you on the floor, by the time the rest of us got here you were pretty far gone...Casey was the only one who could get any response out of you, I had Brett re-test your vitals every five minutes, when they started to drop we decided it wasn't necessary to get you to Med."

"Did I say anything?"

"Not much that was coherent...Casey was beyond hysterical, he kept saying that it was his fault this was happening, but he wouldn't elaborate."

Kelly felt the weight of the planet back on him again, and he knew he had to act fast to get it off. If ever there was a time to tell the truth, this was it.

"He's lying...he's covering for me," Severide told Boden.

It might've been the time to come clean about what was going on, but he wasn't going to do it, he wouldn't betray Casey, instead, he'd take the fall for this.

If the battalion chief had any questions about why Casey would do such a thing, he kept them to himself, instead he just asked Severide, "About what?"

Kelly sucked in a breath, and answered, "A couple weeks back I was at a bar, not Molly's...and I had more to drink than I should've, and when I was leaving the bar, somebody jumped me. I thought he was trying to mug me, and normally I'd kick his ass...I just gave him my wallet, figured it was not worth Ambo being called out to rush me to the hospital with a bullet hole in me, but he grabbed me by the throat and choked me, and I tried to fight him but I passed out. And when I came to, I was in a vacant lot somewhere...and this guy was there, and he...he _did_ have a gun...and he...forced the muzzle into my mouth, and he...kept pushing it in, as far as he could...and he told me to take off my belt...I knew what he would do to me if I didn't...and I didn't want to die...he had me face down on the ground...and he...he started to..."

Kelly had stopped making eye contact with the battalion chief halfway through his explanation, now he just closed his eyes altogether. He felt a strong hand grab his shoulder and he wanted to jump. Reworking the details to tell half of the truth of what had happened was still hard but it was enough of an outlet that Kelly felt some relief at finally being able to tell somebody what was going on even if it wasn't the whole truth. Despite the relief he felt, he also felt the tears building up behind his eyelids and felt them threatening to break loose.

"Before it got any further, somebody drove by the lot and he panicked and took off...it was Casey...he was driving by and saw what happened...he was the one that found me...he tried to get me to go to the hospital, to the police...I begged him not to tell anybody...I didn't want anyone to know...I didn't want anyone thinking it was my fault."

"Kelly." Now Boden spoke, even though Severide still couldn't bring himself to look at the chief, "Nobody here at 51 would do that, you know that."

"But it's true," Kelly finally opened his eyes and looked at Boden, "I was drunk, I wasn't paying attention..."

"None of which makes what happened your fault," Wallace pointed out. "Have you told _anybody_ about this?"

"Just Casey," Kelly answered. "He's been letting me stay at his place since it happened...the other night on shift...Casey didn't throw up...he's been letting me stay with him in his quarters at night...or he comes to mine to keep an eye on me...I had a nightmare and sweated through the whole bunk...I can't stop thinking about what happened, every little thing reminds me of it...of _him_...and I know he's still out there somewhere, and I can't stop thinking what if he comes back? What if-"

"Hey, hey," the gruff voice said softly as Kelly felt himself pulled into a bone crushing grip, "shh, it's going to be alright, Kelly, you're going to be alright."

"I didn't want anyone to know..."

"I know."

Kelly felt his chest heaving with sobs that just began as he clung to Boden desperately and said, "I think I hate Casey for finding me when he did...I think I'd rather be dead than for everyone to find out...than to live with the memories of what he did to me..."

* * *

"Boden is sending me home until next shift for me to get my head on straight," Kelly explained as he marched into Casey's quarters to inform him of the situation.

Casey looked like he'd been punched in the gut. "I am so sorry, Kelly, I had no idea this would happen."

"It'll be fine," Kelly said, "I'll see you in a few hours, I just need your key."

"My key?"

"I can't get into your apartment without it," Kelly told him. "I promise I won't let anybody in until you get home tomorrow."

"This isn't right," Casey shook his head, "I should've told Boden the truth."

"Everything's going to be fine," Severide said. "You'll be alright until shift change." He closed the gap between them and hugged Casey, and said as he patted him on the back, "Don't do something stupid without me."

That got a small laugh out of the Truck lieutenant, but as Kelly pulled back he could see Matt was struggling to keep himself pulled together. This was the first shift since his attack that they wouldn't be together.

"You'll be fine," Kelly answered the unspoken question that hung in the air. "You can call me."

Casey shook his head somberly and told him, "I'm so sorry about all of this, Kelly."

"None of this is your fault," Severide tried to get that fact through Casey's head.

"If I'd just told him the truth-"

"It's fine," Kelly said as he hugged Casey again, "behave yourself. I'll see you tomorrow."

He left Casey's quarters and out by the bunk room he ran into Tony and Capp, and said to them, "Keep an eye on him for me."

Tony nodded, "You got it, Kelly."

* * *

Casey heard a knock at his door and turned around just as it opened and saw the last two people he ever expected to see in his office.

"Hey Casey, you got a minute?" Tony asked.

Matt shook his head, "Oh no, I'm not talking to you two about this, I feel bad enough about what happened to Severide already."

"Look, Casey, we're not worried about Kelly, _he'll_ be alright," Tony responded. "How are _you_ holding up?"

The question caught Casey offguard and he couldn't even respond. He suddenly felt all the bones in the lower half of his body turn to jelly.

"I think I'm losing my mind," he said honestly. "I thought I was getting over this...then I talked to the cops about it...and then this happened."

"Is there anything you need us to do?" Capp asked.

Casey looked at the bald man and just shook his head. "I have to fix this." He didn't have any idea how, but he had to find a way.

* * *

Kelly opened his eyes. He didn't know what it was that woke him up, but he knew that it wasn't a reflex instinct to check on Casey. He hadn't been sure how he'd get through the night away from Matt, but he'd found it surprisingly easy not to forget that Casey was still at 51 while he was in Matt's apartment. Sleeping on the couch...or trying to. Despite not thinking that Casey was right there with him, Kelly found himself waking up several times during the night, and he didn't know why.

He felt guilty for even thinking this, but he'd been secretly relieved when Boden sent him home. He would do anything to help Casey, to protect him, but Kelly thought if he could get one night away from Casey, and actually _sleep_ without having to worry what Matt was doing, that he'd feel a lot better the next day. So much so that Kelly had called it an early night and gone to bed right after it started to get dark, sleep came easily, but it didn't stay long.

Severide listened to the quietness that filled the apartment, through the glass window there were some faint city noises in the distance but nothing particularly loud. He scooted on his hip and half rolled over on the couch, as a little extra insurance, he'd taken the liberty of taking Hallie's teddy bear to bed with him, and had it comfortably tucked in the crook of one arm. Though he was relieved to get a night away from Casey, he still felt a link to the man with it, in fact, it seemed to him that part of Casey's scent was rubbing off on it by now. Adjusting the blanket covering him, Kelly faced the back of the couch and closed his eyes and hoped to stay asleep until the morning, though he doubted he'd get that lucky. He knew that Casey would be safe at the firehouse, but he couldn't help wondering how Matt was spending the night.

* * *

Shortly after 8 the next morning, Casey returned home, and staggered up the stoop of his apartment, and found the door unlocked and walked right in. Kelly was in the living room waiting for him.

Casey shook his head grimly, "I am so sorry about all of this, Kelly."

Kelly looked only half awake and had a small, sad smile on his face as he asked Casey, "Did you get any sleep last night?"

Casey threw his arms around Severide's back and told him, "This is all my fault."

"I'll take that as a no," Kelly responded. He'd already made up the couch and was dragging himself along to start the day, but another idea came to him.

"I should've just told Boden the truth."

"Did you?" Kelly asked.

Casey shook his head, "After what happened...I was too ashamed."

Kelly patted him on the back and turned to lead him towards the bedroom, "Come on. I didn't get much sleep last night and I know you didn't either. Let's go back to bed and we'll get this figured out later."

* * *

Kelly opened his eyes and looked over at the clock, it was going on noon. The blinds were still shut though some sunlight still made its way in to the room. Casey was on the other side of the bed, curled on his side, his face pressed into Kelly's shoulder, the teddy bear in a death grip in his arms. Severide had been going in and out of sleep over the past 4 hours but he noticed that Casey seemed to be in a dead sleep for most of it, and he was thankful for that. He turned his head and noticed Casey had one of the bear's paws in his hand and was squeezing it continuously.

"You awake?" Kelly asked.

Casey opened his eyes and lifted his head and looked up at Kelly. "I feel horrible about this whole mess, Kelly."

"It's not your fault."

"You're a mirror."

"What?" Kelly asked.

"When I found you," Casey explained, "that was the first time I actually realized what I'd done to myself...I couldn't even see it, I couldn't see what I was doing to you...there's no excuse for what I did."

"Sure there is," Kelly groggily replied, "you're human, and there's nothing in the world that could prepare you for this."

Casey looked like he'd just received the worst news of his life. "I don't know how things got this bad."

Kelly saw the tears just starting to well up in Casey's eyes and pulled the blonde man against him, "Come here, don't start crying again, it's going to be okay."

"I'm sorry, Kelly."

"It's alright."

"No it's not," Casey shook his head. "I can't believe what I've let my life become...what he did to me...it's dominated my whole life and I didn't even realize it..." he looked at Kelly and told him, "I just stopped living. My God I've barely been able to leave my own home for a month."

"It's a lot to deal with," Kelly said.

"Except I haven't been dealing with it, not really," Casey said as he shook his head in disbelief. "I thought you were going to die, when you were on the floor screaming, all I could think was 'my God, this is all my fault, I made him this way'. I'm so sorry for putting you through all of this, I promise you I'm going to do everything I can to get better, I'm-"

"Whoa, that's all good and well but don't do it for me," Kelly told him, "do it for yourself. Casey, the only thing that concerns me is that you recover from this and _do_ get your life back."

Casey opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out, then a small choked sound escaped from his throat, and he hugged Kelly and told him, "Thank you for everything you've done."

Kelly slipped an arm around Casey's back and told him, "I'm still here. I'll still be here for whatever you need me for."

"Umm..." Casey pressed his lips tightly together as he pulled away from Severide and looked down at the covers.

"What is it?" Kelly asked.

Casey looked at him, bit the corner of his lip as he thought about what he was going to say, a small, self conscious smirk found its way to his face, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he asked Kelly, "Can we set up the blankets on the floor again?"

Kelly busted out laughing and responded, "Sure, we can do that."

Casey looked at him, very serious, and said, "This isn't a step back."

Kelly stopped laughing and replied, "I know it's not."

"I'm serious about this," Casey told him, "I'm _going_ to get my life under control."

"I know you are."

"But...I still need you to help me," Casey admitted.

"I'm right here," Kelly assured him.

"I'm not talking to a shrink...that's the one thing I can't do," Casey insisted. "If you can help me, I think I'll be alright."

"You know I'll do whatever I can," Severide responded.

* * *

The next day Casey left his apartment, actually got in his truck and drove it for the first time since he'd gotten his replacement driver's license. He had a copy made of his key and gave the spare to Kelly so he could get in and out at any time. Out in public Kelly still noticed Casey looking all around him, but not as anxiously as before, and not as often as before. At home, his first response wasn't to bolt the door, and when night came, he tried to move from room to room in the dark, and though he still needed a few lights on to comfortably make his way through the apartment, Kelly saw all of this as a vast improvement.

They still left the TV on to fall asleep to for the time being, but Kelly noticed that Casey was fighting sleep far less now than he had been a few days earlier. A couple times he jolted up screaming, but they were short lived and he soon fell back asleep. They went back to work for the next shift, and everything around the firehouse seemed to be normal, at face value anyway. When nobody else was around, Tony and Capp made their inquiries to how things were going, Kelly told them what he could, the cops weren't any closer in their investigation but Casey was doing very well all things considered.

* * *

_Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!_

The sound of gunfire echoed throughout the shooting range as Voight headed over to Antonio, who stood a good 30 feet away from the booths where Casey and Severide alternated firing at paper targets at the end of the lanes.

Antonio saw Voight approach and removed his earplugs.

"Whose idea was this?" Hank asked.

"Matt's," Antonio answered.

"Your idea to accompany them?" he asked.

"My suggestion," Dawson replied. "I figured somebody better keep an eye on them."

Voight looked over at the two firemen, Kelly stood back while Casey unloaded another magazine at the black sheet of paper at the end of the lane.

"They good?" Hank inquired.

"Decent," Antonio answered.

"How long they been here?" Voight asked.

"Casey's gone through five boxes of ammo already," Antonio told him.

Voight looked back at the blonde man who reloaded his rented Glock and fired again.

"Damn," Voight remarked. He looked back at his detective and said, "Okay, I'll take it from here."

Hank donned the proper hearing and eye safety gear and headed down to the firing lanes, as Casey's gun came up empty, Voight took that opportunity to make his presence known.

"Okay, give it a rest," he said, and watched as the two firemen turned to see him, addressing Matt he added, "You know those things melt down if you use them too much in one time, right?"

Casey looked at Kelly and Kelly looked back at him, then they both looked back at Voight.

"What're you doing here, Hank?" Casey asked.

"Just came to talk," Voight turned towards Kelly and asked, "you mind?"

Severide could take the hint, he left the booth and went to find Antonio.

"Guess it's a good thing you didn't have it in you to pull the trigger when I gave you my gun," Voight commented.

Casey removed the safety gear and looked at the cop. "Let me guess, I'm going to get a lecture about how a gun isn't the answer to my being attacked, right?"

Voight shook his head. "Only the politicians in this city want the civilians unarmed, and all that's good for is more dead citizens who can't defend themselves against the criminals in this city, who no matter what laws are passed, have enough weapons to kill off every last drug cartel in Mexico. I'll let you in on a little secret, Matt, cops _like_ citizens having guns and being able to use them, our average response time is 10-30 minutes, for those people, a gun is the difference in them living, or us getting there in time to photograph their dead bodies. So, no, I don't have a problem with it, just as long as people don't get it in their head that a gun is the _only_ solution."

Casey inhaled, and exhaled, and responded, "There's no solution...you haven't found him, have you?"

"We got some leads but nothing definitive we can put a name to yet," Voight answered, "I'm sorry, Matt."

Casey just nodded and took out enough rounds from the box of bullets to refill the magazine for the Glock.

"There's no solution," he repeated, "as long as he's still out there, there will be no solution. I just have to accept that."

"You been sleeping?" Voight asked.

Casey nodded as he put his protective gear on again and got ready to fire at the target again.

"You uh...you know how to use one of these _before_ you came in here?" Voight asked.

Casey had the gun gripped in both hands, but his finger stopped short of the trigger, he looked over at the cop, then back at the target. "My dad had a gun...he forgot to take it when he moved, that was his mistake. He taught Christie and me how to use it when we were old enough that the recoil wouldn't knock us to the ground. Christie didn't like it...I didn't really either, but I never forgot."

Voight looked at the end of the firing lane. "When'd you change the target?"

Casey shrugged.

"Shall we take a look?" Voight reached over and pushed the button for the target carrier retrieval.

Casey felt his body bobbing impatiently as they watched the paper target coming towards them. As it reached the end of the line, Voight's eyes widened slightly and he started laughing at the sight of both the head and chest of the paper man completely obliterated. Casey didn't get what was so funny.

"Dammit, Matt, what the hell are you doing in fires?" Voight asked.

Casey looked at the target again, and though he still didn't feel like he got it, in spite of himself he felt a laugh emit from his throat, then another, and another.

* * *

Kelly woke up and he could hear disgruntled sounds coming from the other side of the floor. It had been warmer than usual that night, and Casey didn't seem to be adjusting to the heat very well. Finally the Truck lieutenant threw back the covers and sat up.

"What is it?" Kelly asked.

"I'm burning up," Casey said as he pulled his T-shirt off over his head and threw it across the room. Then he grabbed the waistband of his pajama pants and discarded them too and likewise sent them flying.

He was still moving around in his sleeping bag when Kelly sat up and interjected, "Whoa whoa whoa, hold it...you take off _one_ more thing, and I'm _never_ talking to you again."

"Shut up," Casey replied as he reached over and elbowed Kelly.

Kelly threw back his sheet and got up and padded over to the wall and turned on the switch for the ceiling fan, after a few minutes the air in the room wasn't quite as stifling.

"You okay?" Kelly asked as he crawled back into his sleeping bag.

Casey turned over on his stomach so the breeze could blow against the sweat covering his back and answered, "Yeah, I think so."

"Okay," Kelly pulled his sheet back up and turned on his side, "goodnight."

* * *

Casey laid on his sleeping bag on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, anxiously drumming his fingers against one of the blankets. He'd decided the time was right to try sleeping with the lights and the TV off, and try to get back to normal. In addition to this he'd also tucked Hallie's teddy bear back into the closet, all his minor comforts were cut off cold turkey, and he'd foolishly believed that there wouldn't be any problems. Instead he'd laid awake for about an hour now, waiting to fall asleep, but barely able to close his eyes. Instead he just looked around at the dark. It wasn't that he thought the man who had attacked him was in there somewhere, but sleep was not coming to him tonight and he didn't know what to do about it.

"Hey," a tired voice whispered from the other side of the floor.

Casey turned his head and looked over and could make out the shape of Kelly laying on his side looking at him.

"Get over here," he whispered.

Casey wasn't sure he'd heard right, he lifted his head from his pillow.

"Get-over-here," Kelly repeated, emphasizing every word in a low tone, and he flipped his sleeping bag open in a welcome invitation.

Matt didn't know what to say, he wasn't sure there was anything to say that would be right. He quietly and fluidly got up on his hands and knees and moved across the pile of bedding and crawled into the sleeping bag alongside Kelly and clung to him. Kelly reached over and grabbed the corner of a blanket and draped it over both of them like a vampire's cloak.

He felt Severide's strong arm around his back and heard him whisper, "I got you, go to sleep."

"Thanks, Kelly," Casey replied.

* * *

A few nights later, Casey woke up. It was the middle of the night, the room was pitch dark, he was a few inches from rolling over onto Kelly again, who himself was in a dead sleep and didn't seem like he'd wake up anytime soon.

Casey knew what it was that had woken him up. He had to use the bathroom. Tiredly grumbling to himself, he pushed back the covers, got up, and padded through the blackened rooms, feeling his way along partially so he didn't kick or bump into anything on the way. He reached the bathroom, where there was a small plug-in night light in the outlet over the sink, it was a dim LED light that didn't really illuminate anything very well, but it was bright enough that Casey could make out where everything was. That had been Kelly's idea, and though Casey had been reluctant to admit it, he thought it was a good idea.

When he finished washing his hands, he opened the door, padded back out through the darkened rooms and acting on memory, made his way back to the living room, and crawled back into his assigned spot on the makeshift bed. He'd just burrowed under one of the blankets and was content to stay there until morning, when his eyes suddenly popped open as he realized what he'd just done. Sitting up, Casey looked back the way he came, and realized he'd moved halfway through the apartment in pure blackness, and made his way back, all without any hesitation or anxiety, _no_ sensation of anybody watching him.

A small sound escaped him, he wasn't even sure what it was, then there was another, and another. Finally Kelly woke up to see what Casey was laughing about.

"What's going on, Casey?"

It was only then that he realized Casey was simultaneously laughing and crying.

"I did it," Casey weakly told him, "I got through the rooms without needing the lights on...I didn't even realize it...I can do it again..." this simple fact proved too overwhelming for Casey and he lost his ability to speak.

Kelly reached over and hugged him and tiredly whispered, "I knew you could do it, buddy, it just took a little longer than you thought. I told you you had to be patient."

Casey dropped his head on Kelly's shoulder, his whole body shaking with sobs, but Kelly could tell this time was different, this time it was relief spurring them on. "You're okay, buddy."

"I know," Casey replied with a weak laugh.

* * *

Kelly turned the burner off with one hand as he continued to shake the frying pan with the other. Then he grabbed the lid and flipped it into the sink and poured the steaming hot popcorn into a large bowl, salted it, grabbed two beers and took it into the living room. Casey was sitting on the floor against the couch, staring intently at the TV screen as an old black and white monster movie played as part of an all night marathon on one of the classic channels.

That night had been another milestone, that morning they'd gotten held up at a structure fire that required four companies' response and nobody got back to 51 until 10 A.M. Once all the paperwork on the call was done, they changed shifts, went home, and the two lieutenants promptly fell asleep on the floor. Neither of them got up until 6 that night, they had dinner, then after Casey took inventory of his fridge, decided they needed to go to the store to restock, and that it'd be better to go now and do it instead of waiting until the next day. By the time they actually left the apartment, it was dark, it looked like it was going to rain, all the street lamps were on. They'd taken Casey's truck, he was driving, and the whole time they were at the store, Kelly watched Casey's movements, never once did he suddenly turn and look behind him, his eyes didn't shift looking every which way. He actually seemed to be getting back to 'normal' again, furthermore, he seemed to be doing it without even realizing it. Kelly felt like he was about to burst at the seams in excitement at this, but he decided it was better not to point it out, if Casey just happened to realize one day how far he'd come without paying attention to it, he'd probably be better off than if he'd obsessed over how much progress he made.

"What're you smiling at?" Casey asked, drawing him out of his thoughts.

Kelly thought quickly, and pointed to the TV, "This was one of my favorite movies as a kid, I recorded it off one of the late night monster programs, played that tape to death."

Casey grabbed a handful of popcorn and looked back at the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

* * *

Gradually life started to return to normal, after a few more days Casey managed to talk Kelly into going back to his own apartment, assuring him that he'd be fine. As soon as Kelly was out the door, Casey locked the door after him, but it was no longer the first thing he automatically did when he got home. Once in a while he still checked the apartment to make sure nobody was there, but as time passed those became fewer and far between. He returned to his bedroom and most nights slept undisturbed, though some nightmares were a given.

Piece by piece he returned to his usual routine, some times he had to force himself to step out of the apartment and go to Molly's, simply because he'd gotten used to staying home at night and hiding from the world, and eager as he was to get back to his old ways sometimes he had to force himself along instead of falling back into more comfortable habits.

The first time he got a call for another construction job, Severide had been there, and his eyes had bugged out, and he'd insisted on going with Casey to make sure that everything was legit. It was definitely true that the same nagging thought had raced around Casey's head when he took the call, but he shook it off, knowing that the odds of lightning striking twice in that regard simply weren't possible. Still he'd let Kelly accompany him on the job, and with a spare set of hands he was able to get the work done sooner than anticipated. Casey wouldn't admit it to anyone, but to himself he'd be lying if he thought he didn't take some solace in Severide's presence on the job, a spare set of eyes just to make sure nothing happened. But Casey knew that wouldn't always be the case and he would have to start doing things on his own again and he'd have to get used to it. Little by little he was getting there, he knew this.

A/N: One more chapter to go!


	16. Chapter 16

1 month later-

Molly's erupted in a unanimous drunken roar of victory in response to the Blackhawks game playing on the TV.

"Well, it's not as good as being there, but not a bad second," Casey said from where he and Kelly sat at the bar.

Herrmann came up and asked, "You guys need anything else?"

"Couple more beers, Herrmann."

"Coming right up, lieutenant."

"Well at least it's a shorter drive home after the game," Kelly replied.

"Yeah, and instead of 5,000 drunken idiots on the road we only have to deal with..." Casey looked around the bar, "20 drunken idiots."

Kelly laughed, "And this is the busiest it's been all month."

"Shh," Casey tried not to laugh.

Herrmann came back with two fresh bottles and parked them on the counter.

"Thanks, Herrmann," Casey said as he picked his up and took a swig.

"No problem, lieutenant," Christopher replied as he went to fill another order.

"So you got anything planned for tomorrow?" Kelly asked.

"Not really, I was going to do an estimate for a new job but the guy called back and said he found somebody else."

"Well that's crappy, why'd he even waste your time?" Severide asked.

"I don't know," Casey took another swig of his beer, then his eyes bulged and he all but dropped the bottle on the counter as he went into a choking fit.

"Casey, you alright?" Kelly moved towards him and slapped him on the back.

"It-it-it-" a wheezing gasp filled the gap between each syllable Casey tried to get out, "It's _him_!"

"What?"

Kelly turned and looked in the same direction Casey was. In the crowd he was able to pick out a tall, clean shaven man with brown hair, who seemed to be exchanging words with another customer though there didn't seem to be any real conversation going on.

"It's him," Casey forced the words out as he fell back against the counter.

"Are you sure?" Kelly asked.

"Of course I'm sure," Casey gripped the edge of the counter and pushed himself to his feet. He saw the man leaving the bar and without even thinking about what he was doing, he took off after him.

"Casey!" Kelly realized he couldn't catch Matt in time, and he couldn't stop him. He grabbed his phone, dialed Antonio's number, told him what was going on and hoped to God that Dawson would be able to get there in time, then Kelly took off into the night after Casey.

* * *

Casey's truck was still in the parking lot, Kelly could only assume that was a good sign. He looked around, and in the stillness of the night he could make out the sound of heavy footsteps running and hitting the pavement. He turned his head, and squinting to see through the distance in the darkness he could just barely see Casey's outline quickly disappearing. Kelly redialed Antonio, didn't wait for the cop to speak, just told him the general direction Casey was heading, and ran after him.

"Casey!" Kelly didn't have any idea what Casey was going to do when and if he caught up to the guy, or even if Matt himself knew that, he just hoped he could catch up with Casey before anything happened.

There was too much distance between them for Kelly to see the guy that Matt was following, but Casey disappeared around a corner and Kelly lost sight of him for several seconds before he rounded the same corner and charged in the same direction. In that short amount of time, something had happened because he could hear Casey screaming, it sounded like a struggle was taking place.

"Casey!"

"Don't come another step or he dies," a voice called out from the darkness.

Kelly skidded to a stop, and under the street lamps he could just make out Casey facing him, and the other man was right behind Casey, one hand gripping a fistful of Casey's blonde hair to jerk his head back, the other hand holding a firm grip on a 12 inch knife that the tip of which was pressed against Casey's throat.

"Casey," Kelly felt paralyzed, in that moment he wasn't sure if he could move even if his life depended on it, all he could do was look on in horror and utter helplessness.

"Kelly," Casey choked out the word, struggling not to move against either the blade or the man standing behind him. But even as far apart as they were, Kelly could see a hundred small tremors coursing through every inch of Casey's body, his eyes flinched, his bottom lip was quivering clear down his chin, his Adam's apple was pulsating in his neck, he grimaced at the cold steel pressed against his flesh.

The man jerked Casey's head back even harder, Casey squeezed his eyes shut in dreaded anticipation of what was coming next, an involuntary sound escaped him as the knife was pressed a little harder against his throat.

Suddenly, there was a loud explosion, Casey felt something warm and wet hit him, without looking, without thinking, he screamed at the top of his lungs and ran as fast as he could.

Where Casey had just stood, his attacker now lay dead on the ground, and ten feet behind him stood Hank Voight with his gun drawn, still gripped in both hands as he inched his way towards the body, making sure he was actually dead.

From ten feet to the side of him, Antonio Dawson holstered his gun and looked and saw that Kelly had caught Casey halfway down the block, Casey's panicked screams filled the night air and echoed through the vacant neighborhood.

Casey was covered in blood and by this time out and out shrieking in terror, barely able to process anything that had just happened. Kelly kept a hold on him and tried to get him to calm down as he removed Casey's jacket and looked him over to see if any of the blood on him was actually his. Kelly hadn't had much of a chance to look at what had happened but he'd had a pretty good idea that somebody from Intelligence had shown up just in time and blown the back of the guy's head off.

"It's okay, it's okay, Casey, calm down, breathe, _breathe_, Casey," he said as he tapped Matt's cheek to get his attention, "Breathe for me, you're okay, EMS is going to be here soon and they'll make sure you're alright." He glanced back the way they'd come and he saw both Antonio and Voight standing over the body looking at it.

Casey was beyond hysterical and any words were still not a possibility for him, just a series of short, ragged screams as it slowly dawned on him that he'd actually gotten away and hadn't been killed. He was only vaguely aware of Kelly's words as he spoke to him.

"It's alright, it's alright, let me take a look at you, it's okay, it's over now, it's all over."

* * *

"We were already on our way to Molly's with the news that we'd finally gotten the name of a suspect when you called," Antonio explained to Kelly as the police and crime scene people worked around them, "the three open homicides I told you about? We talked with the police in all three cases, and had them go over their lists of suspects, and we found a common denominator in all three jurisdictions. The guy's name was Vincent Righetti, he'd been locked up a couple dozen times on smaller offenses, but again, there was no DNA to run against the murders so the fact his had been entered into the system at the times of his arrest didn't do any good since there was nothing to run against it."

Kelly took this information in, feeling somewhat dumbfounded, half feeling like the whole night was just some kind of nightmare, like he wasn't really there. He guessed he was in minor shock by what had happened but he wasn't really paying attention to it.

"How'd you find out he was here?" Kelly asked the two cops.

"We didn't," Antonio answered, "I don't know how we were going to find him if he hadn't shown up at Molly's, we've been checking, his name was not on any lease, any title, any deed to anything in Chicago, but we were going to turn the city upside down to draw him out."

"Turns out we didn't have to," Voight shook his head, "good thing Casey was right about Righetti being taller than him, a headshot was the only way we had a good chance of killing him without Casey getting caught in the crossfire."

Kelly looked over to the ambulance and saw the paramedics were still working on Casey. There wasn't much to actually work on, as far as anybody was able to tell, Casey had not been shot, but the paramedics monitored his vitals and though it didn't really go with the job, used some alcohol swabs to get him cleaned up after they used a process of elimination to determine what was spatter of Righetti's blood instead of his own, and it looked like so far they hadn't found any injuries belonging to him. It had seemed like forever until the ambulance finally showed up, and even once they had, it seemed like another eternity before Casey finally stopped screaming and was able to calm down. He was quiet now and Kelly was tremendously relieved by that.

"Can I take him home?" Kelly asked.

"Ask the paramedics, if they clear him, sure, we can get a statement from him later," Hank answered.

Kelly looked back at the cops and studied both their faces, and solemnly asked them, "It _is_ over, isn't it?"

Antonio just nodded in response.

* * *

"Is he good?" Kelly asked as he walked up to the ambulance.

"A little shaken up but he's good to go home," one of the paramedics answered as he put his stethoscope away.

Casey shakily pushed himself to his feet and looked at Kelly. Once he actually stood up he seemed sturdy enough, he didn't say anything, he just looked at his best friend for a minute, then reached over and hugged him.

"It's over, Casey, it's over," Kelly assured him.

He heard the crunch of somebody's approaching footsteps and Casey pulled back and also turned to see Voight heading their way.

"How're you doing, Casey?" the cop inquired.

Casey didn't verbally respond, just hung his head slightly and nodded.

"Good, somebody can take your statement tomorrow, why don't you just go home and take it easy?"

Casey made eye contact with the Intelligence sergeant and finally answered with a small nod, "Yeah, thanks Hank...thanks."

"No problem."

Those few words and the few seconds of eye contact made between the two men was all the further their conversation went, but to Kelly watching from the side, it seemed that a great deal had been exchanged between them.

"You two want to see him?" Voight asked.

Kelly felt his eyes widen in surprise at that question, he and Casey turned to each other and the expression on Matt's face seemed to mirror how he was feeling. Without a word between them, they considered his offer, and both looked back to Voight and nodded.

"Come on," Hank led them back over to the kill sight and the three men stood over the body that had a sheet covering it. Voight crouched down, pulled back the sheet, and let both firefighters get a good, long look at the man who now lay dead on the pavement.

Kelly felt Casey absentmindedly clutching his arm, he grabbed Casey's hand in silent response. There weren't really any words to finally seeing the monster who had haunted their lives for so long, and seeing him dead, consciously knowing his reign of terror was over, both aware that even that wouldn't be enough to stave off the nightmares that were to come from this evening, but hoping that if there was any truth to the theory of closure, that this would be a big step in that direction.

Voight watched their expressions and when he finally decided they'd seen enough, he replaced the sheet until the body could be moved to the ME's office.

"Go home, Matt, it's over," the cop told him simply.

Casey looked at him and nodded in response. He and Kelly moved away from all the commotion and headed back towards Molly's to get their vehicles and go home.

* * *

All things seemed to come full circle. 2:30 in the morning once again found Kelly seated on the couch in an otherwise quiet apartment, a few scant lights on, with Casey clinging to him crying, his head pressed against Kelly's shoulder. This was so much like the night of the attack it almost seemed exactly the same, except it wasn't. Kelly had spent the past couple hours with his best friend in his arms sobbing himself into complete exhaustion, but it wasn't like the first night. Where that night Casey had allowed the terror and pain and degradation that he had suffered to rise to the surface and bubble over, now there was only _relief_ at the threat to Casey's life finally being ended. Kelly would swear he could _feel_ the pain and the fear leaving Casey's body. A few times during that same period, he found himself shaking and felt tears he didn't remember building up trailing down his face as it also finally sunk in for him that it was all over, and Casey was safe. It had been hard to face Righetti's body laying in the street, but Severide was convinced that they'd both needed it, a guarantee that he was actually dead and couldn't come after Matt again.

As the night passed, it slowly occurred to Kelly that the hiccuping sobs escaping Casey were getting softer and quieter, and eventually at some point he completely wore himself out and seemed to fall asleep still in his best friends arms, still clinging to Kelly, with his head rested on Kelly's shoulder.

Kelly looked at the clock and noted the lateness of the hour. He was exhausted enough he _could've_ just fallen asleep right there as they were, but he'd decided against it. Tiredly, he tilted his head and said into Matt's ear, "Casey...hey Casey..."

A small, exhausted sound rose from the Truck lieutenant's throat.

Kelly asked him, "You want to go to bed?"

A tired sigh escaped Casey's throat, and he didn't really open his eyes but he nodded his head in response.

Severide smiled at his friend and patted him on the back and told him, "Come on, let's go."

Casey was slow to pull away from Kelly but gradually came around and was aware of his surroundings. He got off the couch and Kelly followed him into the bedroom. They didn't bother turning on the lights. Casey stopped long enough to get undressed, then crawled under the covers and let out a contented sigh. Kelly stood beside the bed and looked down at his best friend.

"You want me to stay with you?" he asked.

Casey opened his eyes and looked up at Kelly and tiredly answered, "I appreciate it, Kelly, but you don't have to, I'll be fine on my own."

"Hey," Kelly leaned over and kissed Matt on the forehead and told him, "Love you."

"I love you too," Casey quietly responded. "Thanks for helping me get through this."

Kelly grabbed the corner of the covers and tucked Casey in and told him, "That's what I'm here for." He turned and headed for the door, "See ya."

"See you," Casey replied as he watched the door close behind him. He turned on his side and closed his eyes and waited for sleep.

* * *

Casey shot up in bed with a small yelp of shock. His eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room and he slowly looked around and remembered where he was. He also saw the clock on his nightstand and realized how late it was.

It's nothing, he told himself. It's over, he's dead, he's not coming back, he's not here. He can't control you anymore.

Still feeling his heart racing in his chest, Casey laid back down and adjusted the covers. After a moment the feeling passed, his breathing became normal again and he tried to go back to sleep.

He woke up again a couple more times but they were brief and he quickly fell back asleep afterwards, the rest of the night and his dreams uninterrupted by the memories that had plagued him for so long.

* * *

The sun was just starting to rise when Casey woke up again. He realized he'd slept the rest of the night, and he didn't offhand recall any dreams he'd had, so he took that as a good sign. The memory of the night before came back to him, and though he knew he should feel like an immense weight had been lifted off of him, there was still some small, nagging feeling in him about the whole thing, but he didn't know what it was.

Casey quietly got out of bed and headed over to the door. When he was alone he didn't make a lot of noise first thing in the morning when he got up, when there was nobody to talk to, he certainly didn't talk to himself, and there wasn't anybody around to talk to now. He turned the knob and headed out of the bedroom.

In the living room the sun was even brighter than it had been in his bedroom, before too long the whole city would be buzzing as everybody went to work and life resumed as usual. He padded over to the windows and looked out. In the first light of day the city looked like a beautiful place. From his window it almost looked like another world entirely. A world he was eager to rejoin after spending so much time hiding from it.

A hand grabbed his shoulder and Casey spun around and came face to face with Kelly.

"Whoa, take it easy."

"What're you doing here?" Casey asked.

"Huh?" Kelly wanted to know.

"I thought..." Casey looked to the couch and saw the bedding on it and felt like he'd missed something. "I thought you were going back to your own apartment last night."

Kelly only looked half awake given how few hours of sleep he'd gotten last night, but he smiled at his friend as he explained, "I thought I'd stick around incase you needed me."

Casey looked at him in awe and said, "You didn't have to do that."

"I know."

"But I'm glad you did." Casey put his arms around Severide and hugged him, "Thank you."

"No problem, buddy."

"I know it's still early," Casey said as he pulled back, "but do you want to get breakfast before you head back?"

"Sure. Hey, you okay?" Kelly asked.

Casey looked at him and nodded and said, "Yeah, finally, I think so."


End file.
